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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26977306">dandelions in his veins</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestghost/pseuds/forestghost'>forestghost</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Assassins &amp; Hitmen, Blood and Gore, Demons, Drugs, Emotional Manipulation, Horror, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, M/M, Magic, Nightmares, Nonbinary Bokuto Koutarou, Nymphs - Freeform, Oblivious Kozume Kenma, Shapeshifters - Freeform, Slow Burn, Unreliable Narrator, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Yakuza AU, coffee shop AU, monster au, urban fantasy au, well kind of?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:42:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>52,236</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26977306</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestghost/pseuds/forestghost</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma struggles with nightmares and anxiety. The fact that he’s not human doesn’t make it any easier. Things seem to get better when Sugawara, the nice coffee shop employee, offers him a job and a place to stay, but soon Kenma realizes that nothing is the way it seems. Sugawara is a criminal, just like everyone else he has met at the café, and Kenma finds himself getting dragged into their world. When everything around him is a whirlwind of secrets, magic and violence, who can he trust? Sugawara, who promises to keep him safe? Shouyou, who is the closest thing to a best friend he’s ever had? Kuroo, who seems to have taken a liking to him?<br/>While Kenma is trying to understand what he’s gotten himself into, people are going missing and a new mysterious drug is being sold on the other side of town. It is definitely not something he wants to get involved in, but the gods have other plans for him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou &amp; Kozume Kenma, Kozume Kenma &amp; Sugawara Koushi, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter was beta read by the lovely @paradoxicalpsychic on tumblr. i know i've said this like 100 times, but thank you so much &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kenma let his head fall against the back of the bench, looking up at the stars shimmering above him as the October air sent shivers down his spine. He allowed himself to let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. He was so <em>tired</em>. Every muscle of his legs was burning and his lungs felt like they were going to implode. He could feel his fingers shaking, so he clawed them into his thighs, trying to force them to stop.</p><p>He just wanted to sleep.</p><p>It couldn’t have been more than five minutes when suddenly, loud footsteps echoed through the night. Kenma’s eyes snapped open and he was blinded by a flashlight pointed directly at him.</p><p>“The park is closed! Get out of here!”</p><p>For the second time today, Kenma ran as fast and far as he could. His jacket fluttered in the wind, his hair was getting tangled and falling into his mouth as he panted. He didn’t stop until he found that he had gotten himself completely, hopelessly lost.</p><p>The streets around him didn’t look familiar, he’d never heard of <em>Tamura’s Antiquities</em> and there was not a single soul around to ask where he was. Not that he would’ve dared to talk to a stranger, anyway. Kenma felt his chest tightening, and blood started to pound in his ears. <em>He was lost.</em> His fingers tightened around the hem of his jacket sleeve.</p><p>Something in a street to his right rustled, reminding Kenma that he couldn’t stay here. He couldn’t let his anxiety paralyze him.</p><p>He continued walking.</p><p>Kenma tried to stay on the main streets, hoping he’d be safe under the dim glow of the streetlights. Soon, his feet began to hurt, but he tried not to think about it. He simply kept walking, eyes wide open and his muscles tense, always ready to run if need be. Eventually, his thoughts began to wander.</p><p> </p><p>Just a few weeks ago, he and his mom had been living in a tiny flat in a run-down apartment building on the other side of town, in a quiet neighborhood. Despite the moth-eaten furniture and the mold stains on the walls and the broken kitchen window that they’d fixed with some old newspaper, it had been home.</p><p>Then, his mom had gotten into the accident. Kenma didn’t know what exactly had caused it, and the police hadn’t bothered to find out. A car crash, they’d simply told him. There hadn’t been a funeral. After that, it had only been a matter of time before they kicked him out of the apartment. Kenma had tried to find work, but he knew that he wouldn’t make enough money to pay the rent when it was due, and his landlord was not a forgiving man.</p><p>A few days later, the nightmares had started. Most of them were of his mother. A car, blinding lights, a thundering crash. His mother dead on the gray asphalt. He’d awoken from them with blood on his tongue.</p><p>Three weeks after his mother had died, Kenma had been forced to pack what few belongings he had and left. Fortunately, his friend Yousuke had convinced his parents to let Kenma stay with them for a while. It had worked out well for a few days. Then, Kenma’s nightmares had gotten worse. He’d dreamed of falling, falling, until he’d hit the ground. He’d lain there, staring up into the overcast sky, unable to move or speak. There hadn’t been any pain, not until the crows had swooped down from between the clouds and started picking at his skin. Again, he’d awoken with blood on his tongue, and this time it had been under his fingernails as well. The next night, he’d fallen to the ground again, but this time it had been in a forest. The crows had come again, picking at him until he disappeared. He had awoken with leaves under his tongue. On the third night, he’d dreamed he was drowning. There’d been no crows, no pain. Just emptiness. He’d been gripped by fear, terrified that he’d never wake up again. When he had woken up, the room was filled with weeds and Yousuke’s screams of terror.</p><p>They hadn’t given Kenma the time to gather his belongings. He’d grabbed his phone, although it had been dead for days, his jacket and his shoes and then he just ran. Only later he realized that his wallet was still in his bag, next to Yousuke’s desk.</p><p>When he had stopped running, the sun was beginning to rise and tinted the sky a beautiful golden-pink. It had felt as if the world was mocking him. <em>Look at the beauty of the morning!</em>, it had seemed to say, <em>Look how beautiful life is.</em> Kenma had spent the entire day walking. He’d walked past bakeries and cafés filled with laughter and the smell of apple pies, past suit-wearing men with briefcases and phones pressed to their ears that didn’t even spare him a look, past rosy-cheeked children holding onto the hands of their mothers, past men with suspiciously pointy teeth in back streets, past <em>something</em> hunched over another <em>something</em> that Kenma didn’t want to take another look at.</p><p>Eventually, the sun had set again and what little warmth its rays had given disappeared. Night was when the streets became dangerous. His mother had never let him go outside in the dark, too afraid of what lurked in the shadows. But now, Kenma didn’t have a place to go back to, so he had strolled around aimlessly until he found a park that seemed safer than the dark alleys, and a bench that seemed more comfortable than the asphalt.</p><p>Kenma sighed, then rubbed his eyes. His thoughts returned to Yousuke’s room. It had seemed like every surface was covered in green, leaves sprouting and breaking through the floor. He hadn’t done it on purpose, of course not, he’d spent his entire life trying <em>not</em> to do things like that. His mom had tried her best to teach him how to suppress anything that wasn’t human. She had called it a<em> blessing</em> that unlike other children, he’d rarely had emotional outbursts. They didn’t have to worry about him accidentally unleashing magic, accidentally revealing their status as <em>monsters</em>. Kenma hadn’t understood why being different was such a bad thing back then, he’d liked that he was able to make flowers sprout. There was no harm in it. Only when he’d gotten older, he’d understood. Humans feared anything they couldn’t explain. And when humans were scared, they became violent and destroyed whatever was scaring them.</p><p>Humans were scared of <em>monsters</em> like him.</p><p> </p><p>Kenma came to a halt when he noticed that the asphalt of the newer streets had turned into cobblestones – he had reached the old town.</p><p>His mother had never let him go there. The old town was filled with monsters and magic and violence. Humans rarely entered it, so neither had Kenma. This was where they sold potions and enchanted objects, where all walls had eyes and ears, where streets formed unescapable labyrinths, where people disappeared. This was where only bad things could happen to him.</p><p>They had been here only once, on a lazy August afternoon years ago and he vaguely remembered eating ice cream while they wandered down the main street. It was a memory half-forgotten, but he could still feel the warm sun on his skin and his mother’s hand around his and how the ice cream dripping down his fingers made his skin sticky.</p><p>A sudden burst of wind snapped Kenma out of his thoughts. This wasn’t the time to reminisce.</p><p>The shops were locked up now - not that he would have recognized any of them – and metal shutters covered the windows. Kenma continued down the street, and he could feel the individual stones under the soles of his sneakers, giving him a strange sense of comfort. Each step felt a bit more solid, grounding him.</p><p>It surprised him that no one had bothered him all night. His mom had always made it sound like there’d be thieves and drug dealers and <em>hungry</em> monsters at every corner, but the streets seemed empty. Maybe in this part of town, he was safe, Kenma mused. Still, his fingers didn’t stop shaking.</p><p>He kept taking different streets, probably walking in circles, but there was nothing else for him to do. Kenma was alone, only the stars and the cold keeping him company. He walked past another alley, not daring to turn his eyes away from the main street, in fear of what he might see.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh dear, it’s awfully late to be out alone.”</p><p>Kenma jumped, almost tripping over his own feet. An old woman was cowering in the alley. There was a blanket laid out in front of her, every last inch covered with small vials filled with potions, amulets with runes carved into them, crystals that emitted a soft glow and something that looked like a rabbit’s paw with an awful lot of dried blood on it.</p><p>Something in Kenma’s head screamed at him to <em>run</em>, but he still found himself stepping toward the woman as she motioned for him to come closer.</p><p>“There are people out there who want to harm you, my poor boy. You’re not safe.” Her voice sounded as if she was genuinely concerned, and Kenma felt a strange sensation settle in the pit of his stomach. She seemed… trustworthy.</p><p>“May I offer you a little something to help protect you?” She pointed a long, bony finger at one of the vials. It was hard to see in the dark; the light from the main street didn’t quite reach into the alley. The liquid inside the vial was dark and seemed to be bubbling slightly as Kenma squinted his eyes.</p><p>“It comes at a very reasonable price,” she whispered, her voice a lot closer than it should have been, but he didn’t mind. Kenma’s eyelids were heavy; it seemed as if his head was stuffed with cotton, numbing every thought and sensation.</p><p>He didn’t remember making the decision to do so, but found himself taking another step forward. There was something about her eyes, drawing him closer. The colors in her irises were twirling, blurring together and forming shapes he couldn’t quite make out, Kenma wanted to-</p><p>He tripped over a stone.</p><p>Kenma’s eyes fell to the ground, and suddenly his head was clear again. <em>Magic</em>, he realized, stumbling backwards until his palms pressed against the clammy stone wall behind him. His heart was fluttering in his chest, and he forced himself not to meet the woman’s eyes again, despite her magic tugging at him, trying to force him to lift his head.</p><p>He shouldn’t have been so careless; <em>of course</em> she was dangerous. Cursing his stupidity and not looking back, Kenma rushed out of the alley, almost tripping again.</p><p> </p><p>He kept walking for what felt like hours. When his feet wouldn’t move anymore, Kenma reluctantly dragged himself into a back street. He found a soggy cardboard box that smelled of vomit and other things Kenma couldn’t identify, but he was too tired to care, so he simply sat down and tried not to fall asleep as he waited for the sun to rise.</p><p>Time passed slowly, stretching like syrup and leaving his brain sticky. People began walking down the street, and at first, they didn’t look different from humans. Some of them were wearing suits and holding disposable coffee cups, others were dressed in warm coats and stepped into bakeries to buy fresh bread. But the colorful hair, and the twitching tails, and the blazing eyes made it obvious that there was nothing even remotely human about them. No one noticed Kenma, or perhaps they did, but they saw kids like him too often to spare him a second glance. Either way, he was glad for it.</p><p>When the sun rose higher and the streets became busier, Kenma left the small alley and started walking again. His younger self had dreamed of coming to the old town so many times, but he was too exhausted to care about anything magical. He felt like he was going to pass out.</p><p>Kenma was used to being hungry. It wasn’t that he had a particularly large appetite; due to his nature, he didn’t need to eat much at all. But sometimes his mom hadn’t earned enough money to buy anything to eat for a few days, so Kenma had learned to ignore his body when it screamed at him for food. However, there had always been water, even if it was the metallic, sometimes far from appetizingly colored water coming out of the kitchen tap. Kenma knew that humans could last only three days without water – for him, it was even less. He wasn’t eager to find out how long exactly it would take for him to die of dehydration.</p><p>So, when Kenma found himself outside a small shop in a side street, he hesitated. This wasn’t a good idea. Still, he stepped through the propped open door and pretended not to see the disapproving look the cashier cast at him.</p><p>He’d never stolen anything in his entire life. He’d been tempted to do it, but he’d never felt like he really <em>had</em> to. And the fear of what would happen to him if he was caught had been stronger than anything else. So, Kenma didn’t know how to slip a bottle of water under his jacket as the cashier wasn’t looking. He tried anyway, and when a customer yelled “Thief!”, he ran. Kenma didn’t know how his feet were still moving because they felt like lead, but as long as they got him away from the shop, he didn’t mind the pain.</p><p>The water was fresh and tasted better than anything Kenma had ever had before. He gulped it down hastily, almost choking on it more than once. Still, it didn’t do much to quench his thirst. If anything, it only reminded him of how thirsty he really was.</p><p>Kenma didn’t dare to sleep, even though he was exhausted. He’d never stayed up for more than 24 hours. But his mother’s voice kept ringing through his head, telling him it was <em>dangerous out there</em>. This day, he walked slowly and didn’t look at passers-by, but he could feel their eyes lingering on him, silently judging him. He didn’t stop to smell apple pies and he didn’t glance into alleys.</p><p>When the sun began to set, Kenma’s legs gave out and his eyes fluttered shut.</p><p> </p><p>The first thing Kenma noticed was pain. His head felt as if he’d smashed it into a wall. His feet were burning and his stomach clenched, reminding him once again of how little water he’d had. Only now Kenma realized that he was lying on something soft. There was a pillow under his head.</p><p>His eyes snapped open. He couldn’t see the sky, there was only a gray ceiling above him. Kenma tried to prop himself up on his arms, but they buckled under his own weight and he had to lie down again. His head felt fuzzy. It already hurt less than it had a few moments ago, but he couldn’t think clearly. There was some kind of fog in his brain, numbing his senses and making him painfully slow.</p><p>A shadow moved to his left. Kenma flinched.</p><p>“A-ah, sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.” A young man stepped into view, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. Kenma immediately noticed his light green hair. It was dull, almost looking gray. The man crossed the room with long steps and stretched out his hand. “I’m Sugawara Koushi. You can call me Suga, if you like. I found you outside, in front of the café, so I decided to take you in.”</p><p>Kenma averted his eyes and turned his head to let his bangs fall over his face, shielding him from the man. After a few seconds, Sugawara let his hand fall down, but his smile didn’t falter.</p><p>“Don’t worry, you’re safe here. I’m not trying to hurt you.”</p><p>Kenma knew he couldn’t just believe some stranger when they said <em>I won’t hurt you</em>, after all that was exactly what a person meaning to harm him would say, but he was <em>so tired</em>. And instead of draining his blood in a dark corner, or cutting out his organs, or really doing anything at all, Sugawara had just waited for him to wake up.</p><p>So, he cleared his throat and said, “I’m Kenma.” He propped himself up on his arms again, and this time they didn’t give out under him. His head felt a little clearer and he finally took a look around the surprisingly small room.</p><p>Opposite of him, there was a bookshelf filled to the brim with heavy tomes and a few crystals. The only other piece of furniture in the room was the couch Kenma was lying on, barely fitting between the two walls to his left and right. Aside from two doors, they were bare.</p><p>“Do you want to get something to drink? You must be parched.”</p><p>Kenma nodded and moved his legs so they hung over the edge of the sofa. His head immediately started spinning again, but after a few seconds the feeling ebbed away and he could get up. When his feet touched the cold floor, he realized that someone had taken off his shoes. It felt nice.</p><p>He found his sneakers next to the door and put them on, his fingers shaking just slightly.</p><p> </p><p>Sugawara led him through corridors, past doors upon doors, some of them open and revealing more bookshelves, potted plants that he’d never seen before and seemingly moving on their own, a cauldron emitting hazy purple steam that smelled of rotting flowers. After a minute of silence so tense it seemed to wrap around Kenma’s throat, he asked, “Where are we?”</p><p>Sugawara replied in a voice that made it obvious he’d said these lines many times. “This is a safe place for monsters. Well, technically it’s a café,” he chuckled slightly, “but really that’s just what it looks like from the outside. We do serve some great coffee, though. Do you like coffee?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Kenma had only had coffee a few times, his mom had preferred tea over anything else. But it had tasted nice, bitter enough to remind him that he was alive and to distract him from his anxious thoughts for a few moments.</p><p>“Could I get some? I don’t have any money to pay for it, though.” His voice was barely audible over their echoing footsteps, but Sugawara heard him anyway. He shook his head and his hair slid over his eyes. Brushing it away with the back of his hand, he said, “Don’t worry about that. I’ll get you some coffee.”</p><p>They took a right turn into another corridor. Again, silence settled around them, but it was more comfortable this time. Kenma’s thoughts were still circling around his fears, reminding him that he wasn’t safe and contemplating what Sugawara would do if he did something wrong, like touching something he wasn’t supposed to or breathing too loudly. He’d gotten so lost in his own mind that he almost ran into the older man when he stopped in front of a beaded curtain, brushing it aside to reveal a wooden staircase.</p><p>“Up you go.”</p><p>Both sides of the staircase were covered with framed photographs. Sugawara was in some of them, smiling and laughing and waving toward the camera. In most of these photos, a man with dark hair and eyes was standing right beside him, an arm wrapped around Sugawara’s shoulders or holding his hand or kissing his cheek. Kenma couldn’t help but think, <em>Cute</em>.</p><p>The door at the top of the stairs led into the café. The second Kenma entered the room, he felt a wave of warmth and safety wash over him. The walls were painted a daffodil yellow, and the tables were covered with light green cloths. There were cut flowers and potted plants on every surface, despite it being October, and the air smelled of something sweet that Kenma didn’t recognize, but he liked it. This place felt like home. Not the home he’d had with his mother, nothing would ever be like that; but Kenma felt comfortable.</p><p>Only one of the tables was taken by an elderly woman with pear green hair, flicking through the pages of a worn-out magazine. If Kenma squinted his eyes, she looked a little like his mother. Of course, she’d never really had green hair. She’d bleached it whenever her roots started showing again, always anxious to hide anything that could’ve given away that she wasn’t human. Kenma’s hair was usually bleached, too. It had been a while, though, and he was sure that in a few days, his green hair would be noticeable again. He’d always liked its mossy color.</p><p>“Here, sit down. I’ll get you some coffee, and something to eat.” Sugawara pointed at a table tucked behind a corner.</p><p>Kenma hesitated, picking at his thumb. “Actually… Could I get some water first?”</p><p>“Of course! I’ll be back in a second.” He smiled again as he turned around to walk through an unassuming door.</p><p>Sitting down on the cushioned chair, Kenma accidentally hit his knee on the leg of the table. He swallowed down a curse, then reached down to rub at it. The feeling of security dissipated as anxiety pushed to the forefront of his mind. Kenma couldn’t get comfortable here, he still wasn’t safe. He didn’t actually know this man, and his mom had always told him not to trust strangers, no matter how trustworthy they seemed. At least they weren’t alone, Kenma tried to assure himself, and Sugawara surely wouldn’t try to hurt him while another person was present.</p><p>As soon as Sugawara returned with a big glass of water in one hand and a plate of rice and an omelet in the other, Kenma was overwhelmed by the sudden dryness of his throat, the hollow feeling of his stomach. He tried to drink the water slowly, but it still dribbled down his chin and he had to wipe it away with the back of his hand as Sugawara chuckled.</p><p>“I guess you really were thirsty,” he said. Shifting in his chair, Kenma made an affirmative noise. He scooped up some of the rice, chewing it slowly, but after a few moments, he couldn’t be bothered to hold himself back anymore and wolfed down the food. </p><p>As it turned out, Sugawara worked at the café. He was a nymph, and mostly responsible for the coffee, as his cooking skills were not quite on par with those of his colleague, Ennoshita. Thus the omelet with rice, he explained. Kenma didn’t mind, though. Sugawara was also the one who took care of the plants, which made sense, considering his nature. It came as easy to him as breathing.</p><p>Wiping at his mouth with his sleeve, Kenma put away his chopsticks. His stomach was comfortably full and warmth was spreading through his body, letting him sink back into the chair. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest, one that he’d gotten so used to that he’d forgotten about it. Sugawara stopped talking about the succulent he’d gotten a week prior and grabbed Kenma’s plate.</p><p>“Stay right here, I’ll go get you some coffee. I promise it’ll be a lot better than the food.”</p><p>After the first sip, Kenma agreed that Sugawara <em>was</em> a lot better at making coffee than cooking. It didn’t taste like the stale black coffee he’d had before; this one was a little sweet and Sugawara had put caramel sauce on it. Kenma liked sweet things.</p><p>“Do you have anywhere to go?” Sugawara asked.</p><p>Suddenly, Kenma felt very small under Sugawara’s gaze, and hiding behind his bangs, he took another sip of his coffee. He shook his head, just slightly, but it was enough for the other to understand.</p><p>“That’s alright.” He reached across the table and Kenma felt fingertips brushing against his own hands for a second. He barely managed to keep himself from shying away, but Sugawara noticed anyway and gave him a sympathetic smile.</p><p>“You can stay here for a while if you want to.”</p><p>Kenma furrowed his brow. There had to be a catch, there was no way that they’d just let a stranger stay at their café. So, he asked, but Sugawara shook his head.</p><p>“I told you before, this is what we do. We take in kids from the streets, and they usually stay for a week or two until they’ve found another place to go or start feeling restless. We’ve all been there, so really, we just want to help.”</p><p>Kenma took a minute to think Sugawara’s words over. If he really <em>was</em> free to leave at any time, without owing these strangers anything… Perhaps they really were selfless and goodhearted enough to honestly want to help whomever they could. The idea felt strange to Kenma, but he didn’t have anywhere else to go, and it certainly couldn’t be more dangerous than living in a discarded cardboard box… right?</p><p>A tiny voice at the back of his head told him that Sugawara could very well be <em>worse</em> than whatever was out there, but Kenma wasn’t sure if it really mattered at this point. He just wanted to sleep with a roof over his head.</p><p>“Okay,” he said.</p><p>Sugawara gave him another one of his bright smiles. “Very well, Kenma. I’m glad to hear that.” He glanced at the wall behind him. “It’s getting quite late. I’ll introduce you to Daichi, and then we’ll find you a bed, alright?”</p><p>He just nodded. In all the excitement, Kenma had been distracted from his fatigue, but now it was hitting him full force. If it hadn’t been for the coffee, he probably wouldn’t have been able to keep his eyes open.</p><p> </p><p>They walked down the stairs again, through the curtain and through winding corridors until they reached a dark wooden door. Sugawara knocked twice and opened it.</p><p>“Daichi,” he said, “Remember the boy I found outside? He’s awake now.” He motioned for Kenma to enter the room.</p><p>There wasn’t much inside, except for a big desk with huge piles of paper stacked up on its surface and a bookshelf filled with ring binders. At first, he didn’t even see the man sitting behind the desk. He had dark hair and eyes – Kenma recognized him as the man in the photos with Sugawara.</p><p>There were deep shadows beneath his eyes, but he still smiled when he saw Kenma.</p><p>“Hello, I’m Sawamura Daichi, the owner of the café. It looks like you’re finally feeling better.”</p><p>“I am, thank you,” Kenma said politely but not meeting his eyes.</p><p>“His name is Kenma. I already gave him something to eat. He said he’d like to stay for a bit.” Sugawara had entered the room behind Kenma and closed the door quietly.</p><p>“Oh dear, I hope it didn’t taste too bad. Koushi is a terrible cook.” Sawamura chuckled at Sugawara’s pout before he turned back to Kenma. “Well, he’s certainly told you that there’s no pressure at all. Karasuno is a safe place for monsters, especially teenagers. The streets are dangerous, even more so when you’re not human.” He paused for a second. “Kenma, I hope you understand that I have to ask <em>what</em> you are.”</p><p>Of course he understood, but that didn’t stop Kenma’s muscles from tensing and his vision from blurring. He knew there was nothing to be scared of, Sugawara wasn’t human and if he wasn’t mistaken, neither was Sawamura. And yet, his voice was merely a whisper when he told them, “I’m a nymph.”</p><p>Without batting an eye, Sawamura nodded, clasping his hands on the desk and resting his chin on top of them. “Thank you for telling me.” He cleared his throat. “You’re going to spend the night, I assume?”</p><p>Something about his voice made Kenma’s chest tighten as a wave of anxiety washed over him. It rushed through his hands, making his fingers shake, got stuck in his throat and made his head spin. <em>You’re not safe</em>, a part of him seemed to scream.</p><p>A warm hand on his shoulder made Kenma snap out of his thoughts. Sugawara was smiling at him, but there was worry in his eyes.</p><p>“Sorry,” Kenma mumbled. Then he added, “Yes. I’d like to stay.”</p><p>“Then it’s settled,” Sawamura told him. “Koushi will find you a bed and we’ll talk again in the morning. Go get some rest now.”</p><p>With his hand still on Kenma’s shoulder, Sugawara led him outside. He didn’t let go even as they walked. For once, Kenma didn’t mind. He wasn’t big on touching and hugs and the like, but Sugawara’s presence was weirdly reassuring.</p><p>Kenma half expected him to ask why Kenma had panicked, but the question never came. Instead, Sugawara said, “You’re probably wondering why Daichi wasn’t surprised when you told him you’re a nymph, aren’t you?”</p><p>Actually, he hadn’t been thinking about that at all, but Kenma nodded anyway.</p><p>“You see,” Sugawara continued, “A human probably wouldn’t have been able to tell that you’re not like them. You pass very well, Kenma. But if you spend a lot of time around other monsters – as Daichi does – you pick up on little things that make it easier to tell. It’s not just about the way someone looks, it’s something about their… aura, if you want to call it that.”</p><p>Kenma didn’t understand what Sugawara meant by that, but he hummed in agreement. It was reassuring to hear that he passed for a human, because being perceived as a human meant being <em>safe</em>. That was another thing his mother had taught him.</p><p>Sugawara opened a door to their right. It led into a small chamber, barely fitting a bed and a dresser.</p><p>“It’s not much, but it should be enough for now. Do you have any more questions?”</p><p>Kenma answered no.</p><p>“Alright then. If you need to use the bathroom, it’s just down the corridor. The last door to the left, you can’t miss it. If you need help with anything else, you can come to me or Daichi. Even if it’s the middle of the night, we’ll be there to help you. Do you remember how to get to Daichi’s office?”</p><p>The details were a little fuzzy, but Kenma knew he wouldn’t try to find Sugawara or Sawamura, no matter what happened.</p><p>“I think so.”</p><p>“Good! If you continue down the corridor and turn left, you’ll find our bedroom. There’s a potted plant next to the door.” Sugawara squeezed his shoulder, wished him a good night and walked away.</p><p>Kenma watched his back until he turned around a corner, then he pulled the door closed with a sigh and let himself fall face-first onto the bed. He fished his dead phone out of his back pocket and threw it onto the dresser. With every passing second, Kenma grew more tired. Stifling a yawn, he kicked off his shoes and switched off the light. His eyelids were heavy as he curled up on the bed, and the sheets were so soft…</p><p>A few moments later, Kenma had fallen into a deep slumber.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i was going to finish this fic before posting, but i'm kinda excited about it so i really wanna share it. updates will probably be every other week (i've written 10 chapters so far). i have no idea how long this is going to be tbh</p><p>you can talk to me on tumblr  @applepie-kenma<br/>feel free to ask questions about this au, although a bunch of stuff will be explained in later chapters</p><p>edit 02.26.2021 - i changed a few things bc i didn't really like this chapter anymore, but it's nothing major, mostly just rephrasing and moving a few paragraphs around</p><p> </p><p>this story is part of the <a href="https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject">llf comment project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. this author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p><ul>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>He was falling. No, not falling. He was underwater. Sinking. Drowning. Kenma tried to open his eyes, but he couldn’t see anything. Just endless black. A sharp pain shot through his finger, as if he’d been pricked with a needle. Another prick followed, this time in his ring finger. Another one. Soon, he felt pricks all over his hand. </em>Make it stop<em>, he thought. But whatever was out there in the dark didn’t stop. Suddenly, he realized that the pricks stemmed from tiny teeth sinking into his skin over and over again. Kenma wanted to scream. Water flooded into his lungs, stifling every sound he might’ve made. He couldn’t move. Teeth were picking at his flesh, creatures in the dark that he couldn’t </em>see<em> were ripping him apart. He couldn’t move. His eyelids wouldn’t open, and Kenma couldn’t see what was there, right in front of him. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t…</em></p>
<p>Gasping for air, Kenma woke up. His shirt was sticking to his skin, and when he lifted his hands to his lips, he could smell the blood under his fingernails. There was a familiar, bitter taste in his mouth. He removed the leaf from under his tongue and stuffed it into the pocket of his jacket that he hadn’t bothered to take off. He didn’t know what time it was, but it felt like he hadn’t slept at all. Groaning, he closed his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Somehow, Kenma must have fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes again, he didn’t feel tired anymore. Blinking, he waited for them to get used to the darkness of the room. When he finally sat up, the blanket pooled in his lap, leaving Kenma feeling very cold. He didn’t mind, it sharpened his senses and lifted the fog from his brain. Quietly, he slipped out of the bed. The sound of his bare feet hitting the ground seemed to echo through the room as he walked toward the light switch and flicked it on. The sudden brightness made him squint.</p>
<p>He put on his shoes, tying double-knots, and left the bedroom. For a moment he considered taking his phone with him, but with a dead battery it wasn’t of any use, so he left it on the dresser. The corridors were empty and quiet, just like they’d been the night before. Kenma wasn’t actually sure if it was already morning, but he found that he didn’t care.</p>
<p>When he entered the café, it was empty. The lights hadn’t been turned on yet, and the tables weren’t set. Maybe he shouldn’t have come up here. Perhaps it was still too early to even be awake. But when he took a few more steps into the middle of the room, his gaze fell on the windows. The night had shifted from pitch black to a dark pewter tone, and the first specks of morning light made the air shimmer.</p>
<p>Kenma simply stood there and watched the sun rise. He watched as the sky slowly turned blue, as orange rays stretched across the roofs of the old buildings, like fingers reaching for another hand to hold onto, as the clouds moving above him blushed.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here? We’re still closed!”</p>
<p>Kenma spun around. There was a man standing in the café, the door to the basement still open behind him. He had ordinary dark brown hair, but his eyes were of a dark purple and the sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up to expose his heavily tattooed arms. If it hadn’t been for the light blue apron with the café’s name on it that he was wearing, he could have been a character in a bad action movie.</p>
<p>The man’s eyes seemed to wander over Kenma’s unkempt hair, his dirty jacket, and the frayed seams of his pants. Sighing, he shook his head.</p>
<p>“Did Suga pick you up? You look awful…” He grinned as he noticed the pink tinge in Kenma’s cheeks. Kenma was painfully aware that he hadn’t showered in several days; his hair must look like a bird’s nest and there were stains all over his clothes.</p>
<p>“How about you go take a shower and I’ll get you some breakfast? Sound good?”</p>
<p>It was… <em>confusing</em>. Everyone he’d met so far had been so kind, even though Kenma was a stranger, a teenager they’d found on the street. None of the people he’d grown up with would’ve given an unconscious teenager lying on the ground a second glance, let alone someone who wasn’t human. <em>Especially</em> not his mother.</p>
<p>Perhaps this was something monsters did? Stick together. Hadn’t Sugawara told him at one point that all of them had been forced to live on the streets, until they’d found a home at Karasuno? Kenma mused it made sense that they’d want to do the same for others.</p>
<p>He managed to smile at the man.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that sounds good.”</p>
<p>“Alright, kid. I’ll see you in a few minutes.” He walked off toward the kitchen, whistling a tune Kenma had never heard before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finding the way back to the room he’d slept in and the bathroom turned out to be more difficult than Kenma had expected. Before, he’d simply followed his intuition, but now that he was searching for something, the corridors seemed to shift as if they were alive, leading him to rooms he didn’t recognize from the day before. Kenma’s head began to spin, his chest felt tight and his palms were sweaty. Leaning against the wall, he wiped them on his pants. When he looked up, his eyes fell to a large potted monstera. <em>This must be Sugawara’s bedroom</em>, he realized. So, if he turned right, he’d get to Sawamura’s office. Feeling the tension in his muscles lifting, Kenma started down the corridor.</p>
<p>It took him two minutes to find the bedroom. He looked inside, just to check if his phone was where he’d left it. To his surprise, he found a stack of clothes on his bed. There was a post-it note on top of it, reading <em>Good morning, Kenma! I figured you’d want to change into something clean. Don’t worry about returning the clothes, you can keep them. And remember to swing by Daichi’s office later! Suga</em>. He left the note next to his phone and hurried to the bathroom, Sugawara’s clothes pressed against his chest.</p>
<p>After he’d locked the door and shrugged off his dirty clothes, he stepped into the shower. The water didn’t immediately turn warm, but Kenma wouldn’t have minded a cold shower anyway. He could see the dirt being washed off his skin, and he scrubbed at the more persistent filth until he felt the weight of the past few weeks dropping from his shoulders and disappearing in the drain with the murky water.</p>
<p>Kenma dried himself off with a towel and wrapped it around his hair to keep it from dripping before he slipped into the clothes Sugawara had given him. They were too big on him; the legs of the jeans creased over his ankles and dragged over the floor and the sweater reached past his fingertips. When Kenma finally dared to look in the mirror, he cringed. He almost looked like a child playing dress-up in their father’s clothes. Somehow, that was a comforting thought. Still, he cuffed the pant legs so he wouldn’t trip over his own feet.</p>
<p>He didn’t bother to dry his hair more than he had to; the towel had soaked up most of the water, so he simply combed through it with his fingertips until the worst knots were gone and he deemed himself somewhat presentable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Upstairs in the café, Sugawara was standing behind the counter, wearing a powder blue apron like the man Kenma had met earlier. He waved at Kenma upon spotting him.</p>
<p>“Good morning! Oh my, they’re a bit too big.” Chuckling, he gestured toward the sweater.</p>
<p>Kenma crossed the room and climbed onto one of the stools at the counter.</p>
<p>“They’re fine, thank you.” He paused and his fingers began to fumble with the seam of his sleeve cuff. “Thank you for letting me spend the night here.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it. You’re not the first kid to need a place to stay, and you certainly won’t be the last one. It’s the least we could do.” Sugawara ran a hand through his hair. “So, I hear you’ve met Ennoshita?”</p>
<p>Kenma nodded.</p>
<p>“He’s nice, isn’t he? He used to get really upset when I forgot to tell him about new people staying here, but I suppose he’s gotten used to it. We’ve been doing it for a while, after all.”</p>
<p>“Oi, Suga! Come help me for a second!”</p>
<p>“Speaking of the devil…” Sugawara shot Kenma an apologetic smile and disappeared in the kitchen.</p>
<p>He returned several minutes later with a plate of blueberry pancakes. Kenma didn’t ask where they’d gotten them in October. The pancakes had a strange aftertaste, one that Kenma couldn’t quite place. Maybe it was the syrup that had been poured over them generously.</p>
<p>While he ate, Sugawara talked about the plants he’d been propagating, how fast they were growing and the weird fruits one of them had grown. If he was lucky, they were edible or even magical. Then, he sent Kenma to Sawamura’s office.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked just as tired as the day before, making Kenma wonder if he’d slept at all. He sat down in one of the armchairs in front of the desk, pulling his legs to his chest, and waited for Sawamura to start speaking.</p>
<p>“Did you sleep well?” Kenma couldn’t help but frown at his attempt to make polite conversation but nodded and thanked him for giving him a place to stay.</p>
<p>“It’s no problem.” Sawamura sighed. “Look, kid… Have you been watching the news?”</p>
<p>Kenma shook his head. How <em>could</em> he have? In their apartment, they hadn’t had a tv for years and the radio had been broken since his mother had knocked it off the shelf in an attempt to change the station.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing you need to worry about, but people have been going missing lately, so I was thinking that maybe it’d be good for you to stay for a while. I don’t want to pressure you, of course. But I also don’t want you to get hurt.”</p>
<p>Kenma half expected a flood of anxiety to drown him, but weirdly, his head felt… empty. He blinked at Sawamura, who sighed again.</p>
<p>“It’s your decision. But just in case you want to stay here, I was thinking we should talk about what you’d like to do while you’re here. It can be very frustrating not having anything to do.”</p>
<p>Kenma got the feeling that this was the polite way of telling him that they couldn’t just let him stay here for free forever. That wasn’t surprising, but made him worry nonetheless. His fingers tensed around his legs.</p>
<p>“There isn’t much you <em>can</em> do around here, though, there’s just the café. It isn’t very busy in the off-season, so I was thinking it’d be a good time to familiarize yourself with everything. The coffee machine, the menu…” He trailed off, pinching the back of his nose. “As Koushi said, there’s no pressure at all. If you want to leave, that’s perfectly fine, too.” Sawamura looked at him expectantly, so Kenma nodded slowly, signaling that he was still listening. “You could ask Koushi what his work is like. If you don’t like it, we can try to think of something else for you to do. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>Kenma thanked him, unsure of what to say. Working at the café sounded like a very good option, considering what else could have been asked of him. Too good an option, almost. This entire situation felt unreal. <em>Maybe that’s it</em>, he thought. <em>Perhaps this is a fever dream</em>. His head certainly felt heavy enough for that to be the case. But even so, it was a nice dream, and Kenma didn’t want to wake up.</p>
<p>When he said he appreciated the offer, Sawamura seemed happy enough and sent him back upstairs. Kenma spent the rest of the day browsing magazines and staring out the windows, not paying much attention to what was happening around him.</p>
<p>When six o’clock rolled around, Sugawara took off his apron and smiled at Kenma. “Today wasn’t very busy. It must’ve been boring.”</p>
<p>“Not at all.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sugawara showed Kenma around the basement. He couldn’t find a pattern in the way the rooms were organized, and he highly suspected that some kind of magic was involved, twisting the corridors so they formed a maze. It would take him a while to remember where everything was, Sugawara admitted. For the time being, it was enough to know how to get to his own room and Sawamura’s office.</p>
<p>Kenma noticed there was a corridor that they didn’t enter. The light seemed dimmer there, and a weird feeling settled in his stomach as he turned his back on it. But Sugawara didn’t say anything, and he didn’t ask.</p>
<p>They had dinner in a small kitchen, crammed between a fridge that could’ve fit an entire bull and a shelf stacked with a number of bottles and jars, as well as dried herbs. Sugawara told him about the other people who lived there, and when Kenma asked why he hadn’t met anyone besides Ennoshita and Daichi, Sugawara just shrugged and explained many of them only stayed for the nights and spent their days going about their business downtown. It seemed a bit suspicious to Kenma; an awful lot of things seemed suspicious about this place, but he refused to let his mind go there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, Kenma had another nightmare. Again, he woke up with leaves in his mouth and blood under his fingernails. In the morning, he remembered to check the mirror, trying to find any wounds on his skin. But there was nothing there, so he simply put on his shirt and focused on other things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Upon entering the kitchen, Kenma was met with a pair of brown eyes staring at him so intensely that he almost forgot how to breathe. They belonged to a boy who couldn’t have been much younger than himself, despite seeming a few inches shorter, and who was sitting cross-legged on the table. He had a spoon raised half-way to his mouth, milk slowly dripping into the bowl in his lap.</p>
<p>“Who’re you?”</p>
<p>“I’m… Kenma,” he replied, uncomfortably shifting his weight from one leg to the other and slipping into the safety behind his bangs.</p>
<p>The boy huffed. “You’re new, I haven’t seen you around before. Do you have any special powers?”</p>
<p>“I’m… a nymph, if that’s what you mean?” The word still tasted a little foreign on his tongue, but the admission already came easier to him than it had the day before.</p>
<p>His eyes lit up. “Woah, you too? Can you do the thing where it’s like, you know, <em>swish</em> and a little tree starts growing?”</p>
<p>Kenma shook his head. “I don’t really know how to do <em>anything,</em>” he admitted.</p>
<p>“Suga can teach you! And then you can be like, <em>woooosh</em> and—” A loud clanging noise silenced him. He’d thrown his hands into the air, obviously not remembering that he was still holding a spoon, and it had fallen right into the bowl, making milk splutter over his lap.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?” Kenma asked cautiously.</p>
<p>The boy just waved his hand through the air.</p>
<p>“It’s fine, it’s fine. Not the first time that this has happened to me.” He laughed and scratched his neck. “Oh, I forgot to mention earlier. I’m Hinata Shouyou. Nice to meet you!”</p>
<p>Kenma was about to reply when a loud voice caught both boys’ attention.</p>
<p>“Shouyou, good morning!”</p>
<p>Sugawara entered the kitchen, a bright smile plastered onto his face.</p>
<p>“Ah, Kenma. Morning! Glad to see you’re making friends.” Laughing, he patted Kenma’s shoulder and then turned to Hinata. “You’re gonna clean that up, right? And don’t sit on the table.” Despite the cheery tone in his voice, the words made a shiver run down Kenma’s spine.</p>
<p>Hinata sighed exaggeratedly, unfazed by the implied threat. “<em>Yes</em>, Suga.” Grabbing the now mostly empty bowl, he let himself slide off the surface and dropped the bowl in the sink. “I’ll be back in a second, just getting changed.”</p>
<p>Whistling the tune of an old pop song, he disappeared down the corridor.</p>
<p>Kenma was glad when Sugawara took over the conversation, cheerfully talking about nothing he found of much significance. The uneasiness he’d felt at his sudden coldness lingered, but it was easy to push to the back of his mind when he tried to focus on the man’s voice. When Hinata returned, wearing a new pair of jeans and an over-sized hoodie instead of his long-sleeved shirt, he claimed most of Sugawara’s attention, and Kenma was finally able to breathe freely. Watching Hinata and Sugawara’s banter might not have been the most entertaining thing, but it allowed him to simply curl up on his chair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Since there was nothing else to do and there were only a handful of customers around due to the gloomy weather, Sugawara decided to explain to Kenma how the coffee machine worked. Making coffee turned out to be a lot more complicated than he’d expected, but Kenma was good at remembering little things and by the end of the day he knew how to make a simple latte with caramel sauce (Ennoshita’s favorite drink, as he was told). It was… fun, Kenma found. When his fingers were pressing buttons on the coffee machine or pouring beverages, they weren’t shaking, and when he had to focus on getting everything <em>just</em> right, his mind couldn’t wander to things he’d rather not think about.</p>
<p>Sugawara almost seemed proud of him as Kenma gently placed the cup on the counter. Rubbing his left foot over the other, he shifted his weight, watching as Sugawara blew on the coffee to cool it before taking a sip. Perhaps Kenma was only imagining it, but it looked like his eyes lit up.</p>
<p>“Kenma, this is good! It tastes… <em>good</em>,” he called. “I’m surprised, to be honest. Ennoshita took a while to figure out all the buttons.”</p>
<p>He felt a blush creeping onto his cheeks and hastily, Kenma let his bangs fall into his face again. He’d tucked them behind his ears while he was working. Ennoshita had offered him a hair tie, but Kenma’s hair wasn’t quite long enough for a ponytail. He liked how it barely reached past his chin, not requiring any actual effort but still long enough to hide behind.</p>
<p>Sugawara smiled at him and assured him once again that his coffee was <em>really tasty</em> and he’d added just the right amount of caramel sauce.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They had dinner with Sawamura and Ennoshita. Sawamura tried to include Kenma in their conversation as much as possible, but once he noticed how stiffly Kenma was gripping his fork, he just smiled at him warmly and let his attention wander back to Sugawara, always casually touching his hands or brushing hair out of his face or watching his partner with a look in his eyes that Kenma couldn’t quite place.</p>
<p>It was nice spending time with them. Somewhere in the back of Kenma’s mind, the thoughts of how dangerous these men could be were still lingering, but he allowed himself to be swept away by the air of safety and strange familiarity that surrounded them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even though he’d been having nightmares for weeks, Kenma still hadn’t gotten used to them. He wasn’t sure if nightmares were something one <em>could</em> get used to, but he prayed that maybe one day, his own mind wouldn’t scare him anymore. This night, it was a new dream, full of ghostly faces that drifted through the air surrounding Kenma, some of them laughing quietly, others whispering, but all of them watching him, despite not having mouths or eyes.</p>
<p>There was a dandelion sprouting from the bedpost when Kenma opened his eyes. He considered ripping it out, stuffing it into his jacket to secretly throw it away in the morning, but sleep overcame him again before he could move a single finger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hinata was waiting for him with two bowls of cereal.</p>
<p>“Good morning, Kenma! Did you sleep well? I heard Suga taught you how to make coffee! That’s so awesome, do you think you could make one for me?” He frowned, suddenly. “Actually, nevermind that, Kageyama would yell at me again.”</p>
<p>“Who’s Kageyama?” Kenma asked, still standing on the doorstep.</p>
<p>Hinata gestured with flailing arms for him to sit down on the chair. He was sitting on the table again, clearly unperturbed by Sugawara’s warning the previous day. Afraid that he’d spill milk again if Hinata kept moving like that, Kenma slid onto the chair, pulling up his legs and crossing them, similar to the other boy.</p>
<p>“Oh, he’s just my partner. He’s super mean and grumpy all the time, but he’s also super good at his job. Like, <em>scary good</em>. Don’t tell him I said that, though.” His cheeks seemed a little pinker than a few seconds before and Hinata rubbed his neck in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. “Now eat your cereal or it’s gonna get all soggy.”</p>
<p>Like Sugawara, Hinata was more than happy to talk without a pause and didn’t ask for more than an occasional nod or hum. Most of his stories didn’t make much sense to Kenma (and he had the feeling that he left out a few details because he would stop halfway through a sentence and scrunch his nose before starting anew), but Hinata got very excited when he spoke, making it easy to get lost in his words. Before Kenma knew it, an hour had passed. His bowl had been abandoned after he’d picked out the cereal and nothing but the lukewarm milk was left, yet somehow, Hinata hadn’t pushed it off the table with one of his grand hand gestures.</p>
<p>“Do you think Sugawara will teach you how to make more kinds of coffee?”</p>
<p>Kenma shrugged. “Maybe.” And then, quieter, he added, “I’d like that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the next few days, he settled into his new routine. He had cereal with Shouyou (he couldn’t remember when he’d started calling him by his first name, but he liked the sound of <em>Shouyou</em> much more than <em>Hinata</em>, anyway) or a proper breakfast with rice when someone else joined them – Shouyou was not allowed to touch the stove anymore after one too many disasters. Then, he spent the day in the café with Sugawara teaching him how to make the beverages they sold and Ennoshita attempting to introduce him to <em>the fine art of cooking</em>, as he called it. As it turned out, Kenma was much better at memorizing how to make drinks, though.</p>
<p>“He’s <em>just</em> like you,” Ennoshita groaned, staring at Sugawara reproachfully. The other man just smiled innocently and patted Kenma’s shoulder.</p>
<p>He noticed that he didn’t mind being touched so much, anymore. Not just Sugawara, but also Ennoshita and Hinata liked being close to people, casually brushing arms and knees against each other and ruffling through hair. At first, Kenma had flinched every time, but his brain must’ve realized that the other men’s presence wasn’t a threat – rather, it was almost becoming a source of comfort for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A week after Sugawara had found him, Kenma worked his first shift at the café. He was wearing the blue apron and a nametag, <em>Kenma</em> printed onto it in neat letters. It was a slow day, but every time the doorbell jingled, he started. His fingers were shaky, he couldn’t meet the customers’ eyes, and blood was pounding so loudly in his ears that he could barely make out the orders. After a while, Sugawara took pity on him and let Kenma work the machines while he cheerfully made small talk and complimented the customers. It earned him quite a few tips, especially from a group of teenage girls who giggled among themselves as Sugawara gave them a wide smile, his eyes sparkling.</p>
<p>“Daichi’s gonna get jealous if you keep flirting with them.” Ennoshita was leaning in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest.</p>
<p>Sugawara shook his head. “I’m not flirting with them, I’m just convincing them to give me money. Besides, Daichi knows I only have eyes for him.”</p>
<p>Ennoshita made a gagging sound and disappeared into the kitchen.</p>
<p>Despite their constant bantering, Sugawara and Ennoshita were visibly close. From the way Ennoshita’s lips curved slightly upwards whenever he criticized the way Sugawara had poured the syrup over his coffee to the extra tomato slices he added to Sugawara’s sandwiches, it was obvious that they’d known each other for a long time.</p>
<p>Everything about the café, the two included, just screamed of domesticity and comfort. Thus, Kenma was all the more surprised when on a quiet Thursday evening a man came limping into the café and collapsed over the counter.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading! </p>
<p>this chapter was beta read by @paradoxicalpsychic on tumblr - thank you so much! &lt;3</p>
<p> </p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kenma just stared at the man for a few seconds. His mind was completely blank. Somewhere a voice was yelling at him to <em>do</em> <em>something, anything, don’t just stand there</em>, but his legs wouldn’t move and neither would his hands and his eyes were glued to that body in front of him.</p><p>A loud noise made Kenma flinch, and he realized he’d dropped the still empty paper cup he’d been holding. It was enough to tear himself away from the sight. Kenma’s trembling fingers found the edge of the counter and clung to it as if it was his lifeline.</p><p>“S-Suga… Sugawara!”</p><p>The door creaked as Sugawara popped his head in. “Is everything alright, Ken—”</p><p>At the sight of the man, Sugawara fell silent, his everlasting smile disappearing from his face. But unlike Kenma, he regained his composure after a mere moment. Taking off his apron and dropping it onto the counter, he crossed the room. When he gently pushed Kenma aside, his fingers were cold and tense.</p><p>“Who is that?” Kenma asked as Sugawara checked the man’s pulse. He didn’t answer. Carefully placing one hand under the man’s chest and steadying his body with the other, Sugawara rolled the man over. Kenma’s stomach clenched at the sight of his blood-drenched shirt. Two alarmingly large stains had formed, one just below his ribs and one above his right hip bone. But there were blood splatters on his legs, too, and his arms, and his face, and… there was blood <em>everywhere</em>. The inner lining of the man’s leather jacket had turned a dull brown, having soaked up the liquid; the tattoos that crawled out of his collar and over his neck were obscured with dark splotches, making it impossible to tell what the black lines were depicting.</p><p>Only now Kenma registered that there was something poking out of the man’s charcoal hair. <em>Horns</em>. Dark brown horns, winding toward the back of his head. This man was a<em> demon.</em></p><p>Kenma had never met a demon. He’d <em>seen</em> them before, lighting cigarettes with their own fire, spinning knives and lingering in front of nightclubs. But his mother had always quickly pulled Kenma along, hissing that <em>demons can’t be trusted, they enjoy nothing more than hurting others</em>.</p><p>Judging by the amount of blood splatters that couldn’t have originated from his own injuries, this demon had definitely hurt someone else. Multiple someones, probably.</p><p>Sugawara sighed. “I’ll take him downstairs. You take care of the café, okay?” His tone was light, but there was a heaviness in his stare that sent a shiver down Kenma’s spine. Sugawara had never ordered him to do anything before, but there was no doubt that it was exactly that, an order.</p><p>Kenma nodded hesitantly. Sugawara was scary when he was that calm.</p><p> </p><p>After he’d wiped the blood off the counter and thoroughly cleaned it, focusing on work was almost impossible. Not that there were many customers, only one elderly man who asked for a slice of cake, but Kenma had wanted to use the afternoon to practice making drinks. Every time he attempted to prepare one of the drinks he hadn’t memorized yet, though, his mind went blank and he couldn’t focus on the task at hand, so he eventually settled on staring out the window.</p><p>At half past four, Shouyou came in through the front door, dragging a rather annoyed looking boy behind him.</p><p>“Hi, Kenma! This is Kageyama. Don’t mind him, he’s a bit grumpy because he’s tired.”</p><p>A deep, warning growl came out of Kageyama’s throat, but Shouyou simply pushed him toward one of the stools in front of the counter before hopping onto one himself.</p><p>“Can I get some coffee? I don’t mind what it is, as long as there’s caffeine in it.”</p><p>Vaguely remembering that Shouyou had mentioned something about his partner not letting him drink coffee, Kenma shot Kageyama a quick look. His eyes were glinting menacingly.</p><p>“If you’re drinking coffee, I’m leaving. You always get even more annoying.”</p><p>Shouyou spun around. “You’re so rude! I’m not annoying at all. Besides, today was so exhausting,” he whined. “You would probably feel better after some coffee, too.”</p><p>Kageyama just huffed, rolling his eyes. “I’ll need something stronger if I have to deal with you.” Then, turning to Kenma, he said, “Give him some hot chocolate. He’ll be insufferable otherwise.”</p><p>Nervously spinning the empty cup he’d grabbed, Kenma glanced back at Shouyou.</p><p>He threw his arms into the air, sighed dramatically and said, “Fine, I’ll take that. Oh, but add some extra marshmallows!” He was already grinning again, excited about the marshmallows, Kenma supposed. Shouyou was truly easy to please.</p><p>Under the intense gaze of Kageyama, Kenma made Shouyou his drink, thanking the gods that he didn’t spill it. His fingers were trembling slightly, not enough to be noticeable but he had the feeling that Kageyama could still tell how nervous he was. Maybe that was why he was staring at him? Could he sense that something had happened earlier?</p><p>Kenma sighed quietly. He hated it when his anxiety got the better of him.</p><p>“What have you been up to?” Shouyou wanted to know. “Did anything exciting happen today?”</p><p>Shrugging as unsuspiciously as possible, Kenma placed the cup on a saucer. He set it down in front of Shouyou who immediately wrapped his hands around the cup, soaking up the warmth it emitted.</p><p>“There weren’t a lot of customers. Ennoshita isn’t here today, and Sugawara…” Kenma fell silent. He didn’t know if he was even allowed to tell Shouyou what had happened. He was fairly sure that he himself wasn’t supposed to know. But Sugawara hadn’t even looked confused, let alone shocked, and Kenma couldn’t stop thinking about that. Was it just a normal occurrence? Did this demon just show up drenched in blood from time to time? Why hadn’t Sugawara explained anything?</p><p>He glanced at the boy in front of him. The demon had clearly been here before, so there was a chance that Shouyou had met him, he reasoned. If the gods were looking kindly upon him today, maybe he could tell Kenma who that person was. It still wouldn’t explain any of what had happened, but at least he would be one step closer to the truth. Biting his lip, Kenma tried to find the right words, but his mind kept jumping from thought to thought, not allowing him to form a coherent sentence in his head.</p><p>Shouyou and Kageyama had begun to debate the effects of caffeine when Kenma burst out, “Do you know any demons, Shouyou?”</p><p>His mouth still open, Shouyou blinked. “Huh?” Kenma didn’t dare repeat his question. “I do know a few demons,” he said eventually. “Why’re you asking?”</p><p>“Someone came in today and I was wondering… I thought maybe you knew him.” Kenma unconsciously hid behind his bangs, fingering the cuffs of his sweater.</p><p>He shrugged. “It’s possible. Do you know his name?”</p><p>Kenma shook his head.</p><p>“What did he look like?” Propping up his arm on the counter, Shouyou rested his chin on his palm.</p><p>“He had black hair, kind of spiked up in the back? And he was pretty tall. Um…” He raked his brain, trying to remember anything that would help Shouyou identify the demon. “He had a leather jacket, and tattoos on his neck.”</p><p>Shouyou frowned. “That could be anyone, really.”</p><p>“But there aren’t a lot of demons who come here and the description fits Kuroo, so it was probably him,” Kageyama said, and his voice seemed to fill out the entire room despite being quiet and even. “He wasn’t supposed to be back until Sunday, though.”</p><p>Kenma’s stomach clenched as he saw Shouyou’s eyes widening with worry. He shouldn’t have brought it up; he should’ve just waited for Sugawara to come back and talk to him. Guilt welled up inside him, twisting his guts and blurring his vision. <em>Don’t ask so many </em>questions, his mother had always said, <em>Nothing good comes from that</em>. Digging his fingernails into his palms, Kenma forced himself to take slow, deep breaths. <em>It’s okay</em>, he told himself, but the thoughts swirling in his brain made it hard to believe that.</p><p>“Kenma, did he look like he was hurt?” The urgency in Shouyou’s voice made him snap out of his thoughts.</p><p>“He was… hurt,” he admitted quietly, eyes fixed on the jar of sugar packets. “Sugawara took him downstairs.”</p><p>“Shit,” Kageyama said. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, though. Shimizu will patch him up.”</p><p>Shouyou didn’t look convinced. Leaving his half-emptied cup on the counter, he jumped off the stool and bolted towards the stairs to the basement.</p><p>Staring after him, Kageyama sighed. When the door slammed shut, he turned back to Kenma, reaching for the cocoa.</p><p>“Don’t worry about him. It’s not first time someone’s gotten hurt, and it won’t be the last. Hinata is just one of those people who can’t get used to it.” He took a sip of the cocoa and cringed. “It’s almost cold.” Then, staring right into Kenma’s eyes, he added, “You should probably get used to it, too.” He sounded so calm and matter-of-fact that Kenma almost stumbled back a step.</p><p>“What do you mean, people get hurt?” This was a café, so surely there was nothing dangerous to be scared of. It was a <em>safe </em>space, everyone always said.</p><p>“Nevermind.” Kageyama took another sip of the cocoa, apparently deciding that it was still good enough to drink.</p><p> </p><p>Kenma <em>did</em> mind. He didn’t want to, but his brain didn’t particularly care about what he wanted. If there was anything his anxiety could get a hold of, it held onto it like a big cat sinking its claws into its prey. But despite knowing that his mind was being irrational, Kenma couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling. The past few days he’d felt safer than perhaps ever before, but the doubts he’d had on the very first day were coming back now, threatening to drown him.</p><p>Shouyou didn’t come back, and Kageyama pulled out his phone after several minutes of silence. His own phone was still dead, lying on top of the dresser in his room. Kenma had wanted to ask Sugawara for a charger, but changed his mind every time he’d gotten a chance to do so. He wondered if someone had texted him, if Yousuke had tried to reach him. All his things were still at his house. Kenma hadn’t needed them, per se, but he felt bad for having to borrow Sugawara’s clothes and he missed the comfort of knowing something was <em>his</em>. Maybe he could ask Sawamura to help him get his bag. He’d told Kenma to ask if he ever needed something, after all.</p><p>The sound of Kageyama clearing his throat made Kenma snap back into reality.</p><p>“It’s almost six, you should start closing up.”</p><p>Glancing at the clock, he realized that he’d spent more than an hour staring out the window. Mumbling a “thank you”, he walked over to the front door, locking it and turning the sign to <em>CLOSED</em>. Kageyama’s gaze followed him as he turned off the coffee machine and cleaned it. He still hadn’t quite gotten the hang of it, so it took him almost twice as long as Sugawara.</p><p>The intensity of Kageyama’s stare made his muscles tense up and Kenma could already tell that his shoulders would be hurting later. The fact that he didn’t say so much as a single word didn’t help, either. Usually, he would have welcomed the silence, but now he was painfully aware that his every move was being watched.</p><p>Something about Kageyama simply felt off. Kenma wasn’t sure if it was because he was a monster – Kageyama wasn’t human, that much was obvious, but he hadn’t figured out what he <em>was</em> yet and he couldn’t remember if someone had told him – or because he was Kageyama. How Shouyou could actually enjoy spending time with his partner was a mystery to Kenma.</p><p>Perhaps they got along for the same reason he and Shouyou did: Shouyou talked for hours on end, and the other one simply listened. Kenma was a great listener, he’d been told. He paid attention to what was being said, he didn’t interrupt anyone and only commented on things when he was specifically asked to.</p><p>He <em>hated</em> it. If it weren’t for his anxiety, Kenma would’ve loved to talk more. It wasn’t like he couldn’t think of anything to say; there was always a lot on his mind, thoughts twirling and bouncing around, but every time he tried to open his mouth, his brain would short-circuit and no sound would come out.</p><p>Even though he had his back turned to the other boy, Kenma could feel his muscles immediately relaxing as Kageyama’s gaze lifted off him. A quick glance from underneath his bangs showed that he’d pulled out his phone again. Whatever he was looking at seemed to irritate him, judging from the way he was biting his lower lip. Kageyama’s pointy teeth glistened slightly.</p><p><em>A vampire?</em>, Kenma mused. There were many monsters who had pointed teeth, in fact he was almost certain that <em>most</em> monsters did. He wasn’t a demon, and too slim to be a werewolf. He might’ve been a shapeshifter; it was almost impossible to tell them apart from humans and other monsters as they only shared few physical traits with their animal forms. Now that he was really looking at him, he noticed Kageyama’s ears. They were long and pointed, a bit like a pixie’s. So, Kageyama was a vampire. No wonder he’d felt like he was being watched by a predator, the other boy <em>was</em> a predator.</p><p>Although, he couldn’t actually be dangerous, Kenma decided. There was no way Sawamura and Sugawara would let him stick around if he had any intention to hurt people. This was a safe place, he reminded himself again. He was safe from humans as well as malevolent monsters.</p><p>Still, he felt a wave of relief wash over him as Kageyama bid him a good night and disappeared down the stairs. The rest of his work seemed to get done a lot faster, and Kenma could finally breathe freely again.</p><p>When he entered the downstairs kitchen, Sawamura and Shouyou were sitting at the table. Or rather, Shouyou was sitting <em>on</em> the table, his legs crossed under him as always.</p><p>“Ah, Kenma. Sit down for a bit, will you?” Sawamura looked even more tired than usually, his furrowed brows and sunken in cheeks reminiscent of a ghost in a low-budget horror movie.</p><p>Kenma did as he was told, mimicking Shouyou’s posture.</p><p>“I’m sorry that you had to see Kuroo like that. It must’ve been a very scary situation.” Sawamura gave him an apologetic smile. “Despite the amount of blood he lost, he’ll be alright. Demons are tough and a very capable healer took care of Kuroo.”</p><p>Kenma nodded, unsure of what to say. “I’m glad to hear that.”</p><p>Shouyou growled in frustration. “He almost <em>died</em>, though. Those bastards—” He cut himself off and jumped off the table, his feet hitting the ground with a loud thud. “I’ll go check on him again, see if he’s woken up.” Cracking his knuckles, he left the kitchen.</p><p>Biting his lip nervously, Kenma stared at the spot where he’d been sitting. That look in Shouyou’s eyes… He’d never seen anything like it on the boy before. <em>Bloodlust</em>.</p><p>“Don’t worry about him. Shouyou’s been on edge lately.”</p><p>“…Alright.” Kenma hesitated before he asked, “Can you tell me what happened to him? Kuroo?”</p><p>Sawamura’s frown deepened. “He got into a fight. I’m afraid that’s all I can tell you. I promise you there’s nothing to worry about, but there are some things you’re better off not knowing.”</p><p>Kenma raised an eyebrow. That seemed suspicious, to say the least. He didn’t want to [push] Sawamura, but he didn’t like that he was hiding something from him. Something that obviously included dangerous, possibly illegal things and a sickening amount of blood.</p><p>He could feel the panic rising in his chest, accompanied with the trembling of his hands and the sudden hotness spreading through his body that he knew so well.</p><p>In an attempt to take his mind off Kuroo, he explained to Sawamura that most of his belongings were still at Yousuke’s house and that he had no way of getting them back. Sawamura promised to send someone to retrieve them for Kenma.</p><p> </p><p>Kenma was lying on his bed the next morning when someone knocked on his door. Confused, he got up to open it. In the entire time he’d been here, no one had ever come to his room, aside from the one time Shouyou reminded him of dinner after Kenma had accidentally fallen asleep.</p><p>A demon was standing in front of him, Kenma’s bag slung over his shoulder.</p><p>“Yo, Daichi told me to get your stuff. The hell did you do to those people? They freaked out when I told them why I was there. Did you cut up their cat or something?”</p><p>Kenma just stared at him. Sending a demon to Yousuke’s house probably hadn’t been the best decision. They’d already been scared of <em>him</em>, despite nymphs being relatively weak compared to both humans and other monsters. He didn’t even want to imagine what their reaction to a <em>demon</em> might’ve been. Especially not one who had a shaved head and wore a heavily studded leather jacket.</p><p>“Ah, not a big talker. I see. Well, here you go, kid.” The man pressed the bag into Kenma’s arms, waved and turned around to walk down the corridor.</p><p>“Um, thank you,” Kenma brought out. “I appreciate your help.”</p><p>The demon’s head snapped back to him, the pointed tip of his tail twitching slightly. “No problem! You’re a part of Karasuno; this is what family is for.” Happily whistling, he left a puzzled Kenma behind.</p><p><em>Family. </em>The word rang through his head. He had noticed that the others were very close, but did they see themselves as a family? And if so, how could Kenma possibly be a part of that? He’d only been here for two weeks, which was definitely not long enough for them to be anything but acquaintances. Or friends, perhaps, but he felt like that was already pushing it a bit.  </p><p>He did like being around them, though. Especially Shouyou had somehow snuck his way into Kenma’s heart, with his loud voice and beaming smiles. Warmth welled up inside him. They probably <em>were</em> his friends. Shouyou, Sugawara – even Ennoshita and Sawamura.</p><p>Kenma closed the door and set his bag down on the bed. Everything still looked the way he’d left it. His shirts were folded, his charger tangled up between socks and a photo of his mom hidden between two hoodies. A whirlwind of emotions welled up inside Kenma as he placed the frame on his dresser. Gods, he missed her. His fingers were trembling slightly as he took his charger out of his bag and plugged it into the socket next to the door and his phone lit up as he connected it. Letting out a shaky breath, Kenma left it lying on the floor and started unpacking his clothes.</p><p>They only took up a single drawer of his dresser. Kenma briefly considered returning the clothes Sugawara had lent him but decided against it. He liked them. They were big and warm and made him feel safe; besides, Sugawara had told him to keep them.</p><p>Since there was nothing left for him to do, Kenma checked his phone. No new messages<em>.</em> Closing his eyes, Kenma ran a hand through his hair. It didn’t matter anyway. Even if Yousuke had decided to send him an angry, strongly worded text, he wasn’t sure if he would’ve wanted to read it. That chapter of his life was over and he could never go back, whether he wanted to or not.</p><p>Kenma had found new friends who, to his surprise, actually cared about him and who’d offered him a place to stay without even knowing him. He was safe now.</p><p><em>It still feels like a lie</em>, he thought as he tossed his phone in the drawer and it slipped under a stack of sweaters.</p><p> </p><p>Shouyou was frowning when Kenma entered the kitchen. It was strange seeing him without a grin plastered onto his face. He barely lifted his head to mumble “Good morning” with a mouth full of cereal.</p><p>Kenma still felt his eyes on his back while he got himself a spoon from the silverware drawer.</p><p>“Are you alright, Shouyou?” he asked, sitting down next to him.</p><p>Shouyou huffed. “It’s fine. Just angry that those fu—Those assholes got away.”</p><p>“The police didn’t catch them?”</p><p>Something flashed over his face, too fast for Kenma to be sure if it had even been there at all, before he shook his head. “No. They didn’t.”</p><p>Throughout breakfast, Shouyou was uncharacteristically quiet. Kenma knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, but he was still sitting on the edge of his seat, hyperaware of every sound and every movement the other boy made.</p><p>“I’m glad that he’s okay, though,” Shouyou said finally. “I think part of the reason why I’m so angry is that I was scared he wouldn’t make it. I mean, he almost didn’t. But Kuroo is a really good guy, you know? Would’ve been really messed up if he’d died like that.”</p><p>Kenma gently placed his hand on Shouyou’s knee and felt the other relax slightly under his touch. “I’m also glad that he’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Fridays were busy. People came in to relax after a week of work or school, and once the clock hit 4 p.m., Sugawara and Kenma didn’t have a single free minute. He knew how to make most of the drinks by now, but it still took him significantly longer than Sugawara.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ve had years of practice. You’re doing just fine, I promise,” he assured Kenma.</p><p>He just sighed as he poured caramel sauce over the hot cocoa. It was frustrating to see how much easier everything was for the older man. His smile was warm and genuine, his hands moved effortlessly and his compliments made the schoolgirls blush as they put money in the tip jar.</p><p>“Hello.”</p><p>Kenma spun around. He almost didn’t recognize the man who’d propped up his arms on the counter, chin resting on his hands. He was wearing the same black leather jacket, but this time his shirt wasn’t covered in blood.</p><p>“K-Kuroo. Are you… doing okay?”</p><p>Smirking, the demon raised an eyebrow. “So you know my name? It seems you’re one step ahead of me.” He squinted his eyes. “<em>Kenma</em>,” he read off his nametag. Pushing himself off the counter, he straightened his back. Kenma hadn’t noticed the day before, but Kuroo was considerably taller than him.</p><p>“I wanted to apologize for yesterday. Must’ve been a shock, having someone collapse on your counter like that.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Kenma mumbled, trying to pull his eyes away from the demon’s. They were a piercing red, and the longer he stared into them, the more it seemed like flames were blazing inside them.</p><p>“Let me make it up to you. I’ll take you out for dinner tomorrow.”</p><p>Kenma blinked, finally managing to look away from Kuroo’s eyes. He must’ve heard that wrong. Furrowing his brows, Kenma repeated the words inside his head.</p><p>“You’ll what?”</p><p>Kuroo laughed at the face Kenma was making. “I’ll pick you up at eight. Bring a jacket.”</p><p>Before he could say anything else, Kuroo had turned around and walked away. The bell above the door chimed as Kuroo pulled it open, and then he disappeared in the throng of people on the street.</p><p>The sound of the next customer clearing their throat tore him back to reality. The girl waiting in front of the counter smirked at Kenma knowingly and told him that he should consider himself lucky; she’d die for a man like Kuroo. He had no idea what the girl meant by that, so he simply nodded and passed her the cup of coffee she’d ordered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter was beta read by @paradoxicalpsychic on tumblr</p><p>thank you for reading! &lt;3</p><p> </p><p>this story is part of the <a href="https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject">llf comment project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. this author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p><ul>
<li>short comments</li>
<li>long comments</li>
<li>questions</li>
<li>constructive criticism</li>
<li>“&lt;3” as extra kudos</li>
<li>reader-reader interaction</li>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time 5 o’clock rolled around, Kenma found himself shaking with nervousness. The last few hours had given his anxiety more than enough time to come up with at least a hundred worst case scenarios, playing each one out before his mind in excruciating detail. In the less scary ones, Kuroo simply disliked Kenma and found various ways to humiliate him or hurt his feelings. In the more terrifying ones, Kenma was left to die in a dumpster with his intestines draped over him.</p><p>“Don’t be so tense, Kenma. Kuroo may look intimidating, but once you get to know him, he’s not scary at all. Well, at least <em>you</em> don’t have to be scared of him,” Sugawara added after a short pause.</p><p>Kenma had confided in him earlier this morning, explaining his worries in a hushed voice while they were sitting at the kitchen table.</p><p>“He gets along great with most people; in fact, he’ll probably be ecstatic if you let him talk for hours. I know you have a hard time voicing your opinions, but I can assure you that Kuroo won’t mind if you don’t say much. He’s a bit like Shouyou, I suppose. Although he’s a lot more mature, he’s a few years older, after all.”</p><p>Raising an eyebrow, Kenma asked, “How old is he?”</p><p>Suga tapped a finger against his lip. “Well, that depends. Speaking in human terms, he’s about 19. But he’s been alive for almost a century.” He laughed at Kenma’s shocked expression. “Were you not aware of how much slower demons age?”</p><p>“I was, but it’s still surprising.” His bangs dropped into his face, but he didn’t bother pushing them away.</p><p>Sugawara’s warm hand slipped onto his shoulder and squeezed it slightly. “You really are nervous because of this, aren’t you?” It was more of a statement than a question. “You know you don’t have to go, right? Kuroo won’t mind if you tell him you’re uncomfortable with that.”</p><p>Kenma let out a sigh. Shifting under the man’s hand, he straightened the plastic straws in their container. “It’s not that. I <em>do</em> think it would be nice to just… get out and do something different. I haven’t left this place since I got here. But it’s impossible for me not to worry about what other people think of me. It’s an anxiety thing,” he added as Sugawara tilted his head in confusion. “I can’t help it.”</p><p>He didn’t reply; he greeted the customer who’d just entered the café and after giving Kenma’s shoulder another squeeze, he removed his hand to take the boy’s order.</p><p>Sugawara let Kenma make the drink while he made small talk. He was not exactly an expert when it came to flirting (which was to be expected, considering that he had virtually no experience in that area), but he could tell Sugawara was good at it. He highly suspected that it was the reason why the tip jar filled significantly faster when Sugawara was working.</p><p>After he handed the cup to the boy and he left with a blush on his cheeks at Sugawara’s cheery wave, he turned around to face Kenma. With a slightly too wide smile on his lips he said, “Whatever happens, you’ll be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>The words were still ringing through his head when Kenma was standing in the bathroom almost three hours later. He got cold easily, so he was wearing two thick hoodies on top of each other. Sugawara probably would’ve given him a coat had he asked for one, but now that Kenma had his own clothes back, he didn’t want to keep taking the older man’s things. His mother wouldn’t have approved of him taking someone else’s belongings, either.</p><p>He tugged at a strand of hair for the last time, deeming himself at least somewhat presentable. Then, his fingers clutched the rim of the sink again and in an attempt to calm himself, Kenma took two deep breaths. He could do this. They would get dinner, and then he’d go back home and let Shouyou talk his ears off. The boy had already told Kenma that he’d be home for the night and that he expected Kenma to watch some TV show with him.</p><p>Still, his heart was beating as if he’d run a marathon when he reached the top of the stairs to the café. Sugawara was sitting on a stool in front of the counter; he’d offered to keep Kenma company until Kuroo showed up.</p><p>“You look nice,” he said, a gentle smile tugging at his lips.</p><p>Kenma hummed and got onto the stool next to him. His palms were sweaty, and he quickly wiped them on his jeans. A glance to the clock told him that it was 7:54 p.m. <em>Only five minutes</em>, he told himself.</p><p>“How are you feeling?”</p><p>“I’m okay.” He felt Sugawara’s questioning gaze on him. Sighing, Kenma looked up from his knees. “Really.”</p><p>The other man raised his hands defensively. “Just making sure.”</p><p>After a few moments of silence, Sugawara began talking about a movie he’d watched with Sawamura two days ago. It was a cheesy romcom that Kenma couldn’t have cared less about, but he welcomed the distraction. His hands didn’t stop shaking, but his breathing started coming more naturally until he was no longer aware of it.</p><p>Sugawara was explaining how the protagonist of the movie had realized that her husband had <em>not</em> been cheating on her with her best friend’s sister when the door swung open. The sudden burst of cold air made Kenma shiver despite the multiple layers he was wearing.</p><p>Kuroo stepped into the room, clad in his black leather jacket, a gray hoodie underneath, and a pair of ripped jeans. Black ink was visible through the holes. His hair was disheveled (Kenma was starting to feel like it was intentional) and he wore a crooked smile on his lips.</p><p>“Kenma,” he called. “Ready to go?”</p><p>Casting a quick glance at Sugawara who nodded slightly, Kenma slipped off his stool and started toward Kuroo.</p><p>“I’ll wait up for you,” Sugawara said. “Have fun!”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’m very entertaining.” Kuroo grinned, exposing his pointy teeth. “He’ll be back before your bedtime. I wouldn’t want to make Daichi wait for his—"</p><p><em>“Thank you</em>, Kuroo. That’s enough.”</p><p>Kenma had reached the door that the demon was still holding open. From up close, he could see a few faint scars on Kuroo’s hand, spanning over a tattoo of two moths. He tore his gaze away before he could get distracted by them, and turned around. “See you later,” he said to Sugawara before ducking under the other man’s arm.</p><p>“See ya!”</p><p>The cool wind made Kenma shiver, but it cleared his head; he still felt nervous but more wary than panicky. He could hear the two men saying goodbye, and then Kuroo let the door slam shut. Stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jacket, he looked Kenma up and down.</p><p>He squirmed under the intense gaze.</p><p>“You look nervous,” Kuroo said. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe.” </p><p>That didn’t sound reassuring at all, Kenma found, but he nodded. The demon’s eyes flicked upwards and met his own.</p><p>“Come on, we’re walking.” He pointed over his shoulder. “It’s this way.”</p><p>“Where are we going?”</p><p>“It’s a surprise! Oh, don’t worry, it’ll be fun. I promise!” he added at Kenma’s raised eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>They went to a cheap diner. It was tiny; three tables along a window front and a small counter where a bored looking girl with pastel pink lipstick and eye shadow took Kuroo’s order of fries and two sandwiches. Kenma didn’t miss the skeptical expression that she eyed the demon with.</p><p>“I know it doesn’t look like it, but I swear they make the best sandwiches in the entire town,” he whispered to Kenma as they walked over to the booth in the very back. “Just wait until you try yours.”</p><p>Kenma’s hands were wrapped around his drink so they wouldn’t shake as he listened to Kuroo. He wasn’t quite paying attention to his words; he simply watched as Kuroo laughed and the tattoos on his skin stretched with his movements. It wasn’t like he didn’t find the other’s stories interesting, but his mind was preoccupied with taking in the unfamiliar surroundings and analyzing Kuroo’s movements, because one could not be careful enough. Or at least that was what his anxiety was (successfully) trying to make Kenma believe.</p><p>“Ah, I suppose that’s enough about me. For now, at least; I’ve got to admit that I’m pretty damn fascinating.” With a sigh, Kuroo stretched his arms above his head. Kenma caught a glimpse of something tucked into his waistband as his jacket rode up, and came to the startling realization that it was a knife. “Tell me about yourself. How did you end up at Karasuno?” he said, noisily slurping his drink through the straw.</p><p>Perplexed, Kenma lifted his gaze off the spot where the knife was hidden beneath Kuroo’s clothes. The demon was staring at him intently, unblinking. Fortunately, the waitress saved him from having to open his mouth. The same bored expression on her face as before, she placed two sandwiches in front of them, as well as a plate with fries.</p><p>“Enjoy,” she said in the same tone as one might have said <em>There is dirt on your face</em>. Kuroo thanked her with a polite nod and a small smile. As soon as she’d turned around, he grabbed the sandwich with both hands and devoured it in very few bites. Kenma couldn’t help but stare at him. His sharp teeth glinted in the orange-hued light of the lamps overhead, and with the way his fingers were clutching the bread, his nails appeared claw-like. Unabashedly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Kuroo looked up at him. There was an amused gleam to his eyes as he gestured toward Kenma’s untouched dinner.</p><p>“What are you waiting for?”</p><p>Suppressing a sigh, Kenma took a bite. As it turned out, Kuroo hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d said this place made great sandwiches. When he told the demon, he grinned, exposing his teeth.</p><p>“I’m glad to hear that. But,” his expression turned stern, “You still haven’t answered my question from earlier. I expect a thrilling story with at least one manhunt and preferably a kidnapping. Although I think I can do without that as long as a motorcycle is involved.”</p><p>Kenma hid his smile behind a large bite. While he was chewing, Kuroo took to eating the fries, significantly slower than before.</p><p>“It isn’t a very interesting story,” Kenma said. “I was kicked out of my friend’s house when they found out I wasn’t…” He hesitated and made a vague gesture, but from the way the demon’s eyebrows knitted together Kenma could tell he understood. He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. “I wandered around for a while, and then I passed out. Sugawara found me.”</p><p>He half expected Kuroo to ask for more details, but no question came. Instead, the man just nodded and pushed the plate with the fries across the table. His grin had returned, and the wrinkles around his eyes had smoothed over.</p><p> “Take some. They’ll turn cold.”</p><p> </p><p>By the time the two stood in front of the café again, Kenma felt almost relaxed. He’d enjoyed spending the evening with Kuroo, although he could be a bit obnoxious at times.</p><p>“So?” the demon asked. “I hope you’ll forgive me for bleeding all over your counter.”</p><p>“It’s okay.” Unconsciously, Kenma let his bangs drop into his face again, focusing his gaze on a weed growing through a crack in the sidewalk. “It wasn’t too much trouble.”</p><p>“Great! I’m glad to hear that.” He could see how Kuroo shifted his weight to the other foot. “Next time I’m around I’ll drop by for a coffee.”</p><p>“Sure.” A gust of wind blew his hair into his eyes, so he had to blink to see.</p><p>And then, suddenly, Kuroo’s fingers were brushing his cheek, tugging his hair behind his ear. Kenma was too surprised to flinch. His hand was warm; he could still feel it radiating heat as it lingered in the air close to his skin for a fraction of a moment.</p><p>“I’ll see you soon, Kenma.”</p><p>Kuroo turned around, offering a wave over his shoulder, and marched off, down the sidewalk, his tail swaying behind him.</p><p>When a gust of wind made the hairs on Kenma’s arms stand up, he tore himself away from the quickly disappearing figure and stepped into the café. Sugawara had draped himself across a table, his head resting on his arms. It didn’t look like a comfortable position to be in and Kenma felt guilt well up inside him, remembering that he was the reason why Sugawara had stayed up here in the first place.</p><p>He gently touched his shoulder. “Sugawara? I’m back.”</p><p>The man groaned quietly before his eyes fluttered open.</p><p>“Kenma?” His voice was raspy. “What time’s it?”</p><p>He squinted at the clock. “Close to ten.”</p><p>Yawning, Sugawara pushed himself off the table. Opening one eye again to look at Kenma, he said, “Did you have fun?”</p><p>He nodded, a small smile on his lips.</p><p>“I told you, Kuroo isn’t scary at all. He’s a big softie.” With another yawn, half hidden behind a lazily raised hand, Sugawara pushed his chair under the table and started toward the basement door. “Where’d he take you?”</p><p>“A diner. Kuroo said they have the best sandwiches in town.”</p><p>Sugawara nodded knowingly. “They <em>do</em> make great sandwiches. Haven’t had one in a while though. I’ll ask Daichi if he wants to go out. The gods know it’s been <em>forever</em> since our last date.” He glanced at Kenma, smiling sheepishly. “Don’t tell him I said that.”</p><p>“I won’t,” he promised.</p><p> </p><p>A few days later, he was sitting in the communal living room. Shouyou had somehow dragged Kenma with him for the sixth night in a row to watch his favorite TV show. The first two times, he’d contemplated simply getting up and leaving, but to Kenma’s surprise, watching Shouyou was very entertaining.</p><p>He was completely immersed in the show running on the small TV. With every new scene, his face was wrapped in a different light, changing from soft blue to rose to fern green. A bowl with popcorn stood abandoned on the coffee table, half its contents spilled out around Shouyou. Kenma couldn’t help but smile at his friend.</p><p>A loud buzzing noise made him flinch. Raising an eyebrow, he watched as Shouyou scrambled to find his phone beneath the cushions, almost falling off the couch in his hurry.</p><p>Kenma had to squint as the phone screen lit up the room. He didn’t miss the small gasp escaping Shouyou, though, and the slight blush creeping onto his cheeks. <em>Kageyama</em>, he concluded. He hadn’t known the two for very long, but it was ridiculously obvious that Shouyou’s feelings for his partner were more than platonic. For a while, he’d assumed they were already dating, what with Shouyou referring to Kageyama as his partner and wearing the other’s sweaters. Shouyou had flushed bright red when he’d mentioned it, tripping over words as he tried to assure him that they were <em>work partners, Kenma! There’s no—no </em>way<em> I’d like that idiot. Don’t be—absurd! </em></p><p>Shouyou’s eyes widened as they flew over the message. It was hard to tell in the low light, but all blood seemed to drain from his face. Worry sunk into Kenma’s bones.</p><p>“What did he say?”</p><p>Shouyou quickly shoved the phone into the pocket of his hoodie. “Nothing important. A friend is going out.” He didn’t look at Kenma as he spoke. It was obvious that he was lying, but Kenma knew it wasn’t his place to ask. He cautiously placed his hand on Shouyou’s knee, squeezing it slightly.</p><p>The other boy inhaled sharply. “Hold my hand?” he whispered, still not looking. His hand trembled as he reached out to Kenma, so lightly that it was barely noticeable in the flickering light the TV cast over them.</p><p>Kenma didn’t know what to say, so he simply wrapped his fingers around Shouyou’s. He didn’t let go as Shouyou settled back into the cushions, or as they restarted the episode, or as Shouyou’s eyes fell closed, or as he drifted off into unconsciousness.</p><p> </p><p>“—up! Hinata!”</p><p>Kenma blinked. There was a weight on his shoulder, and something was tickling his cheek. He blinked again. Orange. <em>Shouyou</em>.</p><p>“Kenma, Hinata, you need to wake up!”</p><p>He shot up, and Shouyou’s head dropped from his shoulder onto his lap. The boy screeched as he was torn out of sleep.</p><p>“Hinata! It’s important, you need to come <em>right now</em>.” Only now Kenma registered that there was a person standing in front of them. It was the demon who’d brought him his bag. There was nothing left of the relaxed, self-confident expression he remembered; his eyes were wide and his jaw clenched.</p><p>“Tanaka?” mumbled Shouyou.</p><p>The demon’s tail twitched. “You need to get up. <em>Now</em>. Yamaguchi is—” He glanced at Kenma. “You need to talk to Daichi.”</p><p>He barely managed to lean away in time to avoid a collision of their heads as Shouyou leapt off the couch.</p><p>He sprinted out of the room without a word, leaving behind a very confused Kenma and Tanaka, who let out a relieved breath.</p><p>“He’s such a heavy sleeper…”</p><p>Kenma blinked again. His brain was still foggy with sleep and trying to comprehend what had just happened. What time was it even? Surely it was still in the middle of the night. What on earth could Sawamura possibly want from Shouyou that couldn’t wait until morning? And who was Yamaguchi?</p><p>Tanaka plopped down onto the couch and grabbed a handful of the leftover popcorn, munching happily on it as he turned on the TV. Kenma could just stare as he started switching through the channels and eventually settled on a talk show. A small box in the upper corner flashed the numbers 4:17.</p><p>“Oh, I really like this show! The host is so pretty!”</p><p>
  <em>Huh?</em>
</p><p>“…What’s going on?”</p><p>The demon took one look at him and laughed loudly. “Right, sorry. That was probably confusing. Don’t worry, though, everything’s under control! Hinata will be back soon, he just has to run an errand.”</p><p>Kenma raised an eyebrow. “At four in the morning?”</p><p>“Streets are empty now, so it won’t take him as long,” he said, shrugging, and reached inside his jacket to pull out a packet of cigarettes. Kenma watched in amazement as he lit it with a small flame sprouting from his fingertip and took a long drag before leaning his head back and exhaling the smoke. “Sorry for waking you up, by the way. You can go to bed if you want to. You <em>should</em> go to bed, actually. Get some more sleep. Suga isn’t working today.”</p><p>He’d forgotten about that. Shifts without Sugawara were exhausting because he couldn’t rely on the other to make small talk with their chattier customers. Reluctantly, he got off the couch. He still wanted a proper explanation for why Shouyou had to run an errand for Sawamura <em>now</em>, but  he needed all the rest he could get.</p><p>He’d ask again tomorrow. <em>Today</em>, he corrected himself as he padded down the corridor toward his bedroom. Only when he reached his bedroom door, Kenma realized that he hadn’t had a nightmare.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter was beta read by @paradoxicalpsychic on tumblr</p><p> </p><p>this story is part of the <a href="https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject">llf comment project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. this author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p><ul>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw: panic attack<br/>if you want to skip that part, stop reading at "His heart was beating too fast in his chest" and continue at "His body stopped trembling."</p><p> </p><p>this story is part of the <a href="https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject">llf comment project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. this author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p><ul>
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    <p>Kageyama was stabbing his chopsticks into the egg on top of his rice when Kenma entered the kitchen. His shoulders were hunched and he seemed to vibrate with pent up anger. For a moment, Kenma considered skipping breakfast and sneaking back to his room before he was noticed, but right when he wanted to turn around, Kageyama’s head snapped up. Blue eyes bore into Kenma’s like claws. He half expected the boy to growl, but he simply nodded stiffly.</p><p>“Kenma.”</p><p>“Morning?” he said, praying that his voice didn’t sound as shaky as his knees felt.</p><p>“You need to eat.” Shoving a small bowl of soup across the table, he gestured toward the empty seat across from him.</p><p>The tone in his voice allowed no resistance, so Kenma quietly slid onto the chair. Kageyama was staring at his breakfast with a look that screamed murder, and Kenma couldn’t help but try to make himself appear very small. A part of him hoped the ground would open up beneath him and swallow him; anything would be better than sitting at a table with an enraged vampire.</p><p>He felt Kageyama’s eyes on him as he pointedly focused on his breakfast, trying to hide behind his bangs. It had been a while since he’d felt unsafe in this kitchen, but knowing that the boy sitting centimeters away from him could rip out his throat any second made it hard to remember the warmth he always felt having breakfast with Shouyou or Sugawara.</p><p>His mind was jumping from image to image; <em>Kageyama lurching across the table to grab his throat; Kageyama slowly sinking his teeth into his neck; Kageyama licking blood off his fingertips; Kageyama—</em></p><p>The vampire let out a sigh and cleared his throat.</p><p>“I’m—I did not mean to intimidate you.”</p><p>Perplexed, he looked up. Kageyama’s jaw was clenched and the grip around his chopsticks was so firm that his knuckles appeared white. He opened his mouth once, twice, struggling to find the right words, before he blurted out, “I’m worried about Hinata.” He cringed, then bit down hard on his lower lip, as if he already regretted saying it.</p><p>Kenma tried to swallow his anxiety with the lump in his throat.</p><p>“He’ll be okay.” It came out more like a question and did absolutely nothing to reassure Kageyama.</p><p>He grunted and wordlessly shoved down his rice before grabbing the empty bowl and chopsticks and dropping them in the sink. Without a second glance at Kenma, he left the kitchen.</p><p>The tension he left behind was so thick that Kenma felt like he would suffocate.</p><p> </p><p>It was a quiet day. Not the kind of quiet where Kenma would watch people passing by the windows, lost in thoughts and daydreams. Where Sugawara would softly speak while watering the plants and made sure that every customer left the café with a smile on their lips and a hopeful twinkle in their eyes.</p><p>It was the kind of quiet where every noise made Kenma’s heart skip a beat and glance around the room, and the air bristled with fearful anticipation. Where Ennoshita stayed silent, his eyes unfocused as he stirred the pancake batter and his movements blurring together like a river overflowing and drowning the wildflowers along its banks.</p><p>There was nothing to distract him from his thoughts that kept going back to Shouyou. He still hadn’t returned and Kenma was worried. Last night he hadn’t thought of this, but Shouyou disappearing in the middle of the night for an errand and Kuroo showing up covered in blood after having been on some sort of mission sounded awfully similar. Perhaps the two instances were connected. Kuroo had failed to do whatever he’d been supposed to do, and now Sawamura wanted Shouyou to finish the job. Kenma prayed to the gods that he was safe.</p><p>He remembered all the meaningful looks Sawamura and Sugawara had shared over the past weeks, and how sometimes when he entered a room, everyone abruptly stopped talking or changed the topic. There was that corridor he still hadn’t entered, and the abnormal amount of hidden chambers and the fact that they needed an infirmary. It didn’t make sense to him. If it was truly just <em>a</em> <em>safe place for teenage monsters</em>, they wouldn’t need any of that.</p><p>They were hiding something and Kenma needed to know what. It had to be something dangerous or something illegal, otherwise they surely would’ve told him. Both were things Kenma didn’t particularly want to get involved in. If his mother knew what kind of people Kenma was surrounding himself with nowadays, she would turn in her grave – or rather wherever they had dumped her ashes, he thought grimly.</p><p> </p><p>Being left in the dark made Kenma’s fingers twitch and blood rise to his head, leaving him dizzy and feeling uncomfortably warm.</p><p>He tried to drown the thoughts by making Ennoshita a latte with caramel sauce.</p><p> </p><p>When soft rain started drumming on the window panes, the two girls who’d been sitting in a corner, chatting happily over a shared slice of cake and multiple cups of hot chocolate, put on their coats and disappeared after cheerful waves to Kenma, their hands clasped tightly between them.</p><p>Ennoshita hummed as he leaned against the counter next to Kenma. “Do you want to close up early? I don’t think anyone else will come. It’s almost six, anyway.”</p><p>They still had more than half an hour to go, but he didn’t say anything. Ennoshita picked up the empty dishes the girls had left while Kenma began to wipe down the counter. Cleaning after a day of worrying about nothing in particular brought him a sense of familiarity and stability. The movements were starting to feel like second nature, and only when Kenma closed the closet with the cleaning supplies, he realized that his mouth tasted like blood.</p><p>He brought a finger to his lips. It came away stained. Underneath the blood, he could see dirt under his fingernails. He didn’t remember biting his lips.</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama was sitting on the stairs with his back against one wall, twisting a knife between his fingers. He didn’t look up at Kenma who stood frozen at the top of the stairs. The anger he had radiated in the morning hadn’t faded.</p><p>“Kageyama?” Kenma asked cautiously.</p><p>He grunted, eyes fixated on the metal blade.</p><p>“Is something wrong?” He immediately regretted asking as the vampire’s head snapped toward him. His eyes were shining bright red. “I’m sorry, forget I asked. I didn’t mean to—”</p><p>Kageyama didn’t let him finish. “I don’t care. Just go downstairs. Hinata is in the infirmary.”</p><p>He didn’t need to be told twice. His entire body was shaking as he stepped over Kageyama’s legs, trying to keep as close to the wall as possible. He almost tripped over a glass standing two steps below the vampire, filled with what looked like molten gold in the yellow light.</p><p> </p><p>The infirmary was a bit like the nurse’s office at his high school. There were cabinets along three of the walls, some with glass doors behind which Kenma could see vials upon vials. A few were filled with liquids, others with herbs and roots and with what looked eerily like organs. Along the fourth wall were five beds, covered with sterile white sheets.</p><p>Shouyou was sitting on one of them, cross-legged and wearing a sweater that was too large for him.</p><p>He let out a relieved sigh. Shouyou was okay. He was safe.</p><p>The view of the next bed was blocked by a blonde boy’s broad shoulders, only the blanket-covered legs of a person were visible. On the other side of the bed, a young woman was leaning over them. Her arms were stretched out, but Kenma couldn’t see what she was doing.</p><p>Shouyou noticed him first. He leaned forward onto his hands, almost falling off the bed and beaming at Kenma. There was a band-aid on his left cheek, and another wrapped around his index finger.</p><p>“Kenma!” he shouted, his usual energetic self. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>The blonde boy whirled around. He was frowning, annoyed at the sudden noise. Pushing his glasses up with a finger, he looked Kenma up and down. It made the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck stand up, and his skin tingled where the boy’s gaze wandered over it. Somehow, he reminded Kenma of Kageyama. Then he noticed the pointy ears. <em>Another vampire</em>.</p><p>“Who are you?” he said in a tone that made Kenma feel like he was something disgusting sticking to the bottom of the boy’s shoe.</p><p>He didn’t get a chance to answer.</p><p>“That’s Kenma! He’s been here for two weeks; I can’t believe you haven’t met him yet! We have breakfast together every day, and he works with Suga and makes really good coffee! Although I don’t get to drink much of it, because of stupid Kageyama.” He scowled. “But yeah, he’s awesome and—!”</p><p>“Hinata. Shut up. He can speak for himself.”</p><p>The blood that had crept into Kenma’s cheeks while listening to Shouyou immediately drained from his face. Hesitantly, he raised a hand. “Hello,” he said lamely, “I’m Kenma.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you,” interjected the woman before the blond boy could open his mouth, walking around the bed. She nodded at him curtly. “I’m Shimizu Kiyoko.” Giving the vampire a cool look, she continued, “Introduce yourself properly.”</p><p>He scoffed. “Tsukishima.”</p><p>“Don’t mind him. He’s being rude because he’s worried about Yamaguchi.” Shouyou pointed at the bed.</p><p>“Is he alright?” Kenma asked.</p><p>Shimizu nodded. “He’ll be fine. He took a few heavy blows to the ribs and skull, and some superficial wounds, but it’s nothing I couldn’t heal. Now he just needs some rest. And quiet,” she said to Shouyou.</p><p>He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. “Ah, I guess we should leave, then.” He jumped off the bed. Stretching, he walked toward the door, and grabbed Kenma’s arm to drag him along. “See you later!” he yelled over his shoulder.</p><p>“Have you seen Kageyama?” he asked as they walked down the corridor, still holding onto Kenma.</p><p>He nodded. “He wasn’t happy when he heard you were gone.”</p><p>Shouyou’s hand tensed. “Oh, is that so?” he said lightly, trying to hide the quiver in his voice. “Well, he was probably just jealous because <em>I</em> got to go out and he didn’t! Ha! Serves him right.”</p><p>They walked quietly for a while. Kenma didn’t know where they were going, and he found he didn’t particularly care. He was glad that Shouyou was back, but couldn’t shake the anxious feeling from before because he still didn’t know where he’d been in the first place. It didn’t seem like he wanted to talk about it, though. Kenma didn’t blame him.</p><p>When they turned around the same corner for the second time, it dawned on Kenma that Shouyou didn’t know where they were going, either. Maybe he just needed to walk for a while to get rid of his excess energy. Kenma wasn’t someone who moved around much, but there had to be a reason why his friend had wanted him to come along. And he didn’t mind the company, either.</p><p> </p><p>They found Kageyama in the kitchen later that evening. Despite his angry glares, Kenma thought he could sense a hint of relief in his expression.</p><p>After dinner, Shouyou and Kageyama disappeared quickly because Shouyou’s TV show was on, and Sawamura announced he would go to bed early today. He kissed Sugawara’s cheekbone, making him blush, and wished Kenma a good night.</p><p>It was Sugawara’s turn to do the dishes, and Kenma kept him company as Sugawara usually did the same for him. He was sitting on one of the chairs, his legs pulled up to his chest and his chin resting atop his knees. For the past few minutes he’d been toying with the idea of asking Sugawara what Shouyou had been up to last night, but he couldn’t even decide how to bring the topic up. The chances of him getting answers were slim, anyway. He just had to be patient, they would talk to him… eventually.</p><p>His heart was beating too fast in his chest and he could feel his palms growing wet with sweat. He let out a frustrated noise. This was not the time or place to get anxious.</p><p>“Is something the matter?” Sugawara asked immediately, placing the bowl he’d been washing on the dish rack. He turned around to face Kenma, leaning his back against the counter.</p><p>“No, it’s nothing.”</p><p>He lifted his eyebrows. “Are you sure? You know you can talk to me.”</p><p>Kenma’s fingernails dug into his legs as he tensed up. He didn’t like the way Sugawara was looking at him, with his piercing eyes that seemed to dig into Kenma’s skull; blood was rushing in his ears and he felt so hot in his sweater and the air in the room was too thin for him to breathe and—</p><p>“Kenma?”</p><p>He didn’t notice that he was shaking until Sugawara’s fingers wrapped around his own, steadying them. Worried hazel eyes looked up into Kenma’s. <em>Don’t look at me</em>, he wanted to scream.</p><p>“Kenma, focus on me. You’re safe. I don’t really understand what is happening right now, but I’m here for you.”</p><p>His vision blurred as tears welled up in his eyes. He didn’t want to cry, not now, there was no reason to cry, why was he crying—</p><p>“You’re going to be okay. I’m here for you. Can you speak? If not, that’s okay.”</p><p>He wanted to speak. He wanted to say <em>I’m okay</em>,<em> Nothing’s wrong</em>,<em> Please don’t worry</em>,<em> I’m sorry</em> but he choked on his words and was there blood in his mouth—?</p><p>“Kenma, please. Look at me. You’re safe. Can you hear me? Can you squeeze my hands?”</p><p>Could he squeeze his hands? His fingers felt numb and weird, as if they weren’t really his own. He tried.</p><p>“That’s good, Kenma. You’re doing great.”</p><p>He wanted to laugh. <em>Yeah, I’m doing terrific. Everything’s great.</em> He choked on his tears.</p><p>“Is there something I can do to help? You don’t need to answer, just squeeze my hands. Would you like some water? Do you want me to distract you? Do you need to be alone? Do you want me to let go of your hands? Can I give you a hug—would you like that? Okay. You need to let go of my hands, then.”</p><p>Arms wrapped around him. He could smell pine trees and there was smooth fabric pressing against his neck and his cheek. He realized that his eyes were shut.</p><p>“You’re okay, Kenma. I’m here for you. You’re safe.”</p><p>Tears kept running over his face, staining Sugawara’s shirt. He was dizzy, everything was spinning, he was going to fall—</p><p>“I’ve got you. I’ll be here for you until you’ve calmed down, even if it takes all night.”</p><p>Sugawara was going to lose sleep because of him, he’d be so tired tomorrow, and it was all his fault—</p><p>“Kenma,” he whispered. “Please. I promise you will be okay. Can you try something for me?”</p><p>He tried to nod. He tried to make a sound. It came out as a choked sob.</p><p>“Thank you. Just try this for me, and it’s okay if it doesn’t work. Can you try to hold your breath, Kenma? I promise it will be okay. Nothing will happen to you. It will just prevent you from hyperventilating. Can you do that for me?”</p><p>He didn’t want to hold his breath, he wouldn’t be able to breathe, he was already struggling to breathe, and there was something in his mouth, why was there something in his mouth, he was going to choke on it, he was going to suffocate—</p><p>“Kenma. Please, just try. I promise you will be okay. Can you trust me?”</p><p>Could he trust him? <em>No</em>, the voice in his mind screamed. But he wanted to. He just had to hold his breath for a few seconds. He could do that. His fingers were twitching, his head was yelling at him that he needed air, he needed to breathe—and then it stopped screaming, and Kenma gasped for air.</p><p>“You’re doing great. I’m so proud of you for trying that. See, your breathing is coming more even. Try to focus on that, okay? Slow breaths. In and out. In and out. Just like that. In and out. Everything will be alright.”</p><p>His body stopped trembling. His fingers were still numb and his head was still spinning and there was still something in his mouth, but his breathing felt steadier. Cautiously, he took a deep breath. He was okay. He was safe. He exhaled. Safe. His tongue ran over the thing in his cheek. It felt soft and thin, paper-like. Sugawara’s hand rubbed over his back.</p><p>“Everything will be alright.”</p><p>He kept repeating the words inside his head. He was okay. He was safe. Everything would be alright. The tears stopped flowing. He sniffled. He needed to get a tissue. Weakly, he pressed his hands against Sugawara’s chest and lifted his head. For a moment, his voice was too hoarse for him to make any sound. “Tissue,” he croaked.</p><p>Sugawara got up quickly. “Just a second,” he said. Opening a drawer, he grabbed a plastic packet and pulled out a paper tissue before handing it over. “Here you go. Are you feeling better?”</p><p>Kenma nodded stiffly, and turned away to wipe the streaks left by his tears off his face before spitting the weird thing into the tissue. <em>A yellow petal. </em>He blew his nose. Crimson stained the white paper as he crumbled it in his palm. His fingers were bleeding, and there was dirt under his nails.</p><p>“See, it’s all better—” Sugawara inhaled sharply. “Kenma, you’re bleeding. Let me see your hands.”</p><p>Before he could hide them inside his sleeves, Sugawara’s hands had wrapped themselves around Kenma’s. Gently, he lifted them to take a closer look at the wounds. He hummed quietly. “As I thought.” But whatever Sugawara was thinking he didn’t explain to Kenma. He simply dropped his hands back into his lap and threw away the bloodied tissue.</p><p>Kenma couldn’t look at him. He hadn’t meant for anyone to see him like that, ever. Usually, he had his anxiety under control. He didn’t get panic attacks, at least not while someone else was watching.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you worry.”</p><p>“Nonsense.” Sugawara waved his hand through the air, giving him a wide smile. It looked genuine. “I told you, I’m here for you. I just want to help.”</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>Sugawara leaned over to squeeze his shoulder. “You know I’ll be here for you whenever you need me, right?”</p><p>He nodded. He couldn’t put his finger on what exactly made Sugawara seem trustworthy, he just <em>knew</em> that he was. Kenma pointed at the dishes that lay forgotten in the sink. “The water is probably cold by now. I’m sorry.”</p><p>His eyes widened. “I completely forgot about that. Alright, how about this—I finish washing the dishes and you can dry them. I know you probably feel guilty about having a panic attack”—Kenma had to look away because that was <em>exactly </em>what he’d been thinking—“So that way, you can make up for it, alright? You do me that favor and we’re even.”</p><p>“Okay,” he said.</p><p> </p><p>It was half past ten when Sawamura entered the kitchen, clad in a muscle t-shirt and patterned pajama pants. His eyes were half-closed, and he had to stifle a yawn.</p><p>“Why are you still up?” he asked Sugawara. “I fell asleep waiting for you.”</p><p>“I’m sorry. I had to help Kenma, he was—” He shot Kenma a look, asking if it was okay to tell Sawamura. He nodded. “He was having a panic attack.”</p><p>Sawamura straightened up. Worry was written all over his face as he turned to Kenma, who clutched the towel in his hands tighter. “Are you okay?” he asked. “May I ask what caused it? If it was triggered by a specific circumstance, we might be able to avoid situations like this in the future.”</p><p>He wasn’t sure what to tell him. <em>He</em> didn’t even know what had caused the panic attack. Admittedly, he had a vague idea of things that might have contributed to it, but he could be mistaken.</p><p>There was the fact that Shouyou had disappeared for an entire day. The memory of Kuroo bleeding out in front of him that was still engrained in his brain. The anxiety that came from not knowing if he was actually safe here and what was going on behind his back. The nightmares that kept coming back every night. The way Sugawara had stared at him earlier.</p><p>“…Maybe,” he settled on.</p><p>Sawamura frowned. “Please try to explain.”</p><p>Perhaps it was because Kenma was tired, <em>exhausted</em> from the day and the panic attack, or perhaps he just didn’t care anymore, but somehow it all came spilling out of him. Once he started speaking, the words just kept coming, an unstoppable flood of emotions and fears that his heart had been overflowing with.</p><p>Sawamura listened, not saying anything even when Kenma gasped for air because he’d forgotten to breathe or when his eyes filled with tears again or he had to ask Sugawara for another tissue.</p><p>For a moment, no one said anything after Kenma ended. Sawamura and Sugawara exchanged a glance that felt heavy with the weight of countless conversations that Kenma hadn’t been a part of.</p><p>Sawamura rose from his chair and crossed the kitchen, taking a bottle and a small glass out of a cabinet and setting them down on the counter. He silently unscrewed the cap and poured a generous amount into the glass before returning to the table.</p><p>“I suppose we owe you an explanation,” he said finally.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>as always, this chapter was beta read by @paradoxicalpsychic on tumblr :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Daichi was ten when he met Suga. His pack had left without him and he didn’t have anywhere to go, so he did the only thing that made sense to him: He stayed where he was, half-hidden between a dumpster and cardboard boxes that had been stacked against the wall. They would soon notice that he was missing. He just had to be patient, and they would come back for him. He noticed that he was shivering in his jacket. Normally, he wouldn’t have minded the cold, his pack was always there to huddle for warmth. But he was alone now, so he simply curled up on the ground.</p><p>He smelled Suga before he saw him. It was a strange, unfamiliar sensation, pine trees and rain-soaked soil and sweat. He winced when the lid of the dumpster smashed against the wall above him.</p><p>“Who’s there?”</p><p>Daichi might have been scared, but he was too proud to let it show. Scrambling to his feet, he walked around the boxes, attempting to wipe mud from his cheek but smearing it across his nose.</p><p>There was a boy standing in front of him, probably his own age; his height (or rather lack thereof) made it hard to tell. He had green hair and the most beautiful eyes Daichi had ever seen.</p><p>“I’m Daichi,” he said. “Who’re you?”</p><p>The boy eyed him for a moment.</p><p>“Suga,” he said eventually. Then he pointed at the dumpster. “This is my dumpster. You’ll have to find your own.”</p><p>Confused, he tilted his head. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“I mean, you need to find another place to stay. This. Belongs. To me.” Suga cracked his knuckles to accentuate each of his last words.</p><p>“I don’t want to stay here,” he explained. “But my pack will come back for me soon, so I can’t go anywhere else.”</p><p>Understanding lit up his eyes. He took a step toward Daichi. “They’re not coming back. They’ve abandoned you.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but laugh. No, they would never abandon him. They were his family. “You’re stupid,” he told the boy. “That could never happen.”</p><p>Suga raised an eyebrow, ignoring the insult. “You don’t believe me?”</p><p>“No, of course not.”</p><p>“Fine,” he said, pouting. “I’ll wait here with you until it’s dark. And if they don’t show up, you’ll admit that I was right and leave me alone, okay?”</p><p>Daichi knew they were going to come back for him, so there was no reason to decline the offer. He nodded.</p><p> </p><p>They didn’t come back.</p><p> </p><p>“So, that’s it. Time to leave.”</p><p>Daichi winced. He was <em>alone</em>. They had really left him. He had lost his family and his home. What was the point of living if he didn’t have a pack?</p><p>Suga poked him. “Come on. I’m tired and I want to sleep, so you need to go. Oh, don’t look at me like that. Seriously, your big puppy eyes won’t do anything.”</p><p>“Just one night? Please. I don’t know where to go.”</p><p>He shook his head. “That’s not my problem. There’s only enough space for one person here, anyway. So you couldn’t stay even if I wanted you to.”</p><p>“I won’t take up any space at all, I promise!” He was begging at this point, and it was embarrassing, but Daichi couldn’t have cared less. It would be impossible to find another place to stay now that it was dark. That was the only reason why he didn’t want to leave Suga’s side. He wasn’t scared of being alone. No, not at all. Just because he’d never spent a night without his pack didn’t mean he was <em>scared</em> of it.</p><p>Suga sighed. “I swear to the gods, if you get both of us killed, I will drag you back into this world just so I can kill you again.”</p><p>Relief flooded through his veins as he threw his arms around the other boy. “Thank you!”</p><p>“Get off me! And don’t yell.” Suga tried to push his arms away, but Daichi was stronger. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he muttered, “I already regret this.”</p><p> </p><p>Suga curled up in one corner and ordered Daichi to stay in the other. It was freezing now, and Daichi couldn’t stop shivering. His teeth were clacking.</p><p>“Come here.” Suga’s voice was scratchy from sleep as he patted the ground next to him.</p><p>Daichi almost fell over his own feet trying to get to him. Even though he was significantly bigger than the other boy, he curled up against his chest. Warmth spread throughout his entire body. A small, pleased noise escaped him, making Suga snort.</p><p>“You’re such a dork. You’ll never survive on your own.” But he draped his arm over Daichi.</p><p>At least for tonight, he didn’t have to worry about surviving, he thought. He wasn’t alone.</p><p> </p><p>Daichi didn’t know why Suga had changed his mind, but he didn’t make him leave the next morning, or the next, or the one after that.</p><p> </p><p>Living on the streets <em>sucked</em>. It was awful; there wasn’t a single good thing about it. Daichi didn’t know why they romanticized it so much in stories. Stealing wasn’t fun, and neither was running for his life or diving into dumpsters to hide from older teenagers or learning how to patch his clothes or how to dodge when someone pulled a knife on him.</p><p>Without Suga he probably would’ve died on his first day. He didn’t know why the other boy even tolerated his presence; he caused much more trouble than he could’ve been worth. But he wasn’t about to complain when Suga was the only good thing he had left in life.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow, he made it through an entire year. He didn’t remember when Suga had become <em>Koushi</em>, but they were friends now, best friends, he thought. He had learned how to defend himself and how to pickpocket and a plethora of other useful skills. If the only reason why Koushi hadn’t left him yet was pity, he didn’t see why the other would want to stick around anymore. But when Daichi asked why Koushi didn’t simply leave, he smacked him upside the head and yelled that he shouldn’t be so stupid. Daichi didn’t ask again.</p><p> </p><p>They were good at keeping each other safe. They knew how to avoid the gangs that disappeared as fast as they came, they knew which streets to stay away from and they knew who was safe to trust because they weren’t involved with any gang. Until they didn’t anymore.</p><p>Rumors were spreading that some of the gangs were gaining new members quickly, attracting young monsters with the promise of freedom and drugs and violence against humans. Koushi and Daichi were smart enough not to fall for their lies, but most of the people they’d come to know were not.</p><p>It was only a matter of time before they were going to get caught up in something ugly.</p><p>Usually, they were so good at staying out of trouble. They stayed hidden, only took what they needed to get by, didn’t interact much with anyone else. So of course, the one time Daichi decided to help a stranger, it was a disaster.</p><p>Daichi spotted the boy immediately. He was cowering in a corner, rocking back and forth with tears running down his face. It reminded him painfully of when he’d been left by his pack, so there was just <em>no way</em> that he could leave the boy out here by himself. If Koushi hadn’t saved him, he would’ve died.</p><p>If Daichi didn’t save this boy, he would die.</p><p>The boy didn’t see him coming, so Daichi slowly kneeled down in front of him and cleared his throat.</p><p>He flinched so hard that his head almost hit the wall. When he looked at Daichi, his reddened eyes were wide with terror. “Please don’t hurt me.” His voice came out as merely a whisper.</p><p>“Don’t worry. I won’t.” Daichi held out his hand. “Come on.” The boy didn’t move. He didn’t blame him. “I understand that you’re scared. But I just want to help you. Let me take you somewhere safe.”</p><p>After a moment of consideration, the boy grabbed his hand and let Daichi pull him to his feet. He was shaking.</p><p> </p><p>“Where are you taking me?” the boy – Azumane Asahi was his name, he’d learned - asked as he followed Daichi through the maze of alleys. “And what about the guys who were chasing me? Did you fight them off?”</p><p>Daichi froze. Slowly, he turned back to the boy. “There were people chasing you?”</p><p>He nodded. “That’s why I was hiding.”</p><p>That had hardly been hiding, Daichi thought, but he didn’t comment on it. There were more pressing matters. If someone was after Azumane, helping him out was most likely not the best idea. The right decision, the one that would keep him and Koushi safe, was to leave the boy right here in this alley and to run as fast as he could. He didn’t want to get involved in this. He didn’t even want to find out what <em>this </em>was.</p><p>And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He just couldn’t. Azumane was just a scared kid.</p><p>Instead, he asked, “Who was after you?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I just wanted to sit down, and suddenly a group of guys came up to me and said that it was their territory and shifters weren’t allowed there and I better run. I tried to explain that I didn’t know and then—“ His voice was shaking too hard for him to continue, and he had to take a deep breath. “And then one of them said, ‘Why don’t we play a little game. You get half a minute to run as fast as you can and then we’ll come after you, and when we find you, we’ll kill you.’ So, I ran.”</p><p>Daichi almost shook his head in disbelief. He had heard the rumors that a few gangs were starting to seclude themselves and didn’t allow other kinds in their territories, but he didn’t want to believe it. Wasn’t it bad enough that most humans wanted them dead? Monsters should not turn against monsters.</p><p>But there was no time to contemplate things like this. If these people were still actively searching for Azumane, they couldn’t risk staying in one place too long. Unlike Azumane, he might have known how to fight, but even Daichi was not naïve enough to believe that he stood any chance against a group, especially not when he had to defend another person. They had to get out of here.</p><p>“Is… Is something wrong?”</p><p>Daichi snorted. It was a sad kind of laugh. “You could say that. How fast can you run?”</p><p>“I-I’m not sure.”</p><p>“Well, I suggest we find out. Try to keep up.”</p><p> </p><p>They didn’t get very far.</p><p> </p><p>When they sprinted around a corner and Daichi’s eyes were met by a pair of bloodred ones, he knew he had made a terrible mistake. They seemed to set his soul aflame, burning into the very core of his being.</p><p>The scene was almost tragically beautiful. Three demons were standing in the alley, momentarily stunned by their sudden appearance. The knives in their hands were glistening orange and pink in the light of the setting sun, their eyes shining bright in the half-shadow between the houses.</p><p><em>At least they don’t have guns</em>, flashed through his mind.</p><p>With a terrifying scream, the demon closest to Daichi lunged at him. He barely managed to dodge in time. With a trained motion he pulled his own knife from his pocket, the one Koushi had gotten him for his birthday, flipping it open. He took a swing at the demon, aiming at his dominant arm – missing by an inch.</p><p>From the corner of his eye, he could see that the other demons were attacking Azumane, but he was too occupied with trying not to get stabbed himself to do anything about it.</p><p>The demon’s eyes flashed as he tried to plunge his knife into Daichi’s chest. He tried to block him with his arm but his aim was off; a disgusting screech made the hairs on his arms stand as the blades crashed into each other. Daichi didn’t manage to fix his stance before the demon leapt at him again. He felt his left foot slipping on the uneven ground, and immediately knew it was over. Once his back hit the ground, he was done for.</p><p>He closed his eyes as he fell, waiting for his inevitable death.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t come.</p><p>Instead, something wet splattered over his face and the smell of rust filled his nose. <em>Blood</em>. Hesitantly, he cracked one eye open. The liquid caught in his eyelashes ran into his eyes, blurring his vision. Cursing, he rubbed at them.</p><p>For a second, he thought the demon was staring back at him. Then, the red faded from the eyes, and the color shifted to dark brown. <em>Vampire</em>.</p><p>A boy was leaning over Daichi, offering him his blood-stained hand. “You’re welcome,” he said. His voice was so flat that it sent shivers down Daichi’s spine. Slowly, he turned his head. The demon who had attacked him was lying on the ground, motionless. A hole gaped where his heart had been beating in his chest mere seconds ago.</p><p>When he didn’t react, the boy grabbed his hand and hoisted him to his feet, so roughly that his fingernails broke through Daichi’s skin. “I believe the appropriate response would be <em>Thank you for saving my life</em>,” he said, flashing him a grin that was all teeth and no smile.</p><p>Daichi was still too overwhelmed to speak, he could just stare. He had seen his fair share of violence, of death, but ripping someone’s heart out seemed unnecessarily cruel. What kind of person was capable of such things? To make matters worse, the boy didn’t look bothered at all. He looked horrifyingly calm, satisfied even.</p><p>A sudden pain made Daichi snap out of his thoughts. The vampire’s fingernails were pressing harder into his skin, drawing blood. “Thank you,” he choked out.</p><p>The boy’s lips curled into a sharp-toothed smile. Daichi prayed that the fading daylight was the reason why his fangs didn’t look quite white. “Well done. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” he said, still clutching Daichi’s hand.</p><p>He quickly shook his head. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Azumane and another boy kneeling next to him, stroking his hair soothingly. The other two demons’ bodies were lying next to them, propped up against the brick wall.</p><p>“You didn’t have to kill them.”</p><p>The vampire raised an eyebrow. “You’re telling me you would’ve rather been ripped to shreds?”</p><p>“There was no reason for them to <em>die</em>.”</p><p>“There was no reason to let them live,” he retorted. “Trust me, they won’t be missed by anyone. They should have known better than trying to hunt someone down in someone else’s territory.”</p><p>Daichi was sure that if Koushi had been here, he would have told him that <em>This is why we stay the hell away from gangs.</em> He tried to take back his hand, but the vampire’s grip didn’t loosen. Irritated, he clicked his tongue. The other boy just looked at him expectantly. “Thank you”, Daichi tried. “For saving us.”</p><p>With a smile, he let go. “You owe us, naturally. Don’t worry, though, we’ll definitely find a way for you to pay us back.” His eyes were gleaming dangerously.</p><p>Daichi didn’t know if it was a threat or a promise. Both, perhaps. Whatever the vampire was planning, it sounded like it wouldn’t end well for Daichi. He had to suppress a groan as he tried to imagine explaining all this to Koushi. He was going to <em>kill</em> him.</p><p>“Naturally,” Daichi echoed.</p><p>“Don’t look so unhappy. Has no one ever told you that you look prettier when you smile?”</p><p>His entire body tensed up. No one had ever told Daichi that he looked pretty, <em>period.</em>  He was an almost fully grown werewolf; there was nothing pretty about him. He growled, flashing his teeth.</p><p>“Looks like I’ve hit a nerve. Well then, it was a pleasure meeting you…” He trailed off, a questioning look on his face. It took Daichi a moment to realize that he was waiting for his name.</p><p>“Sawamura Daichi,” he said begrudgingly.</p><p>“Daichi,” the vampire repeated slowly, as if he wanted to taste the name on his tongue.</p><p>“Aren’t you supposed to introduce yourself, too?”</p><p>“My apologies. Kurokawa Hiroki.” He turned to Azumane and the other boy. “Tashiro. It’s time to go. See you soon, Daichi.”</p><p>He just stared after them as they walked away, unable to tear his eyes away from the Sakanoshita patch stitched onto the back of Kurokawa’s leather jacket.</p><p> </p><p>Koushi was anything but pleased when Daichi returned with Azumane in tow and when Daichi explained what had happened, he seemed to contemplate killing both of them right on the spot. But just like he had quickly grown attached to Daichi, it didn’t take long before the shapeshifter was an integral part of their family. Azumane had a bad habit of tripping over his own feet (both figuratively and literally), so it was only natural that Koushi took him under his wing. He might have been too proud to admit it, but he liked taking care of others.</p><p> </p><p>The day that Daichi had to settle his debts came sooner than he would’ve liked – a part of him had naïvely hoped it would never come at all. Kurokawa didn’t bother to explain anything when he showed up one morning and dragged Daichi out of his slumber. The last stars were still fading as the sky turned dark blue. They were going to raid a rival gang’s hideout, he told Daichi as they ran through the alleys, their footsteps echoing behind them.</p><p>When Daichi returned several hours later, drenched in blood and various other substances, he barely managed to peel off his clothes before collapsing in Koushi’s arms. He prayed to the gods that he would never have to do anything like this again. At least he could forget that Kurokawa had ever existed, now, he thought before he passed out.</p><p> </p><p>As it turned out, he was mistaken.</p><p> </p><p>It was the middle of October when they lost the dirty shack they had built from cardboard and wooden planks and pieces of corrugated metal and whatever else they could get their hands on. There hadn’t even been much of a fight; the three of them couldn’t do anything against a dozen shifters and vampires.</p><p>Koushi didn’t cry, but from the way his lips trembled and his eyes were glazed over Daichi could tell that he wanted to. They had lost their home and with it the only source of comfort and hope they had. All three of them knew that they would never find another place like this. Over the past months, every inch of the city had been claimed by one gang or another. It had been pure luck that the gang who claimed the territory didn’t care about them – so long as they didn’t cause any problems, and they never had.</p><p>They were sitting on the lid of a dumpster as they stared up into the sky. Koushi’s weight rested comfortably against Daichi’s chest and their fingers lay on his leg, laced together tightly. There were a million stars above them, sparkling brighter than Daichi had ever seen them. The cruel gods were mocking them.</p><p> “There is one place we could go,” Asahi said softly into the silence.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Come on, Daichi. They already saved us once. They’ll do it again.”</p><p>His fingers tensed around Koushi’s. The boy hissed at the sudden pain, and Daichi forced himself to relax.</p><p>“You weren’t the one who had to pay the price for our lives. I’d rather not do it again.”</p><p>“We can’t trust them,” Koushi said. “We can’t trust <em>anyone</em>.”</p><p>Asahi looked at Daichi. There was little left of the insecurity and credulity in his eyes that Daichi remembered from when they had first met. “We don’t have to trust them. But it’s the best option we have. Do you want to sleep behind dumpsters again? Things have changed, it’s more dangerous than back then. The chances of us getting killed for staying in the wrong place have never been higher. We might have been lucky so far, but that’s not going to hold.”</p><p>Daichi didn’t admit that he was right. He didn’t have to, they all knew.</p><p> </p><p>The air in the club was stuffy and the music droned in Daichi’s ears as he wound his way through the drunk men slumping in their chairs and the waiters rushing through the room, balancing trays with drinks. He tried not to look at the dancers.</p><p>Kurokawa lay sprawled out over a scuffed leather couch. He greeted them with a mocking smile and a two-fingered salute. “Daichi! It’s been a while. I see you’ve brought your pack?”</p><p>He growled, promptly earning himself a reprimanding glare from Koushi. <em>At least </em>try<em> to be polite</em>, it seemed to say. Daichi cleared his throat. “It’s good to see you, Kurokawa.”</p><p>“Likewise! What brings you here? I doubt that you’re just stopping by to say hello, although I’d be delighted if that was the case.” He twirled the glass held loosely in his hand, making the brown liquid slosh around.</p><p>“I need to ask for a favor.”</p><p>Kurokawa sat up straight. “I’m all ears.”</p><p> </p><p>As much as Daichi hated even the <em>idea</em> of gangs, he had to admit that it made some parts of life easier. He slept in a proper bed (that he shared with Koushi), didn’t have to worry about when and how he would get his next meal, and had a dozen people who had his back (even if he didn’t trust them fully). And most importantly, he knew that Koushi and Asahi were safe.</p><p>While Koushi might have been good at defending himself, he wasn’t particularly strong and so not considered to be useful. Asahi still hadn’t learned how to shift at will, and although he was tall for his age, he was still barely a teenager. Even Ukai, the leader of Sakanoshita, wasn’t cruel enough to force him into anything <em>too</em> dangerous.</p><p>Of course, keeping Koushi and Asahi safe came at a price. Daichi knew that he got lucky with an easy job, but selling drugs to kids his own age made him feel sick to his bones. Still, he would have done <em>much</em> worse things to protect his family.</p><p> </p><p>In retrospect, he realized that things had been going too smoothly for too long. When Ukai as well as three dozen of Sakanoshita’s members were killed, they were forced to give up most of their territory. Most of the remaining members were quick to join other gangs. Daichi didn’t even consider it. They still had one safehouse left, a shabby café on a moderately frequented street that hadn’t been open in years.</p><p>There were only six of them, so they didn’t see a point in trying to uphold their status as a gang. So, they re-opened the café. None of them actually knew how to make coffee or an edible meal, but after Yaku called in a few favors and they devoted weeks to learning how to operate the machines and creating a menu, Karasuno was opened.</p><p>Koushi had never looked happier than when he chatted with customers, and Tenma enjoyed the attention he got working the counter. Asahi and Kurokawa stayed in the back after they had repeatedly scared off customers with their rather tough appearance, Tashiro made use of his excess energy as a waiter and Daichi took care of the finances and paperwork. It was boring but necessary, and Daichi was good at it. At least better than he was at selling drugs, he sometimes thought to himself.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, the violence on the streets didn’t stop. Even if they weren’t directly involved in it anymore, it was hard to ignore the screams and shots that sometimes echoed through the night. From time to time, they would open the backdoor to take out the trash and find a kid lying on their doorstep, bleeding and begging for help. Koushi took each and every one of them in and nursed them back to health with the devotion of a mother.</p><p>Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore.</p><p>They were lying in bed, Koushi’s head resting on Daichi’s chest and his arm wrapped around his middle. Daichi was staring at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come to him as he listened to Koushi’s soft, steady breathing.</p><p>“Daichi,” he whispered.</p><p>“Hm? I thought you were asleep.”</p><p>“No.” He sighed. “Just thinking.”</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>Koushi didn’t reply immediately, and for a moment Daichi thought he had fallen asleep.</p><p>“I can’t stand it. They’re all just children. They shouldn’t have to do any of that.” He didn’t have to explain what he meant, Daichi understood. He moved his head so he could look at his partner. “I need to do something. <em>We</em> need to do something.”</p><p>“Koushi, what are you talking about? You’re already helping them. You tend to their wounds, feed them, give them a place to stay until they’re better. What else could you possibly do for them?”</p><p>He remained silent. Slowly, he moved his hand to rest against the crook of Daichi’s neck. “I think we need to tackle the problem at the root.”</p><p>“I don’t understand,” Daichi said, even though he did.</p><p>“If we took back the territory… We could make sure that no one gets hurt anymore.”</p><p>Closing his eyes, he exhaled. “Koushi…”</p><p>“I know you’re glad that it’s all over now; we all are. But I can’t just stand there and watch. Remember when we were younger? I don’t want anyone else to go through these things.”</p><p>“I don’t want that either. But things are finally good. I have you, and we have the café, and the others are finally happy. We’re all safe. I don’t want to spend every day worrying about you anymore, praying that I’ll see you again. I couldn’t live without you.”</p><p>Koushi pressed a kiss against the soft skin beneath his jaw. “I’m not going anywhere, Daichi. You’re stuck with me forever.”</p><p>He wrapped his arms around Koushi. “Good. I’m not going anywhere, either.”</p><p>Daichi felt himself drifting off to sleep, as Koushi’s voice broke through the silence. “So, are we going to do it?”</p><p>“If you can convince the others to help. We can’t do anything if there’s just the two of us.”</p><p>Koushi breathed another kiss against his neck. “Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Daichi hated calling in favors. Most of the teenagers Koushi had helped were eager to repay them, but it made him feel like the ruthless gangs they were trying to go against. <em>I don’t think we have a choice</em>, Koushi said when he told him. Daichi knew that he was right, but desperately wished that he wasn’t.</p><p>As time passed, it got easier. He had a neighborhood to protect now, people to take care of who thanked him for making the streets safe again. It didn’t matter anymore if he wanted to do this. No one else was going to carry this burden for him.</p><p>Karasuno quickly gained the reputation that they were as peaceful as they were gullible. Daichi didn’t necessarily mind; it made the citizens feel safe in their territory. And when boisterous teenagers attacked them, thinking they were easy prey, they were in for a nasty surprise. Even if Daichi disliked violence, he had become ruthless when it came to protecting his people.</p><p>They were on friendly terms with a handful of gangs, most of them in neighboring territories. Daichi didn’t expect Naoi of Nekoma to show up in his office one day, though, asking for help. Their numbers had been depleting for a while and now that Nekomata had passed away, it was only a matter of time before Nekoma crumbled. He didn’t want his family to fall apart.</p><p>With the new members and territory came new business. At first, Daichi was hesitant; some of the things Nekoma was involved in were miles outside his comfort zone. But the former Nekoma members took care of their affairs, and Daichi didn’t see any reason to stop them.</p><p>Years passed, and now Daichi couldn’t imagine a different life for himself anymore. Karasuno was his family. Koushi, whom he loved with all his heart, still took in every teenager he could find, desperate to save them and give them a home if they would take it. Things were finally okay.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“That’s all,” Sawamura ended. “No more secrets.” With a soft smile, he rubbed his thumb over Sugawara’s hand in his.</p><p>Kenma felt as if a whirlwind was trapped inside his mind, hurling all the things Sawamura had told him around, letting them crash into one another and melt together only to rip them apart again. Pain throbbed behind his temples, and the room seemed to spin underneath him.</p><p>He’d been right about them from the start. His <em>mother</em> had been right every time she warned him of how dangerous monsters were. Karasuno was far from a <em>safe place</em>; he had been sleeping just rooms away from murderers and criminals, blissfully unaware of everything that was going on behind his back. Kenma was <em>scared</em>. He didn’t know what to think, and the mess inside his brain only seemed to get worse when he tried to organize his thoughts.</p><p>The rational part of his brain knew that nothing had happened to him so far, even though there had been countless chances to hurt him or get rid of him. There was no reason to teach him how to work the coffee machines if they didn’t want him to stay here, with them.</p><p>The irrational part didn’t bother coming up with reasons. It just screamed <em>Run, you’re not safe here, run, run, run—</em></p><p>Kenma forced himself to take a steadying breath. “So… What does that mean for me?” he asked finally.</p><p>Sugawara tilted his head. “It doesn’t mean more than you want it to. Nothing is going to change—unless that’s what you want.” He knew Kenma was scared, Kenma could tell. He let go of Sawamura’s hand to reach across the table, hesitating a moment before he stroked over Kenma’s arm. “I promise there is no reason to be scared. We would never let anything happen to you. I swear to the gods and on Daichi’s life.”</p><p>“I’m—” Kenma started, but he didn’t know what he wanted to say. His mind was bursting, yet it felt completely empty as he tried to speak.</p><p>“It’s alright,” Sawamura said, “I know this is a lot to wrap your head around. I apologize for not telling you earlier.”</p><p>Kenma nodded slowly.</p><p>Sugawara turned to look at the clock above the door. “It’s getting quite late. Do you think you’ll be okay tonight, Kenma? If you’d rather talk for a while, that’s alright, too. Whatever helps you feel comfortable.”</p><p>“I’ll be fine,” he lied. “I think I just need to sleep on it.” And perhaps he would feel better in the morning - if he managed to sleep at all, he thought bitterly. He was exhausted, but he doubted that he would find any rest tonight. There was too much going through his head. Too many reasons to worry.</p><p>“Alright. We’ll see you in the morning. Good night, Kenma.” Sawamura got up, his bones cracking softly, and walked toward the door.</p><p>“Sleep well,” Sugawara said. He squeezed Kenma’s shoulder on his way out, like he had done a million times before. The touch of his fingers burned through his clothes, into his skin, scorching his flesh.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this was beta read by @paradoxicalpsychic on tumblr </p><p>i'm not entirely sure about this chapter bc it's really just daichi's backstory and it feels like it's a bit early for that? but also i wouldn't know how else to write this so i just hope it wasn't too boring</p><p> </p><p>this story is part of the <a href="https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject">llf comment project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. this author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p><ul>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kenma’s heart fluttered wildly in his chest as he turned around a corner, and his hands were sweaty despite the cool night air. He wiped them on the inside of his sleeves. The cobblestones glinted orange under the streetlights, still wet from the afternoon rain and when Kenma glanced up into the sky, there were no stars.</p><p>Even though he must have been here before, Kenma didn’t recognize any of the buildings. They looked older than the ones on the main streets, neglected and worn down from years of exposure. He tried not to let his mind convince him that there were eyes watching him from behind boarded up windows, or shadows lurking behind piles of broken furniture and trash.</p><p>In the distance, someone laughed, or maybe they were screaming – he couldn’t tell. The sound made the hairs on Kenma’s neck stand up, and he quickly cast a glance over his shoulder. No one else was on the street.</p><p>His steps echoed through the night, drowned out only by the beating of his own heart. Kenma found himself walking faster. He shouldn’t have left, it was stupid to go out by himself. He didn’t know where he was, couldn’t remember how to get back to Karasuno – but didn’t <em>want</em> to go back. He was still angry with them for lying to him, for letting him believe that he was safe. Kenma would <em>not</em> admit to himself that he was indefinitely safer in the small basement bedroom than out here.</p><p>A rustling sound in an adjacent alley made him flinch. He stopped, slowly turning his head. He hadn’t noticed before, but there were fewer lanterns lining the street here. It was harder to make out shapes in the darkness, and Kenma had to strain his eyes to see. The rustling rang through the air again, closer this time, as a cat jumped over a trashcan and darted across the street, only to disappear in another alley. Relief flooded through Kenma’s veins. <em>Just a stray cat.</em></p><p>He exhaled. The night air had cooled his head and the initial panic about Sawamura’s revelation had dissipated. Kenma was still scared, but his chances of survival were indefinitely better when he was not out here by himself. Maybe the cat was his sign to go back before anything happened.</p><p>Kenma spun around, his sneakers squeaking shrilly as their soles rubbed over the wet ground. He hurried down the street, trying to remember the way he’d come. The original thrill from slipping out of the café’s backdoor was long gone and had left behind an uneasy feeling in his gut. The air around him felt different, tense and foreboding.</p><p>Kenma didn’t immediately realize that he was running. His footsteps became louder, more frequent; his heartbeat picked up again until it was drumming against the inside of his skull; the cold wind bit his skin and tugged on his hair.</p><p>He came to an abrupt halt when something firm stepped in his way, causing Kenma to crash into it. He tumbled to the ground, barely catching himself on his hands and knees. His palms stung, and he didn’t need to see them to realize he’d scraped them badly.</p><p>When he looked up, a tall man was standing in front of him. Shadows obscured his face; only his broad shoulders were visible. Kenma swallowed audibly.</p><p>“What the fuck are you doing here?”</p><p>“I—I’m sorry, I didn’t—” Kenma stuttered, hastily crawling backwards. It made his hands hurt even more, and he hissed. He needed to stay calm, keep his head clear; get away.</p><p>“Oi, where are you going? I’m not done with you.” The man’s voice was eerily calm, bordering on amused. He stepped toward Kenma. For a second he allowed himself to wonder how the heavy leather boots he was wearing didn’t make a single sound as they hit the cobblestones.</p><p>Then his attention snapped back to the situation at hand. He was cowering on the ground, defenseless and with scraped up hands, while there was a much stronger, likely armed man standing above him. He didn’t stand a chance.</p><p>For some reason, Kenma felt calm. The cold air kept his mind clear and sharpened his senses. Perhaps if he could take the other man by surprise, he’d be distracted long enough for him to escape.</p><p>His heart beat loudly in his chest, an even rhythm, just slightly faster than normal. His hands weren’t shaking too much, and he was breathing evenly. He was nervous, but he wasn’t panicking. Maybe, just maybe— He took a deep breath to steady himself. He needed to make a decision, fast. Should he punch the man? Kick him? His mouth filled with the taste of something metallic. His fingers began to itch; he needed to act, he needed to—</p><p>Before Kenma could even as much as raise a finger, a fist collided with his jaw. He barely registered the pain spreading through his bones before the world around him went dark and his head hit the ground below him.</p><p> </p><p>To his surprise, the stones under him didn’t feel hard at all; they felt very soft, actually. His fingers twitched, moving over soft fabric.</p><p>Kenma’s eyes snapped open. Harsh, white light illuminated the infirmary, stinging in his eyes and making him blink. The skin around them was crusty, but when he tried to raise his hands to rub at them, they felt too heavy to move. He grunted quietly.</p><p>“Kenma?” a voice rang through the room. “Are you awake?” He tried to make an affirmative noise and a few seconds later, Shimizu’s face appeared in his field of vision. “How are you feeling? Does your head still hurt?”</p><p>Kenma’s head did feel a bit weird, now that she mentioned it. It must’ve hit against the stones when he fell. He froze. He’d fallen after being hit in that alley, and he couldn’t remember getting up again. Why was he lying on one of the infirmary beds? It didn’t make sense.</p><p>“Sh-Shimizu? How did I get here?” His voice was scratchy and his throat hurt as he spoke.</p><p>The woman straightened her glasses. “Kuroo brought you here. He said he’d found you outside, unconscious.” Her expression went cold. “Kenma, you really shouldn’t have done that. I’m sure Daichi told you not to go out by yourself. It’s dangerous at night. You can thank the gods that Kuroo happened to come across you, otherwise you likely would have died—and most people out there would not have granted you a painless death.”</p><p>A shiver ran down Kenma’s spine. The guilt he had felt earlier came crashing down on him all over again, stronger this time. He felt so ungrateful. They had taken him in, given him everything he needed; they were always kind to him. Yes, they had kept secrets. But who was Kenma to blame them? He wouldn’t have trusted a complete stranger, either. Kenma sighed and closed his eyes.</p><p>“It’s alright, though,” Shimizu added, but her deep frown said otherwise. “You were lucky and nothing happened. Your hands are healed, and your jaw is only bruised. You don’t even have a concussion from hitting the ground.”</p><p>Kenma didn’t tell her that that wasn’t what he was worried about. “What time is it?” he asked instead.</p><p>“Half past five in the morning. You can return to your bedroom to sleep some more if you want. By now, you should be good to walk again.”</p><p>“I’ll go to my room, then.”</p><p>Shimizu nodded as Kenma pushed himself up on his arms, wobbling slightly. His palms weren’t hurting anymore, he noticed. Quickly, Shimizu reached out to steady him. “Careful. Do you think you require assistance walking?”</p><p>Kenma shook his head; he didn’t want to impose on her any more than he already had. If it weren’t for his stupidity, Shimizu would not have to be awake in the middle of the night. “I’ll be okay,” he told her.</p><p>Somehow, he made it back to his bedroom. His head felt too light and too heavy at the same time, making him dizzy, and his feet dragged over the floor. When Kenma reached his room, he didn’t bother turning the lights on; he fell backwards onto the bed and closed his eyes as the familiar scent of his bedsheets surrounded him, lulling him to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Kuroo was yelling. There was no mistaking his voice, and he was <em>angry</em>. Even before stepping out of his bedroom, Kenma had known that something was wrong. The air was hot and stuffy, vibrating with fury. It felt violent.</p><p>He didn’t know what drew him toward the noise; all his instincts screamed at him to turn the other way and get as far away from it as possible. And yet, he found himself walking through the corridors, his steps light as to not make a sound. The kitchen was too far away to hear all of it, words getting lost between the corners and doorways, but snippets of the conversation found their way to Kenma.</p><p>“—gotten hurt! What the fuck would have happened if I hadn’t—” </p><p>“—fucking serious? You’re supposed to look after him, he’s your responsibility—”</p><p>“—I don’t give a shit! He can’t defend himself, you shouldn’t have let—”</p><p>“—him! I can’t believe you! Are you really so—”</p><p>“—you better! I swear to the gods, if you—Kenma! What are you doing here?”</p><p>Kuroo stood in front of Sawamura, tail sticking up behind him and his fists clenched so tightly they were shaking. The room was even warmer than the corridor and his eyes were flickering in a dark shade of red.</p><p>Kenma took a step backwards. He hadn’t even noticed that he’d entered the kitchen. “I’m sorry,” he said awkwardly.</p><p>“No, don’t be.” Kuroo glanced at Sawamura. “I think I’ve gotten my point across, anyway. I’ll be leaving now.” He ran a hand through his hair and then shot one last angry glare at Sawamura. He stormed out of the kitchen, not stopping as he told Kenma, “I’m glad that you’re okay.”</p><p>Following a sudden impulse, he scurried after Kuroo and grabbed his wrist just before he reached the end of the corridor.</p><p>Kuroo almost stumbled. A swear slipped through his lips as he turned around to stare at Kenma’s hand. His brows furrowed, then his eyes widened, the dark red turning scarlet. Kuroo’s gaze wandered up Kenma’s arm until it reached his face, settling on his eyes. “Kenma? Do you—What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I—” he began, but he didn’t know what he wanted to say. Kuroo’s skin was burning under his fingers, twisting something inside his chest. It felt strange, almost like fear, but Kenma still wasn’t scared at all. “Thank you for last night,” he said after what felt like a much too long pause.</p><p>“Of course. It’s—Don’t worry about it. I’d do it anytime.” He bit his lip. “Not that I want you to get hurt again. That’s not what I mean.” Cursing under his breath, he ran a hand through his hair. His eyes fell back onto Kenma’s hand, and he quickly let go as if Kuroo’s skin had actually burned him. “I didn’t mind you touching me.”</p><p>Kenma froze. “What?” he croaked, his throat suddenly feeling very tight.</p><p>Kuroo’s tail twitched behind him as he sighed. “It didn’t bother me. I don’t mind being touched.“ He turned his head to look down the corridor. “Anyway, I guess I should get going, then.”</p><p>Kenma nodded slowly. His brain was still trying to catch up with what was happening.</p><p>Kuroo took a step away, then hesitated. “You have a phone, right? Can I have your number?” Without waiting for an answer, he pulled a blue phone out of his back pocket, flipping it open and pressing a few buttons before holding it out to Kenma. His eyebrows were raised in expectation.</p><p>Their fingers brushed as Kenma accepted the phone and put in his phone number and <em>Kenma</em> under <em>Name</em>. “Here,” he said, giving it back.</p><p>Kuroo grinned at him, and typed something before pocketing his phone. “I changed your contact name,” he explained. “I’ll text you later. See you soon, Kenma.” Then he walked down the corridor without looking back, and Kenma stared after him until he disappeared around the corner.</p><p> </p><p>Sawamura was still sitting at the table, fingers entwined and his chin resting on the white knuckles. “Sit down,” he said as Kenma entered the kitchen. He didn’t sound upset, but his brows were furrowed in frustration.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Kenma said. “I know I shouldn’t have…”</p><p>Sawamura nodded. “You really shouldn’t have. I understand the need to clear your head, but going for a walk in the middle of the night—that was a very irresponsible thing to do. I expected more from you.” His words were heavy with disappointment and made Kenma’s heart sink.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I don’t know wh—It won’t happen again.”</p><p>Sawamura sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing the skin under them. “I was worried. As long as you live here, you are my responsibility. By now, a lot of people know of your association with us, and some of them would be overjoyed to get their hands on you to either question you and kill you once they realize that you don’t hold any valuable information, or to blackmail us. Surely, you wouldn’t want that to happen.”</p><p>He couldn’t look at him, so Kenma stared at his own shaking hands. “I don’t,” he whispered.</p><p>Sawamura sounded pleased when he said, “Good.”</p><p>It was quiet. The silence wrapped around Kenma’s throat, leaving black bruises on his conscience. “I’m sorry,” he said again.</p><p>“I accept your apology.”</p><p>Kenma looked up. Sawamura’s expression hadn’t changed, he still looked tired and frustrated. But his arms lay on the table now, his fingers relaxed.</p><p>“However, I want to make one thing clear. As soon as you leave the property, I cannot guarantee for your safety. You will be responsible for whatever happens to you. Please let me know if you want to take a walk, I’ll have someone join you to keep you safe. But if you disappear without so much as a word, I cannot send anyone after you.”</p><p>Swallowing his unease, Kenma nodded. He was relieved that Sawamura didn’t seem to suspect that he had wanted to run away, otherwise he might not even have allowed him back. Surely, he would have simply kicked him out for being so ungrateful – and rightfully so.</p><p>“Do you know any self-defense, Kenma?” Sawamura asked suddenly.</p><p>He shook his head. There had never been a real need to learn—he had always made sure not to get into any situations where he would need to protect himself—nor had there been anyone to teach him. But things were different now, he supposed; Kuroo had gotten hurt and so had Shouyou and now Kenma himself. Kageyama had told him that it was something he would have to get used to.</p><p>“Koushi will teach you, then. Even if I could trust you not to wander off again, sooner or later you will find yourself in a situation where no one will be around to help you. You need to be prepared for that.”</p><p>Kenma couldn’t think of any reason why that would happen; he had learned his lesson. He wouldn’t try to go outside at night again. This time he had been lucky, and the likelihood of that happening again was minuscule. He wouldn’t risk it. But he didn’t want to argue with Sawamura; he had done enough to upset the man in the past hours. “Alright,” he said.</p><p>“You’ll also be on kitchen duty for the next week. Think of it as a way to make up for worrying us.”</p><p>Kenma nodded. That was only fair, he thought. He didn’t mind cooking and doing the dishes, anyway.</p><p>Sawamura sighed, but his expression softened, leaving him looking even more tired than usual. He stood up, pushing back his chair, and started toward the door. For a moment, he halted next to Kenma to gently touch his shoulder. As if he wanted to say something, he opened his mouth, only to close it again with a slight shake of his head. Sawamura left the kitchen.</p><p>Unsure of what he was supposed to do, Kenma stayed on the wooden chair. Having nothing to distract himself with, guilt began to gnaw at him again. He couldn’t shake the feeling; again and again his thoughts drifted back to how he shouldn’t have left and how he should have been more grateful for everything Sugawara and Sawamura had done for him.</p><p>Sighing, Kenma let his head drop onto the wooden surface of the table. Pain surged in his forehead. He groaned. If only his mind would leave him alone for a few moments…</p><p> </p><p>Sugawara found him still sitting in the kitchen, his face pressed against the cool table.</p><p>“We’ll have dinner later,” he told Kenma as he led him down a corridor. He didn’t recognize it, even though he was relatively familiar with the basement by now, but he didn’t dare ask where they were going.</p><p>“I’m really sorry,” he said instead. “I didn’t mean to—I didn’t think—I’m sorry that I made you worry.”</p><p>Sugawara kept his eyes trained on the end of the corridor as he waved his hand through the air. “Ah, it’s alright. But you were lucky that Kuroo was in the area, otherwise the remains of your body would be lying the-gods-know-where.” His voice remained cheerful as ever, and it made Kenma’s stomach turn.</p><p>In front of a heavy oak door, Sugawara stopped. “Here we are.” Grasping the handle, he pulled it open to reveal a room that was completely bare, except for a ceiling lamp wrapping it in a dimmed yellow light. Hesitantly, Kenma stepped inside. Sugawara followed him, letting the door snap shut with a thundering sound.</p><p>Rolling up his sleeves, he smiled at Kenma. It didn’t seem to quite reach his eyes. “I’m sure you know that your physique isn’t on par with those of demons and werewolves and the like. We’re not meant to fistfight people. We’re not meant to run long distances or jump over obstacles. But that doesn’t mean we’re weak, or even defenseless. After all, the gods blessed us with magic.” He stretched out his hand, open palm facing the ceiling. “Watch,” he told Kenma.</p><p>The air around his fingers began to flicker, just slightly, blurring their shape. Small lights began to dance around Sugawara’s hand, blooming blindingly bright before exploding like dying stars. They seemed to gravitate toward the center of his palm, forming an orb of light. In its midst, a silhouette appeared, twisting and winding until it broke through the orb. Green leaves emerged, growing rapidly and absorbing the dancing lights as a small sapling took shape in Sugawara’s palm.</p><p>It took barely more than a second. Kenma was sure he would have missed it if he had blinked. </p><p>Sugawara exhaled slowly as if he had been holding his breath. Only now Kenma noticed that his eyes were closed. He opened them, and maybe Kenma was mistaken, but the color of his irises seemed just a bit off. When he smiled this time, it looked genuine. “So, what do you think?”</p><p>“That was amazing.” He could hear the awe in his own voice.</p><p>“Thank you! But this is nothing compared to what I’m capable of. Still, it should be enough to explain to you how to use your own magic. I doubt that you will be able to create anything bigger than this for a while, anyway.” Tilting his head, he paused. “Have you ever tried to consciously use your magic?”</p><p>Kenma shook his head.</p><p>“What a shame. But you <em>have</em> noticed that you have used your magic before – even if you didn’t mean to.” Sugawara seemed to sense his uncertainty, because he added, “You know, small plants appearing out of nowhere. Finding blood on your skin and not remembering where it came from.”</p><p>His eyes widened. That was magic? All those plants he had found in peculiar places—his own magic had created them? Kenma could feel his fingers trembling, and dug his nails sharply into his palms. The dandelion that was still growing from his bedpost, the leaves he had to spit out every morning. He had made those.</p><p>Subconsciously, he must have known. So why had he never thought about this? Why had he simply accepted that these things were happening? Why had he never considered that it was his magic? He knew that the brain would sometimes gloss over obviously strange things it could not explain because that was easier than trying to analyze them. He’d rarely ever seen anyone use magic growing up, so maybe his brain had just not considered it a possibility. Was that what had happened? Had his brain been unable to comprehend, and simply decided not to think about it at all?</p><p>“Kenma.”</p><p>His breathing hitched.</p><p>Sugawara was looking at him, his eyebrows furrowed. Was he mad at Kenma for getting distracted?</p><p>“Kenma,” he said again. He sounded upset. “It’s okay. I know that everything is a bit overwhelming at the moment. Let’s sit down, okay?” Sugawara sank to the floor, crossing his legs. Gently patting the floor next to him, he indicated for Kenma to do the same.</p><p>He sat down.</p><p>“Good. Now, I know magic can be scary. It <em>is</em> scary most of the time. But as long as you know how to control it, you have nothing to fear. Which is why I will teach you how to do that.”</p><p>He nodded, even though his brain was still trying to process what Sugawara had just said.</p><p>“Right now, the only time you use magic is when you’re scared or hurt or upset. When you experience strong emotions, magic builds up inside of you. Your body assumes that if you’re upset, you must be in danger, so you need magic to protect yourself. It’s a bit similar to the way adrenaline works for humans, I think.” He paused for a moment, looking at Kenma expectantly.</p><p>His thoughts were running a mile a minute, and he had a hard time keeping up. He understood that Sugawara wanted to teach him how to use his magic, but he did <em>not</em> understand why. Although, he thought, he didn’t have to understand, not right now. What mattered now was that he would learn about magic after almost two decades of not even knowing if the rumors were true that nymphs were capable of it. His mother had never explained <em>anything</em> to him.</p><p>“If you don’t use the magic or relax,” Sugawara continued, “it will accumulate until it becomes too much for your body to contain. Just like a sink will overflow if you don’t pull the plug in time. When that happens, the magic forces its way outside through your skin, and you bleed. But as that happens, the magic immediately heals the wounds it escapes through, leaving you without any noticeable injuries. It isn’t harmful in any way, but an inconvenience. Once you learn how to properly regulate the level of magic in your body, you won’t have to worry about accidentally unleashing it anymore.”</p><p>Slowly, Kenma nodded again. That made sense. It explained why he could never find a wound the blood on his skin stemmed from. “I understand,” he told Sugawara.</p><p>He beamed at him. “That’s great! Of course, you can build up magic at any time, not just when you’re upset. When you start off, it is easier to practice with magic that has already built up, but causing anxiety or similar emotions on purpose would not do you any good. You agree with that, don’t you?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“That’s why I will teach you how to concentrate your magic first. You need to learn how to keep the level of magic in your body stable and adjust it to your needs.” Sugawara clapped his hands together, smiling at Kenma. “Are you ready to start?”</p><p>“Not really,” he admitted, “But I’ll try.”</p><p> </p><p>Magic was <em>hard</em>. When Sugawara had created the sapling, it had looked simple enough. But trying to feel the magic inside of him seemed impossible, no matter how many times Kenma squeezed his eyes shut and breathed in the rhythm Sugawara had told him to and tried to imagine light encasing his body before pooling into his hand. It gave him a headache.</p><p>Exhaling, Kenma let himself drop to the floor, letting it cool his heated skin.</p><p>“Are you tired?” Sugawara asked. “We can continue tomorrow. Take a moment to rest, we’ll get dinner afterwards.”</p><p>Kenma was too tired to do more than nod.</p><p> </p><p>Shouyou was sitting on the kitchen table, typing away on his phone. When he noticed them, he jumped at Kenma, throwing his arms around him and crushing him against his chest.</p><p>“Thank the gods, you’re okay!” He let go of Kenma, only to hold him away at an arm’s length. With narrowed eyebrows, he looked him up and down. “You are okay, aren’t you?”</p><p>“He’s fine, Shouyou.” Sugawara stepped past them, opening the fridge to take out a container of leftovers.</p><p>“I was really worried. They didn’t tell me what happened“—he shot Sugawara an angry glance—”only that you were hurt. What happened?”</p><p>Sugawara had transferred the food to a pot, setting it atop the stove to reheat it. He turned around to lean his back against the counter, crossing his arms in front of his chest and raising the corners of his mouth to a smile, but his eyes remained cold and calculating.</p><p>“Kenma ran away after Daichi explained to him what we actually do.”</p><p>Confusion washed over Shouyou’s expression before his eyes widened. “You—You told him?” His gaze wandered back to Kenma and landed on his hands still gripping his shoulders. He pulled them back.</p><p>He climbed back onto the table, and Sugawara didn’t say anything this time. Shouyou’s eyes were still wide and dark and glazed over, but Kenma couldn’t tell if it was because of fear or anger or something else entirely. “Why did you run? Do you think what we’re doing is wrong? Are you scared of me?”</p><p>Kenma quickly shook his head. “No, that’s not it. It just… overwhelmed me. I needed to clear my head, I think.” It wasn’t a lie, not exactly.</p><p>“And then he was beaten up in an alley.”</p><p>Shouyou nodded slowly before tilting his head to the right. “Kenma, do you want to leave? Now that you know?”</p><p>He hesitated. Right after Sawamura had told him, the answer would have been <em>yes.</em> But there was still nowhere else for him to go, and he liked being here. He could work at the café and didn’t have to worry about losing his job if he made a mistake. Sugawara was teaching him how to control his <em>magic</em>, and he had found a friend in Shouyou. Kenma didn’t want to give all of that up. Just because they had done bad things, that didn’t necessarily mean they were bad people – at least he hoped that was true.</p><p>When the words tumbled out of his mouth, he wasn’t surprised to hear himself say, “I want to stay.”</p><p>Shouyou grinned at him. Then he spun around toward Sugawara. “Oh, does that mean I’m finally allowed to talk to him about what I do? It was <em>so</em> hard not to mention anything when I wanted to rant about how dumb Kageyama is or the really cool things we do sometimes.”</p><p>Sugawara hummed noncommittally. “Nothing confidential.”</p><p>Excitement glowed in his eyes. Tapping the chair in front of him with his food, Shouyou motioned for Kenma to sit, then scooted over to the far edge of the table so Sugawara could place their plates with the heated food on it. His pointed glare happily ignored, Shouyou began to talk about how Sawamura had scolded Tsukishima (the name sounded vaguely familiar, but Kenma couldn’t remember to whom it belonged) during dinner.</p><p> </p><p>When Kenma returned to his bedroom, the notification light of his phone was blinking. Plopping down onto his bed, he flipped it open.</p><p>
  <em>[Unknown Number] Yo Kenma! It’s Kuroo :3</em>
</p><p>He saved the number to his phone under <em>Kuroo</em>, then returned to the chat. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, unsure of what to write. Kenma rolled onto his stomach. Texting was supposed to be easier than speaking, so why was he struggling with composing a simple message?</p><p>
  <em>hello kuroo, thank you for your message. i hope your day was alright</em>
</p><p>Shaking his head, he deleted the draft.</p><p>
  <em>hi kuroo. how are you?</em>
</p><p>He changed the period to an exclamation point and pressed <em>Send</em> before he could change his mind again. A fraction of a second later he realized that he had accidentally deleted the second <em>o</em> in <em>Kuroo</em>. Cringing, he dropped the phone onto his bed and shoved it under his pillow, burying his face in the soft fabric. As if he hadn’t embarrassed himself in front of Kuroo often enough already.</p><p>Kenma jumped when his phone vibrated a few minutes later. He had dozed off, and rubbing his eyes, he reached for it. To his surprise, Kuroo had texted back already.</p><p>
  <em>[Kuroo] I’m good! Hope you’re doing okay, too</em>
</p><p><em>i am, thank you  </em>Kenma sent back. He was about to put his phone away when another message popped up on the screen.</p><p>
  <em>[Kuroo] Did Daichi talk to you? Or do I have to come back and yell some more?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don’t worry, he did. sugawara said he will teach me how to control my magic</em>
</p><p>
  <em>[Kuroo] Good. I don’t want you to get hurt again. Although I wouldn’t mind carrying you in my arms again ;3</em>
</p><p>Kenma frowned. What was that supposed to mean? Did he not mind because Kenma was light enough to carry him effortlessly? Or was Kenma missing something here?</p><p><em>thank you?  </em>he sent back, hoping that it was an appropriate response.</p><p>
  <em>[Kuroo] You’re welcome uwu</em>
</p><p>Before Kenma could reply, he received another message from Kuroo.</p><p>
  <em>[Kuroo] You should go to bed soon. It’s very late</em>
</p><p>The clock read 11:56. Kenma stifled a yawn. He really <em>should</em> go to bed, he thought. He sent Kuroo a short goodnight message, before forcing himself to go brush his teeth in the bathroom. After changing into more comfortable clothes, he slipped under his sheets and checked his phone again.</p><p>
  <em>you’re right, i’m pretty tired. good night</em>
</p><p>
  <em>[Kuroo] Goodnight Kenma!! :3</em>
</p><p>With a smile on his lips, he closed his eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>beta read by @paradoxicalpsychic</p><p> </p><p>this story is part of the <a href="https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject">llf comment project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. this author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p><ul>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw: violence, graphic depictions of blood/gore</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Even though Kuroo had texted him daily during the week after obtaining his phone number, Kenma was dumbstruck when he received a message inviting him to the demon’s birthday party. It was just a small gathering, Kuroo assured him, just a few friends hanging out at a bar. If Kenma got overwhelmed or uncomfortable, he would immediately take him home. And Shouyou would be there, too, so there was really no reason for him <em>not</em> to come.</p><p>It was tempting. Kuroo made it sound like there really was nothing to worry about, and a part of Kenma was itching to get a change of air because he hadn’t left the café ever since his rather disastrous attempt at running away. But of course, things were never quite that simple. There were <em>plenty</em> of reasons to worry.</p><p>Kenma hadn’t been to a birthday party since fifth grade, and he had never set foot in a bar before. Judging from the movies he’d seen, it didn’t seem like something he would enjoy. And then there were Kuroo’s friends – were they all demons, too? Were they criminals? Would they want to hurt Kenma?</p><p>He didn’t even need to tell Sugawara that he was worried. The man was wiping the counter with a cloth, but one look at Kenma curled in on himself on a stool made him set it aside. With a sympathetic smile, he leaned over the counter. “What’s on your mind? Nervous about going to Kuroo’s birthday party?”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“Hmm… You like Kuroo, right? He’s nice.” He waited for Kenma’s nod, then continued. “His friends aren’t much different. They can be a bit loud, and they do look a bit wild, but they’re all very nice. Otherwise, Kuroo wouldn’t put up with them.”</p><p>“What if they don’t want me there?”</p><p>Sugawara shook his head. “That’s not going to happen. If anything, I’m a bit worried that they’ll get carried away in their excitement about meeting someone new and won’t leave you alone all night.”</p><p>A snort escaped Kenma. “I doubt that.”</p><p>He shrugged. “You won’t find out unless you go.”</p><p>The bell above the door rang, and Sugawara turned to the customer with a blinding smile. “Hello! How may I help you?” he said, effectively ending their conversation.</p><p> </p><p>The warm sweater did nothing against the cold. Or perhaps the shiver that ran down Kenma’s spine as he stood in front of the entrance to the bar stemmed from his paralyzing anxiety. He pulled the sleeves over his fingers, curling them into tight fists. From the corner of his eye, he could see Shouyou looking at him. The harsh red glow of the neon sign above the door illuminated his face eerily and turned his hair into a bloody halo.</p><p>“Ready?” he asked.</p><p>Kenma hummed in agreement and Shouyou pushed the door open. Immediately, the bitter scent of alcohol and muffled conversations drifted out into the cold night. Shouyou gestured for him to enter and so he did, his stomach churning with nervous anticipation.</p><p>It was a small room. There was a bar counter to the right of the entrance, a handful of stools lined up in front of it and a shelf above it housing rather sad looking plants with drooping leaves. To the left, there were tables lining the wall. Orange lamps gave the bar a warm hue, and posters were stuck in some places on the wooden walls.</p><p>Two tables had been pushed together, and around them sat a dozen people, cramped onto mismatched chairs. Kenma immediately spotted Kuroo, towering over the others even when seated. His leather jacket was thrown over the back of his chair, but his hair looked just as unkempt as always and his shirt hung loosely from his shoulders, sleeves reaching down to his elbows. One of his arms was slung around the shoulders of the man to his right, his head thrown back in laughter. His gaze fell on Kenma.</p><p>“Oi, Kenma! Hinata!” With a huge grin on his face, he waved them over. “Come have some drinks!”</p><p>Two men got up to bring over more chairs for them, and a few moments later Kenma found himself with a beer in hand, seated between a lanky vampire who fidgeted in his chair and an unassuming looking man with black hair. Shouyou sat across from him, next to a young man who immediately struck up a conversation with him.</p><p>The black-haired man turned to Kenma. With a polite nod, he said, “I’m Akaashi Keiji. Nice to meet you, Kenma.”</p><p>“Likewise,” he replied with a surprisingly steady voice.</p><p>“Oh, good idea, Keiji! We should do a quick round of introductions!” the man sitting between Akaashi and Kuroo cried, clapping the demon’s back so hard that he fell forward and had to grip the edge of the table with both hands. “I’ll start! Name’s Bokuto Koutarou! I go by they/them.”</p><p>They turned to Kuroo. “I think we can skip you, heh?”</p><p>Kuroo gasped in faux shock, placing a hand over his heart. “I’m <em>hurt</em>. I’m supposed to be the main attraction today, and I don’t even get the chance to properly introduce myself.” His voice slurred a bit more than usual.</p><p>“I’m Yamamoto Taketora!” the werewolf next to him continued, ignoring Kuroo’s antics. He had surprisingly little hair, his head was shaved except for a short, blond mohawk. Just like Kuroo’s, his arms were covered in tattoos and he wore a studded leather bracelet around his left wrist.</p><p>The others around the table followed suit. Fukunaga and Kai seemed the most collected and calm out of all of them, and Kenma decided he liked them. The man who had been talking to Shouyou was Inuoka, and next to him sat Shibayama, a short boy who looked entirely too young to be at a bar. But then, so did Shouyou (he knew <em>for a fact</em> that the boy was too young to drink) and no-one batted an eye at him.</p><p>This left only the vampire next to Kenma. He stretched out his hand, pale and long-fingered, and wrapped it around Kenma’s, shaking it enthusiastically. “Hi Kenma, I’m Lev! Kuroo talks about you all the time, so it’s nice to finally meet you.”</p><p>“Lev!” Kuroo barked, pointing a finger at him. A tattooed snake wound its way around it. “Stop telling such outrageous lies!”</p><p>“He’s not wrong, though, is he?” Bokuto said, touching their lip.</p><p>Kenma squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. The thought of Kuroo talking about him caused a strange feeling in his chest; it wrapped itself around his lungs and made his heart beat twice as fast. It felt just like anxiety, with the sweaty palms and sudden dizziness, but he didn’t feel scared. It didn’t make sense, he <em>should </em>have been scared. If Kuroo had a reason to talk about Kenma, it likely wasn’t anything good. So why did the warmth spreading throughout his body feel… kind of nice?</p><p>Maybe it was the alcohol. Kenma hadn’t drunk anything yet, but perhaps the scent lingering heavily in the air was enough to mess with his head. He took a sip. The taste was so disgusting that he almost spit it right back into the glass. Cringing, he forced himself to swallow.</p><p>Akaashi gave him a sympathetic look. “Gross, isn’t it? You don’t have to drink that. I can get you some water instead.”</p><p>Blushing, he nodded and pushed the beer further away from him. Embarrassment welled up inside him; he hadn’t meant for anyone to notice that. The men around him were throwing back one drink after the other, unbothered by the terrible taste. Surely they would laugh at Kenma if they knew he couldn’t even stomach a simple beer.</p><p>He watched as the man walked over to the counter, ordering a glass of water. To his delight, the barkeeper added some ice before handing it to Akaashi, who nodded with a polite smile and returned to Kenma.</p><p>Setting it down in front of him, Akaashi sat back down in his chair. “Here you go.”</p><p>“Thank you.” The sensation of the cold glass against his skin grounded him, and as he gulped down half its contents to wash away the taste in his mouth, he felt the tension leaving his shoulders.</p><p>“I don’t really see the point in getting drunk,” Akaashi told him, “so I don’t drink much, either. Bokuto and Kuroo on the other hand… Sometimes they don’t know when to stop. That’s another reason why I stay sober. Someone has to play the responsible adult.”</p><p>Kenma blinked at him. What a strange way to start a conversation.</p><p>“I’m just telling you this so you won’t think you have to drink out of politeness. No one here cares what you do. They all just do their own thing, so don’t worry.” He paused to look at Kenma, calculating. “You look like the type to worry about these things.”</p><p>He didn’t like the thought of being so easy to read at all. It made Kenma feel exposed, unsafe. Akaashi’s blue eyes pierced his skull and looked straight into his mind, his soul laid bare for him to prod at.</p><p>“Keiji,” Bokuto cried, throwing their arms around the man. “You’re so far away. I miss you!”</p><p>With a sigh and a tiny smile, he turned around. “I’m sitting right next to you.”</p><p>“You know what would be even better?” Bokuto’s eyes twinkled excitedly. “Come sit on my lap!”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Aw, come on, please!” They pulled on Akaashi’s arm, attempting to drag him out of his chair.</p><p>Kenma’s eyes met Kuroo’s, who watched the scene unfolding in front of him with unconcealed amusement. When he noticed Kenma was looking too, he nodded towards his friends and rolled his eyes.</p><p>He couldn’t help but smile. But a sudden pain in his lower lip wiped it right off Kenma’s face again. Frowning, he touched the spot with his finger. It came away blood-stained. The November air must have dried out his lips, and they had split when the skin stretched with his smile.</p><p>Kuroo had noticed, too. He leaned over the table, eyeing his lip from a much too close distance. “Does it hurt?”</p><p>He shrugged, sinking into his chair to get more space between himself and the demon. “Not much. It’s just because of the cold.”</p><p>“Want me to kiss it better?”</p><p>Kenma froze. “Wh-what?”</p><p>Next to them, Bokuto wheezed. “I can’t believe you just said that! <em>Want me to kiss it better</em>—” They choked, but that didn’t stop them from laughing loudly. “You’re unbelievable!”</p><p>Kuroo frowned and plopped back down into his chair, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “As if you’re any better.”</p><p>They ignored him, still roaring with laughter.</p><p>Kenma was still too perplexed to say anything, his mind still trying to grasp the situation. Kuroo had seen that his lip was split and bleeding. Then, he had leaned in and asked if he could kiss it better. Obviously, he didn’t mean it <em>literally</em>. It was a figure of speech after all, and Kuroo probably only meant that he could give Kenma some chapstick. Right? Or it was a twisted joke, and he had told Kenma that he would like to suck his blood. Kuroo may not have been a vampire, but maybe demons liked to drink blood, too?</p><p>“Don’t mind them. They’re both drunk,” Akaashi interrupted his thoughts. “More water?”</p><p>He shook his head. “No, thank you.”</p><p>Just when Akaashi opened his mouth again, the door slammed against the wall. Wind swept into the room, bringing with it dead leaves and dirt from the street. Before Kenma could see who had entered, a weight hit his right side and he was thrown to the ground.</p><p>“Get down!” someone yelled as a shot echoed through the air. Suddenly, there was shouting, and someone screamed and his ears were ringing and everything was chaos.</p><p>Kenma couldn’t see anything. His head and elbows hurt and he had landed uncomfortably on his wrist. Around him, feet were moving and shuffling. He blinked. Some of the chairs had fallen over, and Akaashi and the young-looking boy were cowering under the table. Pushing himself up onto his hands and knees, he crawled towards them.</p><p>A loud thump sounded above them as something hit the tabletop. Kenma froze, staring up at the spot. His stomach turned when he saw blood slowly dripping through the gap between the tables and realized that the <em>thing</em> was a body.</p><p>For some reason, he couldn’t seem to look away. His eyes were fixated on the small puddle forming in front of him, seeping into the floorboards. The smell of iron filled his nose, along with a bitter taste in his mouth and he had to suppress the urge to throw up. His hands were shaking violently, he realized, and he wrapped them around his knees, hugging them to his chest.</p><p>Kenma was scared. He was <em>terrified</em>. Someone had died. He didn’t know who and he didn’t know why. The only thing he knew was that above him, there was a dead body and it was still bleeding and there was a good chance that Kenma would meet the same fate. He was going to die.</p><p>If only he hadn’t agreed to come to Kuroo’s birthday party. Of course, the one time Kenma went out, something like this had to happen. Maybe it was karma, his punishment for being ungrateful for Sugawara’s kindness? Or maybe Kenma simply didn’t deserve to live. The gods had decided they had given him enough opportunities to make something of himself and he hadn’t grasped them, so now they would take his life.</p><p>In the corner of his eye, Kenma saw another body dropping to the ground. His head was spinning, and he couldn’t make out the face of the person. It could have been a stranger, it could have been Shouyou, it could have been Kuroo. He didn’t know.</p><p>Blood was rushing in his ears. Kenma was staring at the blood on the floorboards. He realized that Akaashi was speaking. He could hear the words, but they just didn’t make sense in his mind. It was just a constant flow of sounds, with no meaning attached to them. Hands wrapped around his, pulling them away from his knees. They forced him to look up, right into Akaashi’s eyes. His mouth was moving, he was still speaking.</p><p>Slowly, the sounds began to form snippets of actual words.</p><p>“—up, you—”, “—I’m not going to—”, “—fuck—”, “—you need to get—“, “—drag you if you don’t—”, “—I swear to the gods—”, “—Kenma, get up! You need to get out of here.”</p><p>There was something about Akaashi’s eyes. As he spoke, their color shifted, from grey to blue to glistening silver. Suddenly, Kenma’s limbs were moving, and then he was crawling away from Akaashi, past the foot of a dead body, and then he was scrambling up from the ground and stumbling towards the backdoor. He could see more bodies around him, but he felt pleasantly numb toward them. Everything around him seemed so far away, almost dreamlike.</p><p>The bodies didn’t mean anything to him. They were just dead flesh, lying on the floor. Nothing to fear or mourn or think about.  </p><p>He stepped over the legs of a man. The head was twisted to the side at a weird angle and a deep gash ran across his abdomen, revealing a fleshy mess of intestines. His chest was rising and falling irregularly, barely noticeable anymore. Festering boils had turned his skin purple, pulsating to the beat of his dying heart. There was blood trickling from his half-closed eyes and a silent scream contorted his face.</p><p>Kenma kept walking, never once looking back. He wanted to turn around, he wanted to know what had happened, he wanted to know who was still alive, he wanted to know if Shouyou was unharmed. But he kept walking. It barely took him half a minute to reach the exit. His hand reached out to grab the handle, twisting it and pushing the back door open. And then he was standing in the alley behind the bar, alone in the dark.</p><p>Except, he wasn’t alone. When he turned to the left, a figure stepped out of the dark. “Trying to run away, are we? Well, I’m afraid that won’t work.” The gun in his raised hand glinted in the weak moonlight.</p><p>A shiver ran down Kenma’s spine. He knew he was scared, but it felt nothing like the anxiety he knew. His palms were dry, his head felt clear and he had goosebumps from the cold. Carefully, he took a step backwards. And then another one, and another one, and another one, until he was pressed up against the wall behind him.</p><p>The man followed him, a slight spring in his step. As he got closer, Kenma could see the smile on his face. The ecstatic look in his yellow eyes made him feel sick to his bones.</p><p>“Are you the only one who survived? That’s surprising. You don’t look the type. But maybe you just abandoned your brothers, hm? Ran away and left them to die. Guess I’ll do your boss a favor by killing you.”</p><p>His legs gave out under him and he slid to the ground. His fingers were too numb to even try to grasp the bricks to hold himself up. He was going to die. He was really going to die. There was no table to hide beneath this time, no-one to push him out of harm’s way. There was just the cold, hard ground, the moon and the barrel of the gun he was staring down. Kenma was going to die.</p><p>There was no doubt in his mind. With every beat of his heart, death was getting closer; every time his lungs expanded against his ribcage, the gun moved closer to his head. Strangely, Kenma felt very calm. He was going to die, and there was nothing he could do about it. All that was left was to sit there and stare up into that twisted, disgusting smile and wait for his end.</p><p><em>How ironic</em>, Kenma thought as he tasted the blood in his mouth. <em>He hasn’t even shot me yet and I’m already bleeding.</em> Would dying be easier if he closed his eyes? If he didn’t have to look at the metal pressing into his skin, the man’s bony finger closing around the trigger, his unconcealed joy?</p><p>He closed his eyes.</p><p>The taste in his mouth kept growing stronger, drowning out every other sensation. Kenma didn’t realize that he was lifting his hands until they were stretched out in front of him, as if he wanted to push the man away. As if he could do anything against that gun. Something dripped from his finger, onto the fabric of his pants. Warmth spread through his body, pooling in his palms. Then, suddenly, Kenma felt very cold.</p><p>Was this what death felt like?</p><p>He took a stuttering breath. He was alive.</p><p>Kenma opened his eyes. The man was dead.</p><p>His body lay on its back, his limbs twisted under his own weight. The long coat was torn and the gun had fallen from his fingers. Something dark wound around his torso, digging into the flesh and tearing it open, all the way from his knees to his face, penetrating his mouth. The man’s eyes were wide with terror, staring down at the blood oozing from his wounds and pooling around him.</p><p>The moon emerged from behind a cloud, illuminating the gruesome scene. Thorns were protruding from the dark vines that were wrapped around the man. Kenma’s eyes followed them over the ground, like snakes on the cobblestones, all the way to his trembling fingers.</p><p>He screamed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i spent like 3 hours researching gunshot wounds and how long it takes to bleed out if you're shot or stabbed in specific organs before i remembered that magic is a thing and i don't need to write something scientifically accurate :)<br/>(also,, i would really appreciate it if you let me know how you liked this chapter)</p><p>this chapter was beta read by @paradoxicalpsychic</p><p> </p><p>this story is part of the <a href="https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject">llf comment project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. this author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p><ul>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Shouyou’s body hung from the meat hook, swinging back and forth ever so slightly. Blood dripped from the corner of his mouth, and his lips were moving. He was saying something, but Kenma couldn’t hear what it was. Shouyou’s fingers twitched, and then he was gripping the corner of Kenma’s jacket and staining the fabric red. His fingernails lay in a small pile beneath him, as well as his toenails and his teeth and the pliers. Kenma looked at his own hands. They were brown with dried, crusted blood and little pieces of Shouyou’s flesh were stuck under his nails. He looked back at Shouyou. His body had gone limp. His fingers were hanging loosely at his side. His jaw was slack. He was dead. He was dead and Kenma had killed him. </em>
</p><p>When Kenma’s eyes snapped open and Shouyou stared back at him, he screamed. But this Shouyou was alive, and breathing, and scrunching his nose at the sudden noise. He was wearing pajamas and sitting cross-legged on Kenma’s bed, leaning back against the wall with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.</p><p>“Another nightmare?” he asked, giving him a sympathetic smile. Reaching over to the bedside table, he handed Kenma a mug. “Suga came by a few minutes ago to bring you more tea. He said he put something in it, but I forgot what it was. Something calming. A flower, I think?”</p><p>Kenma’s hands felt weird, as if they weren’t truly his own, so he wrapped them around the mug as tightly as he could without having to worry about breaking it. It was still hot, and he burned his tongue as he quickly gulped down the tea, but it felt oddly calming. Once he had finished the tea and could feel neither his tongue nor his fingers, he handed the mug back to Shouyou who set it down on the table.</p><p>“Do you want to go back to sleep? Or we could stay up for a while. I brought my phone, we can watch some cat videos. That always makes me feel better.”</p><p>Kenma nodded and pushed himself up so he could sit beside him, dragging his blanket with him. A yawn escaped him as he waited for the other to pull his phone out from underneath his pillow and unlock it.</p><p>Balancing his phone on his knees with one hand, Shouyou stretched out the other and made a grabbing motion towards Kenma’s. He intertwined their fingers and gently lay their hands down in his lap, so Kenma scooted a bit closer, leaning his head against his shoulder. Shouyou’s hand was warm and slightly calloused, just like always. He felt safe.</p><p> </p><p>Kenma thought he was dealing with the situation quite well, all things considered.</p><p>He couldn’t remember much about that night; everything was a blur except for the beer and Akaashi and the first shot and the man. Kuroo had found them in the alley and carried Kenma home. He had cried and screamed and lashed out at the demon, but he had just kept on walking and not let go of Kenma until he was standing in the café. Sugawara had given Kenma something to make him calm down, and once he had stopped crying, he helped him wash the blood off his skin and took him to bed, sitting down on the floor beside him until Kenma had fallen asleep.</p><p>In the morning, when he had walked into the café, tying his apron behind his back, Sugawara had ordered Kenma to take a week off from work. It was well-intentioned but left him with nothing to do, and so, Kenma found himself spending hours sitting at the counter, watching the customers and flinching every time the bells above the door jingled. This wasn’t much different from when he had started working, so it was proof that he was doing okay. Or perhaps just that his anxiety couldn’t get worse anymore.</p><p>The nightmares, however… They had been bad before, but this was different. When they had often made Kenma feel powerless and lost and at the mercy of others, in most of them <em>he</em> was the one hurting people now. Hurting them, torturing them, murdering them. And these nightmares were more terrifying than any dream about being chased or suffocating or bleeding out.</p><p>The first two nights after the incident, he had woken up screaming and with sweat-drenched sheets. He couldn’t ask Sugawara to stay at his side again; he needed all the sleep he could get and he already did so much for Kenma. So, on the third night, he had stumbled through the corridors until he found Shouyou’s bedroom. When the boy had opened the door yawning and rubbing his eyes, Kenma had been overcome with guilt for waking him up and almost ran back to his room, but one look at him had been enough for Shouyou to pull him into his bedroom. Kenma had curled up next to him and Shouyou had held his hand. He’d slept through the rest of the night.</p><p>At breakfast, Shouyou had told him that he should sleep with him every night if it kept the nightmares at bay. And just like that, it had become part of their routine. Of course, he still woke up in the middle of the night, his heart racing and hands shaking – at this point Kenma doubted he would ever sleep through a night again – but when he could feel Shouyou’s body next to his, the nightmares were manageable.</p><p> </p><p>Kenma was not the only one shaken up after the incident at the bar, though. It was apparent in the way Kageyama held his knife in his hand more often than he did not, spinning it endlessly. The way Sugawara kept glancing at the front door and talking to Sawamura in a hushed voice, mentioning names that Kenma had never heard of. The way everyone’s eyes appeared a bit sharper, their backs a bit straighter, their reactions a bit quicker.</p><p>It wasn’t hard to figure out that the attack had to have come from a rival gang. But Kenma didn’t know anything about the city’s criminal organizations, so even if someone had told him about their suspicions, he wouldn’t have known who exactly they were talking about. As it was, Kenma was not of enough importance to be entrusted with this kind of information. It couldn’t stop him from wondering, though.</p><p>Not that he had much time to think. After a few days of suffocating quiet, he was instructed to practice his magic, this time without Sugawara watching over him. So, Kenma still spent most of his time holed up in his bedroom, but at least he now had something to do.</p><p> </p><p>He was seated on his bed, legs crossed and his shoulders hunched. There was a mild headache forming behind his temples, but he ignored the pain for now. Squeezing his eyes shut, Kenma took a deep breath and tensed his fingers. He tried to picture small, white sparks surrounding him, covering every inch of his body, from his toes all the way up to his fingertips. They bounced off the skin of his hands, leaving behind a soft tingling sensation, as they gravitated towards the center of his palm.</p><p>Kenma’s breathing hitched as he suddenly felt the heat on his hand. He almost didn’t dare to open his eyes – but when he did, he let out a soft gasp. There, above his palm, a small orb of light was floating, gently bobbing up and down to the rhythm of his heartbeat. It emitted a weak glow, barely as bright as a candle, and made Kenma’s skin shimmer green.</p><p>After a few seconds, the light flickered before disappearing. The pleasant tingling was replaced by a pain so strong and sudden that Kenma fell over on his bed, his face smushed into the blanket and his legs bent uncomfortably underneath him. When he tried to move, the pain grew so intense that Kenma had to bite his tongue to stop himself from crying out.</p><p>Lying as still as possible, he waited for the feeling to pass. His brain felt weird, as if someone had filled his head with water that kept swishing around, clashing against the walls of his skull and making him dizzy.</p><p>When Kenma was finally able to move again without feeling like his limbs were set on fire, he couldn’t remember how much time had passed. How long had he been lying on his bed? It felt like hours to him, and yet it seemed like only a few minutes had passed.</p><p>Practicing magic still felt so strange to him. <em>Magic</em> was strange. It didn’t seem like something Kenma should be able to do, something that was deeply ingrained in his bones. And while it was <em>fascinating</em>, he didn’t really need it, did he? His mother had gotten along just fine without it. Growing plants might save him the trip to a flower shop if he wanted to treat himself to flowers, but aside from that, his magic didn’t seem very useful. He had no idea how Sugawara thought he would be able to protect himself with a flimsy dandelion. Not to mention that he couldn’t even get to that stage yet.</p><p>He could feel his shoulders tensing with frustration. Overthinking this wouldn’t get him anywhere. Maybe with time, he would get used to it, or at least be able to make some sense of it. For now, he should try to take his mind off it. Carefully flexing his fingers, Kenma reached toward his nightstand to check his phone. The numbers on the screen read 4:26 – barely half an hour had passed since he’d left the café. Below the time, a small notification told him he had received a new text message from Kuroo.</p><p>
  <em>[Kuroo] Hey! How has your day been so far? </em>
</p><p><em>it’s okay. practicing magic</em>.<em> hbu? </em></p><p>Locking his phone and shoving it into his pocket, he climbed off the bed and put on his shoes. There were still a few specks of blood on them, but Kenma simply couldn’t bring himself to clean them. Although there was really no reason <em>why</em> he couldn’t, his shoes remained bloody and muddy.</p><p>As he opened the door and stepped into the corridor, another message came in.</p><p>
  <em>[Kuroo] Things have been a little stressful lately. But I’m actually free tonight, so I was wondering if you would like to have dinner? I totally get if you don’t feel like it, though. </em>
</p><p>Kenma hesitated. The last time he had accepted an invitation from Kuroo, it had ended with a dozen men dead. Of course, the chances of it happening again were little to none, but was it worth the risk? Besides, Sugawara had probably started making dinner already, and it would be rude to let his portion go to waste. Then again, he hadn’t been outside in a week and that couldn’t be good for his mental health.</p><p><em>maybe. where do u wanna go?</em> </p><p>He hastily pressed <em>Send</em> before he could change his mind again. This time, he kept his phone in his hand as he continued towards the kitchen.</p><p>
  <em>[Kuroo] There’s a new place not far from my apartment where they have really good grilled meat. Bokuto and I went there last week. It’s pretty small and aside from us, there were only three others there, so you won’t have to worry about it being too crowded or loud. </em>
</p><p>Raising his eyebrows, he came to a halt. That seemed oddly considerate of Kuroo. Had he actually put this much thought into it, just to make sure Kenma would be comfortable? Perhaps—he sighed, rubbing his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>okay</em>
</p><p>
  <em>[Kuroo] Awesome! I’ll pick you up at 7pm, then. Bring a jacket, it might snow later tonight. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>His breath came out in small white clouds that dissipated in the air. Kenma curled his fingers inside his sleeves, rubbing them along the fabric. He had goosebumps from the cold and the light spray of rain was doing nothing to help that.</p><p>“Cold?” Kuroo asked, undoubtedly smirking. “Here.”</p><p>Kenma, who had been counting the cracks in the sidewalk, turned his head to see that the demon had come to a halt, his hand stretched out towards him, a small flame dancing above his palm. Confused, he stared at it for a moment before making a quiet <em>hm?</em> sound.</p><p>“It’s warm. Take it.”</p><p>“Take it?”</p><p>“Take it,” he repeated, closing the distance between them. “You can carry it. It won’t burn you—at least not unless I want it to.” He gently wrapped his free hand around Kenma’s wrist, pushing the sleeve back to reveal his hand. Brushing his thumb over his fingers, he gave him a soft smile.</p><p>A shiver ran down Kenma’s back, and he sneezed, making a high-pitched sound. Immediately, blood crept into his cheeks, and he quickly pulled back his hand. “Sorry.”</p><p>For an agonizingly long moment, Kuroo just stared at him, before breaking into a grin. “That was adorable. Also proves my point that you need something to warm you up a little bit.” Again, he took Kenma’s hand in his, opening it and letting the flame glide onto it.</p><p>It didn’t scorch his skin. It didn’t even touch him. The flame hovered above his hand, emitting a soft warmth that slowly seeped into Kenma’s bones.</p><p>“Better?”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“I’m glad!” Kuroo gave his shoulder a quick squeeze before turning back towards the street to continue down the sidewalk. “It’s not much farther, anyway. In a few minutes, you’ll be all warm and cozy again.”</p><p> </p><p>The restaurant <em>was</em> cozy. The floor was wooden, there were only a handful of small tables and the walls were bare aside from a few framed photos. Only two other people were there, tucked away into the opposite corner.</p><p>Once Kuroo had started talking, there was no stopping him. There seemed to be <em>so much</em> on his mind, so many thoughts he’d barely been able to contain and that were now spilling out. Not that Kenma wanted him to stop. It was easy to get lost in his words, his voice, his eyes that never seemed to stray very far from Kenma’s face.</p><p>A few times he rubbed his hands over his face, worried that there might be dirt on his skin, but Kuroo assured him there was nothing there when he finally asked. “You’re nice to look at,” he said off-handedly before he continued telling Kenma about a vampire he’d fought a few weeks prior.</p><p>It was confusing, to say the least. Kuroo kept saying these <em>things</em>, but his tone always stayed so calm and awfully casual that it was clear he didn’t mean anything by them. Kenma was just reading too much into it.</p><p>He barely registered the taste of the meat in his mouth. It was fine, quite good actually, but his mind was still stuck on Kuroo’s words. <em>You’re nice to look at</em>. What did that even mean? He wouldn’t consider himself interesting at all, and he couldn’t imagine a single reason why Kuroo would. There was nothing special about him, aside from his green hair that was still barely visible. But even that must seem boring to the demon who was constantly surrounded by monsters that were all so different, so unique.</p><p>“Are you still listening?”</p><p>He blinked, then cringed. “No, sorry. What were you saying?”</p><p>Kuroo huffed, but smiled at him. “Not important. I’ve been talking too much, anyway. What’s on your mind?”</p><p>For a second, Kenma considered telling him the truth, but then he said, “Just thinking about something Shouyou said earlier. He mentioned a TV show he wanted me to watch and I can’t remember the name.” It wasn’t really a lie, Shouyou <em>had</em> told him to watch some show he had discovered recently.</p><p>Kuroo raised an eyebrow, calculating, before he shrugged. “If you say so.”</p><p> </p><p>When they left the restaurant, clouds were covering the sky, shrouding the streets in darkness. There weren’t any streetlights in the area and suddenly, Kenma felt reminded of that night he’d tried to run away. Instinctively, he moved a little closer to Kuroo.</p><p>There was the slightest falter in his step, but he didn’t comment on it.</p><p>Kuroo led them through the streets, down alleyways that Kenma was almost certain they hadn’t passed on their way to the restaurant. The echo of their steps made him flinch more than once, and when a stray cat jumped out from behind a dumpster, he let out a squeak that made the demon chuckle.</p><p>“It’s just a kitten, Kenma.” His eyes were glowing softly. “Come on, now. We’re almost there.”</p><p>Curling his fingers into his sleeves, he nodded and continued walking.</p><p>After a few steps, Kenma stumbled over a stone that was sticking out of the street. Immediately, he felt something warm snaking around his back and keeping him upright. His body tensed, and he carefully glanced down. Even though his eyes had gotten used to the darkness, he had to squint to see the tip of Kuroo’s tail poking out from behind him.</p><p><em>Oh.</em> Kuroo had wrapped his tail around Kenma. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it felt… strange. The gesture seemed so intimate, and he didn’t know what to make of that. He could have just used his hands, he could have just kept on walking and not done anything. Was this Kuroo’s way of trying to make him feel safe? He could feel his muscles tensing and his heartbeat speeding up. Why was Kuroo doing this? What did he have to gain? Was there something Kenma had failed to notice?</p><p>“Hey. Relax,” Kuroo whispered.</p><p>He flinched. The demon’s voice was a lot closer than he had expected, just centimeters from his ear. Only the tail around his back kept him from stumbling backwards. It tightened around him, sneaking across his front.</p><p>“Woah, careful, there. We don’t want you to fall.”</p><p>Kuroo’s worried face entered his field of vision, and he was <em>so close</em> all of a sudden—</p><p>“Kenma? Are you alright? Hey, Kenma. I’ve got you. You’re okay. I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry. You’re safe, I promise.”</p><p>His heart was beating so loudly, and his fingers were shaking; his entire body was vibrating as blood rushed through him. He <em>knew</em> he was safe. Kuroo wasn’t going to hurt him. But despite knowing this, Kenma’s breath came out ragged. </p><p>“Hey. Kenma.” Calloused fingers pressed onto his face, forcing him to look into red, glowing eyes. “Look at me. It’s okay. Just… Focus on me? Let’s just try breathing together. Here, feel my chest.” He took one of Kenma’s hands, pressing it against himself. His chest expanded and contracted with each breath. “See? In and out. In. And Out. Yes, like that. You’re doing really well. Keep going.”</p><p>His heartbeat was slowing, quieting down. Kenma felt a bit dizzy, but the cold night air on his flushed skin slowly lifted the fog from his brain. Suddenly he was glad that Kuroo’s tail was holding up because his knees were wobbling and he was sure he would fall if the other let go.</p><p><em>I’m okay</em>, he wanted to say, but when he opened his mouth, no sound came out.</p><p>Kuroo gave him a sympathetic smile. “Better?”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“I’m glad.” His voice was soft, and there was a look in his eyes that Kenma couldn’t quite discern. Something like relief, maybe. “I was going to take you to the park, but it’s okay if you’d rather just go home. Get some rest, you know?”</p><p>“I—I want to—” Kenma squeezed his eyes shut. The dizziness made it hard to think. “Park?” he said, following a sudden feeling in his gut.</p><p>“Are you sure? Really, it’s no problem if you don’t want to go.”</p><p>“No, I’m sure. I’m okay. Sorry.”</p><p>Kuroo let out a long breath, putting his hands on his hips. “Alright then. It’s not much farther, we’re almost there.” He opened his mouth again, but hesitated, slowly looking Kenma up and down. “Can you… Um, do you…” He groaned, ruffling his hair. “Are you okay walking by yourself? Or do you, uh, need some assistance?” He cringed at his own words and turned his head to look at the sky.</p><p>Confused, Kenma stared at him. What a weird question. “Assistance?” he echoed.</p><p>Another groan came from Kuroo. “<em>Yes</em>. Just—I don’t know—Take my hand? Don’t want you to fall again or something,” he mumbled.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Heat rose to Kenma’s cheeks. Kuroo wanted to hold his hand? <em>His</em> hand?</p><p>“Dumb idea, sorry.”</p><p>“N-no, it’s—I wouldn’t mind that.”</p><p>Kuroo’s head snapped back to Kenma, his pupils blown so only a thin rim of red was visible. “Really?”</p><p>He shifted on his feet. “Yeah.”</p><p>Carefully as if to avoid making him stumble, Kuroo pulled him closer with his tail. Warm fingers reached down to where Kenma’s hand was curled up inside his sleeve, pushing it back until they could brush against his dry skin. Kuroo pushed his fingers between Kenma’s, interlocking them and squeezing them once, gently. He squeezed back.</p><p>“Alright then! Let’s go.” </p><p> </p><p>The park was barely more than a small square of lawn surrounded by a handful of trees and bushes. There were a swing set and a sandbox, as well as monkey bars that were so rusty that Kenma thought they might collapse if he looked at them for too long.</p><p>“Maybe <em>park</em> was a bit of a euphemism,” Kuroo admitted as he noticed Kenma’s scrunched-up nose, “but it’s the best you’ll get in this area. No one around here can really afford to maintain a park. Gods, most people barely manage to survive.” His fingers tensed slightly, and Kenma looked up at him. Kuroo’s eyes were glowing, just like before, but there was something different in them; as if the soft glimmer had turned into a proper fire, licking at its confines and threatening to spill over.</p><p>“Kuroo?” he said carefully.</p><p>Shaking his head, the demon looked down at him. “Sorry, forget what I said. Doesn’t matter right now. Let’s sit down, shall we?”</p><p>The paint on the bench’s wooden planks was chipped, and Kenma absentmindedly thumbed at it as he stared into the night. Kuroo was still holding his other hand, even though he no longer had a reason to, and his tail was still wrapped around his waist. He didn’t mind. It was colder now, the wind having picked up, and it was nice feeling the other’s warmth. If Kuroo noticed him scooting a little closer, he didn’t say anything.</p><p>There had rarely been a quiet moment between them before, Kuroo always seemed eager to fill the silence in any way that he could. But this, Kenma thought, this was nice. Just sitting next to each other. Not having to worry about what to say or how to react. Just <em>being</em>.</p><p>“Oh, look,” Kuroo whispered after a while, pointing up into the sky with a finger.</p><p>Snow was falling. The white flakes slowly floated to the ground, melting as soon as they touched down because it still wasn’t cold enough for them to stay.</p><p>“Pretty,” he said, just as quietly.</p><p>Kuroo looked at him then, his eyes filled with an emotion that Kenma couldn’t place. His grip around his hand tightened, and for a moment Kenma was sure he was going to say something, but then Kuroo just smiled softly and turned his head back towards the sky, stretching out his tongue to catch a snowflake on it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter was beta read by @paradoxicalpsychic on tumblr &lt;3</p><p>i figured we could all use some fluff after the last chapter, so i hope you enjoyed this kuroken scene :)  as i've mentioned before, this is a slow burn, and i really meant that - it's still going to take quite a while for them to actually get together (but i hope this won't discourage you from reading. i promise it'll be worth the wait)</p><p> </p><p>this story is part of the <a href="https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject">llf comment project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. this author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p><ul>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Something had changed after that day they held hands in the park as they watched the snow fall, but Kenma wasn’t sure what exactly was different now, or <em>why</em>.</p><p>Kuroo was staring at him over the rim of his coffee cup, perched on one of the stools in front of the counter. His expression was relaxed, almost looking soft if it hadn’t been for the fresh cut below his left cheekbone. (“<em>You should see the other guy</em>”, he had told Kenma who could only roll his eyes). He watched attentively as Kenma poured the milk into a fresh cup, quietly humming along to the song playing on the radio.</p><p>It was distracting, to say the least. Kenma felt very small under Kuroo’s gaze, as his every move was probably silently judged. He didn’t really need to focus on the separate steps when he made drinks anymore, but the thought of Kuroo witnessing him messing up stirred unpleasant feelings somewhere deep inside of him, and he found himself contemplating every movement.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, um, excuse me?”</p><p>He instinctively glanced up from the cup, only to realize that the question hadn’t been directed at him and he immediately prayed that his bangs had hidden the motion.</p><p>A young girl was standing next to Kuroo, playing with her fingers and rocking back and forth on her heels. Her black hair had small flowers braided into it and the circular glasses made her orange eyes appear even bigger. There were more flowers embroidered onto her red dress.</p><p>She was cute.</p><p>Kuroo set down his coffee cup, swiveling around to face her. Giving her a blinding smile that exposed his pointy teeth, he said, “How may I help you?”</p><p>She blushed. “Could I—um, could I sit with you, maybe?” Hopeful, she glanced up at him, her eyelashes fluttering prettily.</p><p>“Of course!” He pulled out the chair to his left slightly, motioning for her to sit down.</p><p>A tap on his shoulder reminded Kenma that he still had an order to finish. Sugawara entered his field of vision, giving him a small smile. “Kuroo can be very distracting, don’t you think?” When Kenma narrowed his eyebrows in confusion, he just chuckled and gave him a small pat on the back.</p><p>It wasn’t like Kenma was <em>trying</em> to eavesdrop. But Kuroo had a very loud voice, and they were right there in front of him, so it was hard <em>not</em> to listen. The conversation wasn’t even particularly interesting, they only made small talk, occasionally exchanging jokes and compliments. Kenma had almost managed to tune them out when the girl said, “I think I have to get going. It was nice talking to you!” She got off the stool, her heels clicking softly as they met the floor. “Would you like to meet again for coffee some time? This Friday, maybe?”</p><p>Kuroo contemplated the offer for a moment. “I’m already going out with some friends, but you’re welcome to join us.”</p><p>The girl chuckled nervously. “I was actually thinking just the two of us. Like, a date?”</p><p>Sugawara snorted quietly at that.</p><p>“I’m sorry, but I’m not really interested in dating at the moment.” When Kenma glanced at him, Kuroo did look genuinely sorry.</p><p>“O-oh.” Her smile faltered. “That’s alright, I understand. Well, I hope you have a nice rest of the day, anyway.”</p><p>Once she had left through the front door, Sugawara made a disapproving noise. “So mean, Kuroo. Why did you flirt with her if you were going to shoot her down like that?”</p><p>“How was I supposed to know that she’d ask me out? And in any case, I wasn’t even flirting.”</p><p>Sugawara rolled his eyes. “Your stupidity never fails to amaze me.”  </p><p>“Oi, Suga!” Kuroo batted at him half-heartedly, but the other man easily dodged his hand, leaving the space behind the counter to carry a tray over to a group of elderly ladies.</p><p> </p><p>Kenma would have assumed that Kuroo not being there for once would make for a quiet, nice day. As it turned out, he had been mistaken.</p><p>He kept glancing at the door every time the bell jingled, kept hoping to see the black bedhead or his signature leather jacket. But every time he thought to have caught a glimpse of the demon, it turned out to be just another customer.</p><p>Around two in the afternoon, Suga took off his apron, folding it neatly in half and throwing it over his arm. “I have to go out for a while, but I trust you to take care of everything. If anything happens that you don’t know how to deal with, you have permission to close for the night. Just let Daichi know. But I doubt it’ll come to that, anyway.” He smiled at him reassuringly. “So, take good care of our customers. I’ll be back after dinner.” With these words, he gave Kenma a one-armed hug and slipped away.</p><p>It had been a while since he had last been completely on his own in the café. After Kuroo’s birthday, it had taken a while for Sugawara to let him work full time again, and he had never left unless Ennoshita or Kuroo were there to keep an eye on Kenma. He knew that they meant well and wanted him to feel safe, but sometimes it felt like he was simply being watched by them. As if they were analyzing his moves, looking for some kind of sign. But perhaps he was just feeling a bit more anxious after the whole… ordeal. It made sense; Sugawara had told him that traumatic events could cause anxiety in people who didn’t usually experience it, so it might be even worse for him.</p><p>They weren’t <em>watching</em> him. Kuroo simply followed his movements when he made coffee because his hands were right in front of him, Sugawara kept an eye on him to make sure he didn’t mess up any orders, and Ennoshita only dealt with customers instead of making drinks, so when there was nothing to do, of course he looked at Kenma instead of staring into empty space.</p><p>Kenma just needed to ignore the annoying feeling in his gut.</p><p> </p><p>Time passed slowly. There was a constant stream of customers to keep him busy, but every time he checked the clock above the door, he realized with growing frustration that only a few minutes had passed.</p><p>At half-past three, Shouyou came strolling through the basement door, Kageyama in tow, and ordered a “hot chocolate” with a very obvious wink that he apparently thought the vampire couldn’t see. Kageyama only rolled his eyes and shrugged, though, so Kenma poured a small cup of coffee. He knew from experience that Shouyou on caffeine was even more chaotic than regular Shouyou, so he had begun to at least limit his intake if he couldn’t stop him from drinking it.</p><p>“We’ll be back late tonight, so you don’t have to wait up for me.” He smiled at Kenma and then turned to his partner. “Did you want to order anything? No? Alright, then let’s get going.”</p><p>With a wave and a nod from Shouyou and Kageyama respectively, they left through the front door.</p><p>His gaze lingered on the door. Where was everyone going today? Had he missed something? It was normal for only a handful of people to be here, but he couldn’t remember a time when everyone except for him and Sawamura had been gone. <em>Something</em> was up.</p><p><em>If there’s this many people involved, it’s probably dangerous, so it’s better if you don’t know</em>, his brain supplied very helpfully.</p><p> </p><p>The afternoon went by without any incidents, except for the cup of coffee a young girl accidentally knocked over and that he had to clean up while she apologized profusely, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Kenma tried to smile at her as he insisted it was no problem at all, but it must have looked rather strained because her lip began to wobble and her friend glared at him reproachfully.</p><p>A good ten minutes before six, he announced that they would be closing soon, and the last few customers began to gather up their belongings and file out. Cleaning took him a long time; not only did he have to wipe down all the surfaces and clean out the coffee machine, but he also had to do the dishes that had piled up over the course of the afternoon.</p><p>When Kenma finally left the café, it was close to seven.</p><p>He took a warm shower, changed into a comfortable sweater that still smelled of laundry detergent and trudged into the kitchen for dinner. There were still some fried vegetables left over from the day before that he heated up on the stove, as well as some rice in the cooker that they hadn’t eaten this morning.</p><p>Just when he was about to finish eating, Sawamura entered the kitchen, his steps hurried and his shoulders tense.</p><p>“Kenma,” he said, pulling out a chair opposite of him and sitting down heavily.</p><p>He put down his fork, his appetite suddenly gone and his mouth dry.</p><p>“You have noticed that everyone is out on—” Sawamura struggled to find the right word, cringing slightly as he continued “—<em>missions</em> tonight. We’re the only ones here, at the moment. However, there has been an unexpected turn of events. You’ve met Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, right?”</p><p>He nodded. After that time in the infirmary, he’d seen them once or twice in passing, but they’d never actually talked to each other.</p><p>“Good. They’re surveilling a building tonight because one of the residents has reported hearing suspicious noises from one of the apartments. It would appear that we’re dealing with a case of domestic abuse, and if that <em>is</em> the case, we’ll have to step in to guarantee the victim’s safety. You agree with that, don’t you?”</p><p>Another nod. He wasn’t sure where Sawamura was going with this, and it was making him uneasy. Trying to soothe himself, Kenma pulled his sleeves over his hands and ran his fingers over the inseam.</p><p>“Then you’ll agree that we have to make sure the resident was not mistaken. Which is why Yamaguchi and Tsukishima are keeping an eye on the building tonight. Kinoshita is going to assist them, but in order to watch both the front and back entrance, it is necessary to split into two teams. I would rather not force one of them to spend the night by themselves, staying alert is hardly possible for a single person and it can be quite dangerous to be alone at night – but I’m sure you’re well aware of that.”</p><p>Kenma didn’t like where this was going.</p><p>“So, a fourth person is needed. If anyone else was available, I wouldn’t ask this of you, but as it stands, you are the only person I can trust to complete this task conscientiously. I honestly wish I didn’t have to ask, but I’m simply out of options.” Sawamura let out a defeated sigh. “Kenma. Of course I’ll understand if you don’t want to do this, but please consider it. There might be a person whose life is in danger and whom we can help. If we don’t—the gods know what might happen to them.”</p><p>The thought of someone getting hurt because he had refused to leave his comfort zone for a night made Kenma sick to his stomach. He didn’t want to be responsible for that.</p><p>“I’ll do it,” he found himself saying without hesitation.</p><p>Relief washed over Sawamura's features, and he leaned back in his chair with a sigh, his shoulders relaxing. “Thank you, Kenma. I appreciate this more than you could possibly imagine.” He glanced at the clock. “They’re set to leave at ten, so it would be best if you finished your meal and lay down for a while. Change into some dark clothes, preferably, and make sure to wear enough layers. It’s going to be cold out there tonight. You will meet the others at the backdoor upstairs.”</p><p> </p><p>Yamaguchi greeted him with a bright smile and a wave, his other hand clutching a bundle of fabric that Kenma supposed was a blanket. “Hey, Kenma! Thanks for helping out today, that’s really cool of you.”</p><p>The vampire next to him just scoffed. “It’s not like he actually needs to do anything. We’re all just going to sit around, wasting our time.”</p><p>Kenma’s attention, however, was focused on the ghost standing next to them. He had never met a ghost before, but that was undoubtedly what the young man was. His body appeared almost solid, but the outline of the door behind him was still visible, and everything about him seemed somewhat muted. As if someone had taken a photograph of him and left it out in the sun for too long.</p><p>“Hello, Kenma. It’s nice to meet you. My name is Kinoshita.” His voice was pleasant, deep and warm, even though it seemed to be coming from much farther away than he actually was.</p><p>Kenma mumbled a greeting in return.</p><p>“Are you ready to leave?” Yamaguchi asked, rocking on his heels.</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“Awesome! Are you sure you’ll be warm enough? It’s really freezing out there.”</p><p>“Stop babying him. Let’s just get this over with.”</p><p>“Tsukki! Don’t be so rude. I just don’t want him to catch a cold.” Yamaguchi sighed. “But yeah, you’re right, we should get going. It’s not very far,” he said to Kenma, “just a ten-minute walk or so. We’ll be there in no time at all.”</p><p> </p><p><em>No time at all</em> still felt pretty long to Kenma. For a few minutes, the bickering between Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had been mildly entertaining, at least more than the cracks in the sidewalk, but it soon started to get on his nerves. He wasn’t sure what about it was bothering him, but it made him uneasy. Kinoshita stayed quiet, floating just an inch above the ground. It didn’t look like he was even aware of their conversation.</p><p>A part of him already regretted having agreed to this.</p><p>Dealing with just Yamaguchi was much easier, to his relief. They had settled down on a rooftop after climbing a rusty fire escape latter that shook dangerously under their weight and were now watching the front entrance of a large apartment building. It looked a bit like the one Kenma had lived in.</p><p>“Sorry that we dragged you into this. Usually, these things are super boring. You know, just sitting around and hoping that something happens.” Yamaguchi was sitting on the thin blanket he’d brought, legs crossed in front of him and leaning back onto his hands. He’d offered Kenma to take the first shift (<em>What a weird way to describe this</em>, Kenma had thought) because the second half would be much more exhausting and Kenma wasn’t used to this kind of thing.</p><p>So, he was sitting close to the edge of the roof, gaze focused on the entrance of the building. If he was already here, he might as well do his best to not let anything slip his attention.</p><p>“Do you mind if I smoke?” Yamaguchi asked after a few minutes of silence.</p><p>The idea of sitting in a cloud of cigarette smoke was anything but appealing, but Kenma didn’t want to say <em>no</em> either, so he settled on a noncommittal “Hm.”</p><p>“Alright. Cool.”</p><p>He could hear fabric rustling, then a box being flipped open. A soft click and sparks lit up the night, igniting the end of the cigarette held loosely between Yamaguchi’s fingers. He took a drag, then exhaled slowly. The smoke was barely visible in the low light. From the corner of his eye, Kenma watched as the boy lifted the cigarette to his mouth, his lips wrapping around it as he took another drag.</p><p>Yamaguchi’s eyes met his own.</p><p>Hastily, Kenma turned back to the building, telling himself that the heat crawling up his neck stemmed from having twisted it.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Kenma? Would you mind if I went to get some coffee? There’s a convenience store just down the street. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”</p><p>“…Sure.”</p><p>“Cool. Be right back, then.” Yamaguchi got up, brushing dust off his pants, and made his way across the rooftop to the ladder.</p><p>It felt weird, being alone here. With Yamaguchi by his side, Kenma had been able to tell himself that he was doing this for a reason. Now, he felt silly. What was he even doing sitting on a roof in the middle of the night, watching a building like he was a spy in an action movie?</p><p>He didn’t know exactly how much time had passed, but it had to have been at least two or three hours, so he doubted that anyone was still awake. So far, there had been no screaming, nor any noise really, and Kenma couldn’t imagine that this would change in the next few hours. In fact, wouldn’t the chance of anything happening get even slimmer as more time passed?</p><p>It wasn’t the only thing that made little sense to him. Why were they watching the building from so far away? Would they even be able to hear anything? And why didn’t they simply go over to the apartment to check if anything was going on? Couldn’t they send someone to see if the residents were alright?</p><p>Going through all of this seemed needlessly complicated. Then again, Sawamura knew more about this kind of thing than he did, and he probably had his reasons.</p><p>Kenma sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, touching his forehead down to his knees. A gust of wind tugged as his hair, and he brushed it behind his ear. It had grown an inch in the past two months, almost reaching down to his shoulders now.</p><p>He remained like this for a moment, then his attention returned to the building across the street.</p><p>A soft clanging of the metal ladder alerted him of Yamaguchi’s arrival before he heard him murmur the words, “I’m back.” Something bumped into his shoulder, and when he turned around, the other boy was holding a can of coffee in his hand.</p><p>“This is garbage compared to the stuff you guys make, but it’s the best you’ll get this late at night.” Yamaguchi let himself fall to the ground gracelessly and opened the can, taking a sip and immediately cringing at the taste. “This is actually worse than I remembered.”</p><p>Kenma fumbled with the tab for a moment, then lifted the can and let some of the liquid pour into his mouth. Drinking from a can was much harder than he’d thought; it always looked so easy when other people did it.</p><p>As soon as the coffee touched his tongue, he could feel his entire body recoiling. “This is disgusting,” he choked out after forcing himself to swallow.</p><p>Yamaguchi grinned at him. “Warned ya. But the caffeine will keep you awake, so you should drink it anyway.”</p><p>His stomach screamed at him when he took another gulp, but Yamaguchi was right, he did need the caffeine. This was going to be an annoyingly long night.</p><p> </p><p>After another hour, Yamaguchi tapped his shoulder and told him he could lie down now, he’d cover the rest of the night. “Nap if you feel like it. Trust me, you’ll be grateful tomorrow,” he said.</p><p>Kenma wouldn’t have been able to sleep on a rooftop even if he’d wanted to. He believed that Yamaguchi wouldn’t try to attack him or anything while he was unconscious, but he didn’t quite trust him to protect him if anything happened, either. Then there were the nightmares—with Shouyou by his side they had been bearable, but he hadn’t tried sleeping on his own since that night he’d shown up in front of the other’s door.</p><p>So, Kenma opted to watch the stars, and the clouds slowly creeping across the sky, occasionally shrouding them in darkness that was only disrupted by the soft glowing of the cigarettes Yamaguchi smoked.</p><p> </p><p>It was close to five in the morning when they rolled up the blanket and gathered the empty coffee cans, before climbing down the fire escape ladder. They met Tsukishima and Kinoshita in front of a closed-down building next to the convenience store, where Yamaguchi threw their trash into a dumpster and then stood next to Tsukishima.</p><p>“Ready to go home?” he asked, a tired smile on his face.</p><p>“I’ll sleep until dinner,” the vampire replied and set off in the direction they’d come from hours before.</p><p>They insisted on walking Kenma to the backdoor of the café, and Yamaguchi gave him a one-armed hug when they said goodbye. He smelled like the countless cigarettes he’d smoked, but it was strangely comforting.</p><p>When Kenma finally stumbled into his bedroom, all he wanted to do was collapse onto the soft mattress and sleep for at least twelve hours. He’d almost forgotten about Shouyou. The boy was curled up under the covers, his face relaxed and his hair splayed out around him. It made him look even younger than he was.</p><p>He shrugged off his hoodies and pulled another one out of his dresser before kicking off his shoes and pants. They were dusty from the rooftop and smelled like cigarettes, even though he hadn’t been the one smoking them. Kenma’s eyelids felt incredibly heavy as he turned off the lights and slipped under the blanket next to Shouyou. The other boy didn’t open his eyes, but he instinctively scooted closer to Kenma and wrapped an arm around his waist. He let himself relax into Shouyou, and a few seconds later, he was sound asleep.</p><p> </p><p>The following day was awful. Kenma never felt truly rested, but running on a mere three hours of sleep after staying up all night was even worse. His entire body hurt and his brain felt like someone had put a hammer to it. The only good thing about complete and utter exhaustion was that his brain was too tired to be anxious.</p><p>When Kuroo showed up in the afternoon, he looked just as exhausted; a fresh cut ran over his cheek and he was limping slightly. Kenma asked what had happened, but he just brushed it off and dragged Sugawara into a conversation about a plant on his windowsill that was looking a bit droopy.</p><p>They weren’t the only ones who looked a little worse for wear. When Shouyou had shaken him awake this morning, his eyes were bloodshot and there was a large bruise on his neck. Kageyama had seemed fine physically, but there was a red tinge to his eyes that made them appear almost purple instead of their usual icy blue color. He’d made a mental note to avoid the vampire for that day. Even Sugawara seemed a little bit less cheery than usually.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, the ungodly amounts of caffeine he had consumed over the course of the day finally kicked in when was lying in bed, looking forward to getting his well-deserved eight hours of sleep.</p><p>Shouyou was next to him, one hand placed on his stomach and the other under his pillow, breathing evenly. He’d passed out the moment he’d slipped under his blanket.</p><p>With a sigh, Kenma turned around again, pulling his knees to his chest and curling an arm around his middle. If he just lay there for a few hours, eyes closed and not moving, it would almost be as good as sleeping. His body would feel rested, which was good enough. Except, he didn’t <em>want</em> to lie awake.</p><p>Pushing himself up onto his elbows, Kenma reached for his phone. The screen was too bright, even though he had turned the brightness all the way down, and he quickly put it back under his pillow when Shouyou stirred next to him.</p><p>It was 12:41 am.</p><p>He tapped his fingers against the wall. Should he get up? Maybe someone else was still watching TV or getting a midnight snack. He could join them. Then again, he really needed to sleep, tomorrow would be another long day. Closing his eyes, Kenma lay back down.</p><p> </p><p>The kettle whistled and Kenma quickly took it off the stove, pouring the water into his mug.</p><p>After another twenty minutes, it had become obvious that lying in bed wouldn’t make him relax, so he had decided to make himself some tea.</p><p>He emptied the kettle into the sink, watching the leftover water disappear down the drain, before setting it down on the stovetop to let it cool down. Then he picked up his mug, inhaling the steam that slowly rose up from it, and left the kitchen.</p><p>The corridors were empty and dark, it didn’t look like anyone else was still awake. Their… well, whatever they had been up to, had probably been much more exhausting than just sitting on a rooftop, so Kenma couldn’t blame them.</p><p>Without meaning to, he had started walking in the direction of the communal living room instead of his bedroom, but Kenma supposed he could watch one of the late-night talk shows until he felt sleepy enough to go back to bed.</p><p>The faint sound of voices made him stop in his tracks. Carefully, he continued his way to the open door of the living room and peered inside.</p><p>Sugawara was sitting in one of the armchairs, with shadows under his eyes so dark that they were visible even in the dim light of the table lamp. On the sofa, wrapped up in thick blankets, there was a small blonde girl. She was looking down at something in her lap, a tiny smile on her lips as she stroked it softly with one hand. In the other, she was holding a cup, but the sleeves of her sweater were so long that they reached all the way down to her fingertips, and it made her appear even more fragile.</p><p>Sugawara’s gaze snapped to Kenma. “You’re still awake?” he asked in a soft voice.</p><p>The girl flinched at the same time as Kenma did, her fingers freezing.</p><p>He nodded quickly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. I couldn’t fall asleep.”</p><p>“That’s alright. Would you like to join us?” Then, turning to the girl, he added, “But only if you’re comfortable with it.”</p><p>She nodded, just the slightest tip of her head.</p><p>“This is Yachi,” Sugawara explained as Kenma took a seat in another armchair. “Tanaka found her and brought her here.”</p><p>He tried to smile at her, but she was still looking at the animal in her lap. It was a bat, he realized.</p><p>They sat there for a while, silence engulfing them, thick and comforting like fog covering a field on an early spring morning. Kenma felt himself relaxing into the cushions as the warmth of the tea spread through his body. His eyelids slowly grew heavier, the exhaustion of the day finally tearing through the walls the caffeine had erected around the parts of the brain that were responsible for allowing him to sleep.</p><p>Yachi yawned, and it was a small sound, just like everything about her was, as if she was trying to hide, to duck away from a painful blow. It made Kenma wonder if he had looked like that when he’d first met Sugawara—scared out of his mind.</p><p>“Maybe it’s time we all went to bed,” Sugawara said, pushing himself up and out of the armchair. “I will show you to your room. Don’t worry, it’s not far, I can carry you. You shouldn’t put too much weight on your legs for now.”</p><p>She blushed and turned away as he wrapped his arms around her, effortlessly lifting her into the air and cradling her close to his chest. The blankets shifted and slipped off her left leg, revealing a patchwork of crimson scars, ashen flesh, and rows upon rows of fine white stitches.</p><p>Kenma swallowed heavily; the collar of his shirt suddenly felt very tight around his throat.</p><p>“Please don’t stay up for much longer, it’s detrimental to your health. Goodnight,” Sugawara said as he left the room, pulling the blankets back over Yachi’s leg.</p><p>But the sight of the girl’s wounds had pulled Kenma back into the present. The image was burnt into his retinas, effectively ending his hopes of falling asleep in the next few minutes.</p><p>With a sigh, Kenma got up to fetch the remote. His bones cracked and his entire body protested at the movement, his muscles aching with every step.</p><p>The TV flickered, then the monotonous drawl of a local news anchor filled the room. It was hard to focus on his voice, and Kenma didn’t really care about what he was saying, so it didn’t take long before his thoughts drifted off.</p><p>Even if he could have slept, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. He knew he would dream about Yachi’s leg, of scarred flesh, of burn wounds, of needles and glistening threads. Of knives and flames licking at skin, the stench of singed hair. It was not something he was looking forward to.</p><p>“Two more people were found earlier this evening, both of them deceased. Fujiyama’s body was located behind a local grocery store after having been reported as missing two weeks ago. The second person is yet to be identified as they were found in the river running through the southern half of the city and their features were rendered unrecognizable. The police have not found any indicators that any of the cases are related, although the majority of victims appear to be nymphs. Citizens are encouraged to stay alert and not leave their homes after nightfall.”</p><p>Two images flashed across the screen: One of a dainty-looking woman with sky blue hair and eyes so light they appeared to be white; the other of a body bag on the river bank with policemen inspecting the surrounding area.</p><p><em>People have been going missing lately</em>, Kenma remembered Sawamura saying. There was no doubt in his mind that the second body belonged to another missing person. Evidently, Sawamura’s worry had been justified back when Kenma had tried to leave. He didn’t want to be a corpse in a body bag. He didn’t want to be burned to ashes and dumped on a trash heap. He didn’t want to end like his mom, without a grave nor anyone to visit it.</p><p>Kenma drained his teacup, turned off the TV and went to bed, curling up against Shouyou who wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>we're finally getting to the actual plot :D<br/>i know the whole rooftop thing seems kinda weird but trust me, there's a reason for that (obviously i can't tell you yet, but feel free to tell me your thoughts on this)</p><p>i spent way too much time trying to come up with a name for the river (i didn't want to name it after an existing one) but i still haven't decided, so i ended up not giving it a name at all.. please let me know if you have any ideas</p><p> </p><p>this story is part of the <a>llf comment project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. this author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p><ul>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kenma set down the cup of tea in front of Yachi who instinctively wrapped her hand around the white porcelain.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said quietly, and Kenma couldn’t help but notice that there was no fear in her voice, only gentle appreciation. The bat – <em>Yamaguchi</em>, he corrected himself – curiously lifted his head before he clumsily half-walked, half-crawled towards the cup. With a big smile on her lips, Yachi watched as he hooked his claws over the rim, pulling himself up and peering at the light brown liquid inside.</p>
<p>“You can have some,” she said reassuringly, petting Yamaguchi’s head with the tip of her index finger.</p>
<p>“He could just get his own cup,” Shimizu said, eyeing him disapprovingly from the other side of the table.</p>
<p>“Oh, but I really don’t mind! He’s always very kind, so the least I can do is let him have some tea.” Yachi had started tracing the floral pattern on the cup, and the movement made Kenma realize that he’d been standing frozen in place for a good while.</p>
<p>Shifting his weight to the other leg, he cleared his throat. “Can I get you anything else?”</p>
<p>“This will be all,” Shimizu said, still looking at Yamaguchi.</p>
<p>Kenma’s fingers twitched as he returned to the counter. He knew that Shimizu didn’t dislike him, it had even sounded like there was a gentle edge to her voice, but compared to Shouyou’s sunny demeanor, her rather unemotional and calculating nature seemed very cold, and Kenma found it hard to relax in her presence. Why Yachi got along with her so well, he had no idea.</p>
<p>Ennoshita was leaning against the counter, arms crossed and a scowl on his face. “I can <em>feel</em> how much he enjoys sitting on the table. Just look at him. He knows I can’t really say anything against it when he’s shifted. He’s such a little…” He trailed off, sending a death glare in the direction of Yachi’s table.</p>
<p>Humming in agreement, Kenma picked up the sugar container to put the packets back into neat stacks. It was still hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that the bat was a person and not an animal companion, like he had assumed at first. Before, he hadn’t even known that Yamaguchi was a shifter, which had led to some confusion.</p>
<p>“Anyway,” Ennoshita said and cleared his throat, “Daichi said he wanted to see you. Can you drop by his office after your shift?”</p>
<p>Surprised, Kenma blinked at him. “Sure.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You wanted to see me?” Kenma asked as he closed the door to Sawamura’s office behind himself.</p>
<p>“Ah, Kenma. Take a seat, will you?” Sawamura vaguely gestured towards the chair in front of his desk, eyes locked on the notebook he was writing in. A moment passed, then he screwed his pen shut and put it in the stationery container. He looked up, somehow looking even more tired than just seconds ago, and rested his chin against his propped-up hands.</p>
<p>“I don’t think I’ve taken the time to properly thank you for your help a few nights ago yet. I very much appreciate that you sacrificed a good night’s sleep to make sure someone else was safe. That’s a very noble thing to do.”</p>
<p>Kenma nodded slowly, unsure if he was expected to say something.</p>
<p>With a sigh, Sawamura massaged the bridge of his nose. “I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you for another favor. While I was glad to hear that you didn’t notice anything of concern last time, I believe it is necessary to go back once more, just to make sure that the other night was not an exception from the norm.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” He wasn’t sure what he had expected when he entered the office, but it hadn’t been this. Spending another night out in the cold didn’t sound appealing at all, especially not so soon after the last time, but he couldn’t refuse, either. Kenma wasn’t sure <em>why</em> he couldn’t, but there was a strange, sinking feeling in his gut, telling him that he had to go back to that rooftop or something bad might happen.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said finally.</p>
<p>Sawamura let out a relieved sigh, then smiled at him. “Thank you, Kenma. You’ll meet in the same place as last time, at 10 p.m.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The cold air stung in his nose as Kenma took a deep breath, trying to empty his head.</p>
<p>Light was flowing through his veins, a steady stream of magic. He imagined it pooling in his hand, then leaving his body through his fingertips. Exhaling shakily, Kenma opened his eyes. Green sparks were hovering above his palm, twirling like a swarm of fireflies. He tensed his fingers, pushing the sparks together until they formed a tight orb, shining a little brighter with every beat of his heart.</p>
<p>The familiar pain was returning to his temples, but it was merely an echo of what it had once been, so Kenma ignored it and focused on changing the shape of his magic. He tried to imagine clover growing from the orb’s core, a tiny plant sprouting in his palm. The light flickered.</p>
<p>Kenma tensed his fingers again, forcing the light to obey him, and relief flooded him as green leaves sprouted, absorbing the light and growing rapidly until a small plant was floating in front of him. The last sparks disappeared as it sank down onto his palm.</p>
<p>The moment it touched his skin, the clover crumbled, and nothing but dust remained. Kenma watched as the wind picked it up and carried it over the edge of the roof.</p>
<p>With a small sigh, he lay back, staring up into the sky. Clouds were covering the moon.</p>
<p>As he slid his hand under his head, a strange feeling settled inside his chest, making him feel lightheaded. He closed his eyes, trying to force it to go away, but his brain only seemed to take this as an invitation to let a long-forgotten image of his old kitchen’s ceiling pop into his mind.</p>
<p>With a start, Kenma realized that it was a memory of the day his mother had died.</p>
<p>That night, he had lain on the kitchen floor, staring up at the wallpaper peeling in one of the corners until the sun had disappeared and it had gotten too dark to see. The realization that his mother was <em>gone</em> hadn’t yet sunk in, so he had been left feeling numb and confused and just weirdly empty.</p>
<p>He still couldn’t fully grasp how she could have simply died, just like <em>that</em>. Shouldn’t she have been able to do something, use her magic to protect herself? Wasn’t that what magic was meant for? But maybe she simply hadn’t known how to use it. Maybe she’d repressed it for so long that the idea hadn’t even occurred to her.</p>
<p>A tiny part in the deepest pit of Kenma’s chest wanted to hate her for it. Hate her because she had been so obsessed with hiding her nature that she would rather die than let anyone find out she wasn’t human. But as soon as he’d let the thought slip into his mind, Kenma felt sick to his bones, because how could he blame his mother for dying in a car crash? How had any of it been her fault?</p>
<p>His stomach turned with the feeling of guilt, and Kenma bit the inside of his cheek, hard, until he could taste blood. He needed to stop thinking about this.</p>
<p>He glanced over to Yamaguchi. He had been sitting in the same spot for a while now, eyes locked onto the building in front of them, one hand loosely wrapped around a pair of binoculars lying in his lap, the other holding a cigarette between two fingers.</p>
<p>It felt a bit like they were the only people in the entire world.</p>
<p>He wondered if there was anyone else awake right now. Midnight had passed a while ago, so it was maybe two or three in the morning. Shouyou was probably asleep, splayed out on their bed, clutching his pillow and his mouth slightly parted. He always looked like a child when he slept.</p>
<p>Did Yachi and Yamaguchi sleep together, too? They rarely left each other’s side during the day. Kenma wondered if she was still awake. She always looked so very tired, as if she barely slept at all. Maybe the pain in her legs kept her up. Kenma didn’t dare ask what had happened to Yachi, but it must have been terrible. The image of her legs was still vivid in his mind, no matter how much he wished to forget.</p>
<p>He could only thank the gods that Tanaka had found her; he didn’t even want to imagine what could have happened otherwise. Maybe her body would have been found floating in the river too, her death never to be solved.</p>
<p>The police still hadn’t made any progress in their investigation, they had said on the news last night. So far, they had found a dozen bodies, not even half of the people who were missing. Most of them were nymphs, but that was likely due to the reason that they were easier victims, an officer had said in an interview. He hadn’t looked like he cared much.</p>
<p>Kenma wasn’t sure if the police ever would find out. If it was a serial killer, like a customer had suggested to their companion at the café, they might. However, if there was something else behind it, a different kind of motive, it would be a lot harder to uncover, Kenma thought. You probably had to be involved in it to know, one way or another.</p>
<p>He glanced towards Yamaguchi again. The other man was involved in <em>some</em> kind of illegal business, even if Kenma didn’t want to know what exactly it was he did. They all were, after all, everyone at Karasuno.</p>
<p>Maybe he could ask Yamaguchi about it? He wouldn’t get mad at him for that, would he? He wouldn’t hurt Kenma for something as simple as questions. At least that’s what Kenma wanted to believe.</p>
<p>“Yamaguchi?” he asked, picking at a loose thread on his sweater.</p>
<p>“Hm?”</p>
<p>“I was wondering if you’d heard of… People have been going missing, right?”</p>
<p>Smoke billowed around the man as he exhaled slowly. “Yeah. Hard not to hear about it. Why?”</p>
<p>“The authorities don’t know much about it, do they? On the news they said the police can’t even find out if the cases are related.”</p>
<p>Finally, Yamaguchi turned around, and the orange glow of his cigarette briefly illuminated his face. “Where’re you going with this?” There was a deep crease between his brows, and his eyes were clear and sharp. Kenma forced himself to hold his gaze for a moment, then he looked down at his fingers.</p>
<p>“Do you know anything about it? It’s not that I think you have anything to do with it,” he added hastily, “but maybe you heard something?”</p>
<p>Yamaguchi took his time answering, leaning back onto one hand and watching the smoke dissipate in the air above them. “No, I haven’t heard anything. Don’t particularly care to find out more, either, as long as it doesn’t affect us. Chances are, it’s just some fucked up guy. Does it really matter? You’re safe, if that’s what you’re worried about.”</p>
<p>Kenma hummed quietly, not entirely convinced. Yamaguchi was probably right, but he still couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that had been sitting somewhere deep in his stomach ever since he’d seen that news report.</p>
<p>“You’re tense,” Yamaguchi noticed. He held out his cigarette, offering. “It helps.”</p>
<p>“I’m good, thank you.” He could still remember the hell his mother had gone through trying to quit smoking. Back then, sitting at their kitchen table under the flickering light, she had made him swear that he would never even start.</p>
<p>With a shrug, Yamaguchi took another drag, then turned back towards the building on the other side of the road.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, tell us, what have you been up to?”</p>
<p>Bokuto was looking at him expectantly from their couch, sprawled out with one leg slung over Akaashi’s lap who was sitting next to them.</p>
<p>The night on the rooftop had proven just as inconclusive as the previous one, and had left Kenma just as tired. Kuroo had taken one look at him and invited him over to Akaashi and Bokuto’s apartment, insisting that he deserved an evening off to relax (and ignoring that Kenma could very well do that at Karasuno).</p>
<p>Kenma had been skeptical at first, the memories of the evening at the bar still far too vivid in his mind, but Kuroo had promised that it would be just the four of them. <em>And anyway, I’ll protect you if anything happens. You know I will</em>, he’d said.</p>
<p>It really didn’t make any sense for Kenma to believe him; gods, Kuroo was a <em>demon</em>.</p>
<p>And yet, he found himself in Akaashi and Bokuto’s apartment, sitting on their couch with his legs crossed beneath him and Kuroo beside him, the demon’s arm laid across the headrest so that his hand was mere centimeters away from Kenma’s shoulder. It radiated warmth, familiar and comforting.</p>
<p>“Not much,” Kenma said. “Just working.”</p>
<p>“Working?” Akaashi asked, head tilted in curiosity, then took a sip of his tea.</p>
<p>“Not what you think. But they did let him freeze his ass off on a rooftop,” Kuroo said, rubbing his chin. “Twice.”</p>
<p>Bokuto frowned. “What, really? That’s sad. Would’ve thought they’d let you do more than that.” Then understanding flashed across their face. “Oh, that’s why you smell like smoke, then? Man, I miss doing that. Nothing beats smoking on rooftops, really.”</p>
<p>Kenma shifted in his seat. He’d spent way too much time in the shower, trying to scrub the scent of smoke off his skin, but it had still lingered, no matter how many times he washed his hair.</p>
<p>Completely unaware of Kenma’s discomfort, Kuroo snickered and said, “You always complain about how cold it is after like two minutes. And you try to sit on Akaashi’s lap because the roof is too uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>“Besides the point.”</p>
<p>“It’ll be a mild night tonight,” Akaashi said quietly. “We could go up there if you want.”</p>
<p>Kuroo quickly shook his head, pointing at Kenma, “The whole point of bringing him along was that he wouldn’t have to spend his evening like that. Thought some variety would be good for him.”</p>
<p>“I’d rather stay inside,” Kenma admitted. Inside was safe, after all, and besides, he hadn’t brought an extra sweater and didn’t want to catch a cold.</p>
<p>“Awh, what a shame. I was looking forward to getting some fresh air. We’ve been holed up in here for far too long, don’t you think, Keiji?”</p>
<p>Their partner shrugged. “I don’t mind staying inside. We have a balcony.”</p>
<p>Frowning, Bokuto shook their head. “You know that’s not the same.” They slumped back against the couch, throwing their arms over their head. “I need an adventure!”</p>
<p>“We can go get groceries,” Kuroo suggested. “I’ll cook something for you.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Bokuto’s eyes were <em>sparkling</em>.</p>
<p>Laughing, Kuroo waved a hand through the air. “Sure. I expect a discount, though.”</p>
<p>Kenma wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but Bokuto seemed to understand.</p>
<p>“Sure thing, man. Damn, I’m excited. Can we go now? Right now?”</p>
<p>Kuroo laughed again, shaking his head at his friend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Relief flooded Kenma as the lock on the door clicked and a familiar figure entered the room.</p>
<p>“Keiji! We’re back!” Behind Kuroo, Bokuto pranced into the room, swinging two white plastic bags above his head as if they were trophies he had won.</p>
<p>“I hope you didn’t miss us too much,” Kuroo said jokingly, blissfully unaware of how much Kenma <em>had</em> missed his presence. Spending time with Akaashi hadn’t been bad, per se, but they were both quiet people who didn’t have much to tell each other, and so they had made awkward small talk about the weather and a recipe for apple pie that Akaashi had found a few days prior.  </p>
<p>Bokuto dropped their bags onto the kitchen counter while Kuroo draped his jacket over the backrest of one of the stools, then hopped onto it. With big steps, Bokuto crossed the room to lean over the couch and press a soft kiss to Akaashi’s temple. He leaned into them, tension leaving his body as the corners of his lips turned upwards in a small smile.</p>
<p>Kenma had to look away; he felt like an intruder in this scene of domestic bliss. Instead, he turned to Kuroo, who grinned at him. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, and his lips were chapped. It reminded Kenma of that time Kuroo had asked him if he should kiss his bleeding lips better. Heat spread through his body at the memory, turning into dread as it reached his stomach and Kenma remembered how that night had ended.</p>
<p>He decided to look at his hands instead. They were pale, and scabs and tiny open wounds littered his cuticles because he’d been picking at the skin.</p>
<p>A clattering noise made him turn back to the kitchen. Bokuto had opened one of the cupboards and was rummaging around in it. With a satisfied little sound, they fished out a small pouch.</p>
<p>“Here, try this one. Changed the measurements a bit, Keiji said we should experiment with different percentages.” Bokuto tossed it to Kuroo, and the demon tugged it into a pocket of his leather jacket.</p>
<p>“Thanks!” He grinned, then swiveled around in his chair to face Akaashi and Kenma. “You guys hungry? If I start cooking now, we can have dinner in half an hour or so.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Akaashi was ordered to slice the leeks, and he did so very carefully, making sure all the pieces were the same size.</p>
<p>Snickering, Kuroo poked him with the spatula. “You know, it’ll be a lot faster if you just chop them up. They’re not chemicals.”</p>
<p>“That’s Keiji, though,” Bokuto piped up from the couch. They had draped themself across the entire length of it, one leg dangling over the back and clutching a stuffed owl to their chest. “Never breaks his habits.”</p>
<p>Nodding solemnly, Akaashi finished slicing the leek. “It’s better to take longer than to accidentally kill someone by adding too much or too little of a substance.”</p>
<p>Kuroo sighed. “I know, but these are just leeks. They can’t kill you.”</p>
<p>“Everything can kill you if you eat too much of it.”</p>
<p>“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response. Just give me the leeks.”</p>
<p>Nervously, Kenma glanced at Kuroo. He still didn’t understand what they were talking about, and none of them had bothered to explain it to him. That pouch had been suspicious, too, but he couldn’t simply <em>ask</em> because if they didn’t feel the need to tell him, there was probably a reason for it. Or maybe it was just too obvious to justify an explanation and Kenma was too stupid or naïve to understand. He didn’t want the others to think of him that way.</p>
<p>“I could easily kill you if I wanted to,” Akaashi said casually as he handed Kuroo his cutting board. The demon just laughed.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, he’s joking,” Bokuto whispered loudly.</p>
<p>Confused, Kenma tilted his head, but instead of giving him an explanation, Bokuto just quickly glanced at Kuroo.</p>
<p>The demon quietly turned off the water, then fished for the kitchen towel to dry the knife he’d just washed. Leaning against the counter with his back, he carefully wiped down the blade and said nonchalantly, “Akaashi and Bokuto sell drugs.”</p>
<p>Akaashi sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, frowning. “If you want to put it into very simple terms, yes. That is what we do. You know about Karasuno, Kenma? Kou and I are associated with another group, Fukuroudani.”</p>
<p>It made sense, really. Kenma found he wasn’t all that surprised—which was more shocking to him than the revelation itself. How could he so easily accept that Akaashi openly admitted to being a criminal? And did that make Kenma a criminal too, by association? But then again, it probably didn’t make a difference anymore, with him working for Karasuno.</p>
<p>So, he simply nodded. There was nothing he could’ve done besides accepting it and moving on, anyway.</p>
<p>“Woah, you took this a lot better than I would’ve expected you to,” Bokuto said. Then, turning to Kuroo, they added, “See, I told you there’s no reason to worry.”</p>
<p>The demon shrugged. “Eh, better safe than sorry.”</p>
<p>“You just told me that I didn’t need to be safe with the leeks.”</p>
<p>“You’re terrible, Akaashi.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were sprawled out on the couches again after dinner, stomachs comfortably full. Bokuto was curled up next to Akaashi, head resting on his lap, and Akaashi was carding his fingers through their hair.</p>
<p>Kuroo was sitting next to Kenma, perhaps a bit closer than would have been necessary, but he didn’t mind. The demon was warm, and whenever he moved, his tail would brush against Kenma’s hand, sending goosebumps down his arms. It made it hard to focus on their conversation, although he wasn’t quite sure <em>why</em>.</p>
<p>“And anyway, I thought to myself, how hard could it be to get my hands on some of it? Well, turns out, it’s <em>really fucking hard</em>. A whole bunch of people have been asking me for it and there’s honestly nothing more frustrating than having to admit that I have no idea how to get that shit! Fuck, no one even knows what exactly it is. Makes things a hell of a lot more complicated.” Bokuto sighed heavily. “I don’t even know who’s selling it. It’s no one from Fukuroudani, that’s for sure. Doesn’t really feel like an Inarizaki thing, either. They’re not stupid enough for that. We got our shit sorted out, they wouldn’t risk it.”</p>
<p>“Probably someone new, then,” Kuroo said.</p>
<p>“Most likely,” Akaashi agreed. “Which is why it’s crucial to identify them as quickly as possible. They need to be annihilated before they can gain control over any of our sectors.”</p>
<p>“Ushiwaka might know.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but you know what Shiratorizawa’s like. You guys don’t ask them for favors either if you can avoid it.”</p>
<p>Kuroo tilted his head, considering. “Fair enough.”</p>
<p>“It’s not our decision, though. In the end, we’re nothing more than foot soldiers.”</p>
<p>“Keiji,” Bokuto groaned, pressing their hands into the man’s face, “You know that’s not true!”</p>
<p>Kenma couldn’t help but smile at their antics. He didn’t mind that they weren’t including him in their conversation, it was nice to be able to tune out their voices every once in a while and simply relax. With Kuroo’s warmth serving as a constant reminder of his presence, he felt safe, and his mind was pleasantly empty. The tiredness was slowly catching up to him, too, and he found it increasingly harder to keep his eyes open.</p>
<p>He almost fell off the couch when Kuroo stabbed his elbow between Kenma’s ribs. “Hey, you doing alright? You’ve been quiet.”</p>
<p>“Yeah man,” Bokuto chimed in, propping themself up on their elbows, “Let us know if you’re uncomfortable. We can talk about something else if this is boring.”</p>
<p>Rubbing his ribs, he quickly shook his head. “No, it’s alright. I don’t mind.”</p>
<p>Kuroo eyes him skeptically. “You sure?”</p>
<p>He nodded. “I’m just a bit tired.”</p>
<p>“Would you like to go home?” Kuroo asked, eyebrows slightly furrowed in what looked like concern.  </p>
<p>“No, really, it’s fine.” He could feel his hands beginning to shake, so he curled them into fists and pressed them into the cushions on either side of his legs.</p>
<p>Kuroo’s fingers gently brushed against Kenma’s, a moment so fleeting that he wasn’t sure if it had happened at all. “Let me know if you do want to go home, though, alright?”  </p>
<p>He nodded, trying to give Kuroo a reassuring smile.</p>
<p>“Can I offer you a blanket?” Akaashi asked.</p>
<p>Kenma was about to decline the offer when Kuroo spoke up. “Good idea. That way, if you do fall asleep, at least you’ll be warm.”</p>
<p>He hesitated for a moment. “I don’t want to inconvenience you.” </p>
<p>“It’s no problem at all,” Akaashi said, gently pushing Bokuto off his lap and reaching for the blanket lying next to them. Unfolding it, he crossed the living room and handed it to Kenma who took it with a quiet “Thank you.”</p>
<p>He spread the blanket over himself as he curled up on the couch, pulling it all the way up to his chin and tucking it under his feet. The others had returned to their conversation, but Kenma wasn’t quite able to follow it. So, he simply scooted a bit closer to the comfortable warmth that was Kuroo and relaxed into the back of the couch. A yawn escaped him. He was so<em> tired</em>, and his eyelids felt so<em> heavy</em>.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><em>Startled, Kenma reached up to his face. There were tears running down his cheeks, leaving hot blisters in their trail. He traced them with his fingers, smearing red across his nose. His body trembled as the smell of rust reached his nose. Slowly, he opened his mouth, stretching out his tongue to lap at the blood on his fingers. Never before had he tasted anything so </em>divine<em>. Warmth pooled in his stomach. More. He needed more. Oh, how he longed for </em>more. <em>The velvet-smooth texture coating his skin. The flesh parting beneath his claws. The screams, sweeter than any serenade. He felt laughter bubbling up inside of him, squeezing the air from his lungs. Kenma had never felt so utterly </em>delighted<em>. He couldn’t wait to—</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Kenma? Hey. It’s time to wake up. We’re going home.”</p>
<p>Blinking slowly, Kenma ran his tongue over the roof of his mouth. <em>Dry</em>. Why did that surprise him? There was something at the back of his mind, the hint of a memory, but the harder he tried to grasp it, the further away it seemed to fade. Had he dreamed of something?</p>
<p>A hand gently squeezed his shoulder. “You awake now?”</p>
<p>“Hm?” His brain felt weird, and he didn’t want to open his eyes. He was still so incredibly tired.</p>
<p>“Time to go home,” Kuroo repeated. He tugged on the blanket, and Kenma realized that he was holding it in a death grip. He let go. Kuroo helped him up, keeping a steadying hand on his shoulder as Kenma yawned and stumbled over his own feet.</p>
<p>With a light chuckle, Kuroo tightened his grip on his shoulder. “Careful.”</p>
<p>He nodded, rubbing his eyes.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you won’t fall asleep on me?”</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Kenma mumbled, although he felt like he could pass out on the spot.  </p>
<p>They said goodbye to Akaashi and Bokuto in the hallway, and Kenma could only hope that he had remembered to thank them for their hospitality. Somehow, they made it down the stairs and onto the street, but Kenma had a hard time focusing on anything beyond keeping his legs moving and his eyes open.</p>
<p>The first lungful of December air came as a shock, sharpening his senses, but the tiredness quickly settled back in. He almost walked into Kuroo when the demon came to a halt in the middle of the sidewalk. Burying his chin further into his collar, Kenma glanced up at him, squinting at the expression on his face. Was it concern? It might have been. He was too tired to tell.</p>
<p>“Something wrong?” he asked Kuroo when the other made no move to continue walking.</p>
<p>“You’re exhausted,” he stated.</p>
<p>Kenma nodded slowly. He really was.</p>
<p>“You can barely keep your eyes open.” Kuroo was frowning now. “Let me carry you.”</p>
<p>Kenma was too tired to even question his intentions. He simply nodded and let Kuroo pull him onto his back, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck and his legs around his middle. Kuroo was warm, almost like a hot-water bottle. He could feel himself relaxing into the demon, and his eyelids grew heavier and heavier.</p>
<p>When they passed another shop with boarded-up windows, Kenma turned his head where it was resting on Kuroo’s shoulder to look up at the sky. It was dark around them, so the stars shone brightly, millions of them forming intrinsic patterns that Kenma had wanted to learn about as a child but never got the chance to. He should ask Sugawara for a book on astronomy, he thought idly.</p>
<p>Closing his eyes, Kenma nuzzled his cheek into Kuroo’s shoulder. He felt safe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i know this is two days late and i'm sorry but i was super busy with exams. fortunately, i only have one more week of classes and then final exams in late april, so i'll (probably) have more time to write. </p>
<p>i hope you enjoyed this chapter! </p>
<p>as always, this was beta read by @paradoxicalpsychic</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw: panic attack</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kenma squinted. Something was moving down there.</p>
<p>It was the third night in a row they were spending on the rooftop, and it was beginning to feel like a routine. Yamaguchi would pick him up at ten and they’d walk down the streets, sometimes in silence and sometimes talking about their days (and complaining about Tsukishima, in Yamaguchi’s case). They would climb the rusty ladder that, to Kenma’s surprise, had not fallen apart yet and then sit on the rooftop until the city beneath them began to wake, Yamaguchi smoking one cigarette after the other and Kenma occasionally practicing his magic or staring up into the sky when he wasn’t watching the area.</p>
<p>Not taking his eyes off the figure in the dark, Kenma motioned for Yamaguchi to join him at the edge of the rooftop. The boy moved soundlessly, settling next to him in a crouch. From the corner of his eye, Kenma watched as Yamaguchi’s posture changed when his eyes found the figure; his back straightened, his muscles tensed and he stubbed out his cigarette with one hand as the other flew to his phone and he began to type something, not looking at it.</p>
<p>The figure on the street was walking fast, not wavering in their silent step, staring straight ahead. They were wearing a coat that billowed around their legs, and for the briefest moment, Kenma thought he’d glimpsed scales on their skin as they passed a streetlight.</p>
<p>His heart was suddenly beating violently in his chest, drumming in his ears so loudly that Kenma feared the figure might hear it. There was a strange feeling in his chest, twisting and tangling like a ball of yarn that had come to life, pressing against his lungs and stomach. He felt… <em>excited</em>. It was a strange realization. Kenma had thought he would be nervous, expectant maybe. But he felt <em>giddy</em>.</p>
<p>Kenma’s fingers twitched as the figure came to a halt in front of the building they’d been watching. For the first time, the figure turned to look down the street in both directions before they pushed the door open in one swift motion, entering the apartment complex.</p>
<p>With bated breath, he waited for the door to close, then Kenma spun around to the other boy. “Do you think that’s our guy?”</p>
<p>Yamaguchi bit his lip, weighing his head. “Seems unlikely. Chances are, it’s just some guy coming home late. It is a Saturday night, after all.”</p>
<p>“But you notified Tsukishima?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Better safe than sorry, y’know? Doesn’t hurt to be careful.” He was already pulling out his pack of cigarettes again, but his fingers looked oddly stiff as they tapped the box. “I didn’t get a good look at his face, but I don’t think he looks like the guy we’re looking for. Was a bit too tall.”</p>
<p>Yamaguchi carelessly dropped the pack, a new cigarette between his fingers now, and fumbled for his lighter. “Man, in times like this I really wish I were a demon.” He laughed mirthlessly. “Wouldn’t have to bother with this shit…”</p>
<p>With a quiet hum, he placed the cigarette between his lips, then lifted his lighter, shielding it from the slight breeze that had picked up with his hand. It clicked softly, once, twice, then the cigarette ignited and Yamaguchi let out a sigh. Leaning back onto one hand, he inhaled deeply, closing his eyes.</p>
<p>Mesmerized, Kenma watched as the boy pulled out his hair tie with the other hand, undoing the ponytail and letting his hair fall over the shaved sides. Yamaguchi was <em>pretty</em>. He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t noticed that before, when he had been spending so much time with him, lately.</p>
<p>Yamaguchi cracked one eye open. “You’re staring,” he said, then laughed as Kenma blushed.</p>
<p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, dude. Not much else to look at, anyway.” He pointed at the pack of cigarettes next to him. “Want one? I don’t mind sharing.”</p>
<p>Oh. Relief flooded through Kenma. Yamaguchi thought he wanted to smoke. He hadn’t realized that Kenma was staring because he wanted… Irritated, he stopped that train of thought. What a strange thing to think. His mind should <em>not</em> be going there.</p>
<p>“I don’t smoke,” he told the other boy.</p>
<p>“I’ll teach you.”</p>
<p>Shaking his head, Kenma wrapped his arms around his knees, resting his chin on top of them. “Another time maybe.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rubbing his eyes, Kenma turned around a corner. Getting only four hours of sleep a night was taking its toll on him, and the nightmares prevented him from getting any actual rest, so he usually woke up feeling even more tired than before he had gone to bed. The only good thing about getting so little sleep was that he was too exhausted to remember his dreams.</p>
<p>Were it not for the ungodly amounts of caffeine he’d been consuming, Kenma would have fallen asleep on his way to the kitchen – where he was headed to pour himself another cup of coffee.</p>
<p>“Careful there!”</p>
<p>Immediately, Kenma tripped over his own feet, barely managing to regain his balance before he could land face-first on the floor. He turned around, finding nothing but empty space around him, before he looked down into the face of a <em>pixie</em>.</p>
<p>Kenma had met a lot of pixies over the course of his life, most of them working in apothecaries or bookstores or other customer service positions because they liked to help people and could easily reach high shelves with their wings. He also knew that some of them refused to bow to humans and instead hurt them and stole from them. But he had never seen a pixie <em>dripping</em> <em>with blood</em>.</p>
<p>The pixie grinned at him, stretching out a dirty hand. “I’m Yaku. We haven’t met before, have we?”</p>
<p>Slowly, Kenma shook his head, unable to tear his gaze away from Yaku’s long fingernails. There was something under them, and it appeared to be more solid than blood. His stomach turned at the sight, the heavy scent of rust in the air.</p>
<p>Memories of a forgotten dream flashed through his mind; blood running down his throat, claws digging into a body, pure ecstasy and desire. Kenma had to bite his tongue hard to stop himself from gagging, and tears welled up in his eyes.</p>
<p>“What’s your name?” Yaku asked, raising his eyebrows expectantly.</p>
<p>“Kenma,” he choked out, his throat tight. He couldn’t bring himself to grasp the pixie’s hand.</p>
<p>Yaku followed his gaze with curiosity, laughing as he seemed to remember that he looked like he had just slaughtered a dozen people. “Ah, sorry about that. I was actually on my way to change into some fresh clothes. You know how it is, sometimes you need to get your hands dirty.”</p>
<p>The lopsided grin on his face made a shiver run down Kenma’s spine.</p>
<p>“Don’t talk much, do you? Well, I’ll see you around, then. Let me know if Kuroo ever gets on your nerves and I’ll have a word with him.”</p>
<p>Happily whistling, he walked around Kenma, heading down the corridor in the direction Kenma had just come from. </p>
<p>Even after Yaku had disappeared and he could no longer hear the cheery melody of his whistling, Kenma stood frozen in the corridor, staring after him. His mind felt weirdly empty, as if someone had pressed the pause button on a remote, bringing his thoughts to a halt.</p>
<p>After what could only have been hours, Kenma took a shuddering breath, collapsing in a heap on the floor. His head was spinning, his entire body was shaking violently, he couldn’t see anything because tears were blurring his vision, his heart was pounding, his head hit the floor with a soft <em>thump</em>.</p>
<p>He dug his nails into his palms, trying to force himself to calm down, but every breath hurt like a punch to his guts. He needed to get up, he needed to move, he couldn’t stay here. But his body refused to listen to him, and Kenma couldn’t get the <em>blood</em> out of his head, all that blood on Yaku and all the blood on <em>him </em>and his hands and in his throat and oh gods, he was turning into a monster, wasn’t he?</p>
<p>All these years he had tried to be human, his mother had done everything to give him the chance to have a normal life—and now he had thrown it all away, and for what? To make friends with stalkers and thieves and murderers?</p>
<p>Just <em>what the hell</em> was he doing here, working in the coffee shop as if he didn’t know it was just a front for whatever crimes Sugawara and Sawamura and all the others were committing? As if he wasn’t just as guilty as them, watching that building every other goddamn night, looking for the-gods-knew-what, because there was <em>no way</em> the story Sawamura had told him about a domestic abuse victim was true. If it was, they would not waste their time sitting on the rooftop across the street, because they wouldn’t be able to notice anything <em>at all</em> from there.</p>
<p>And yet, he went along with it, telling himself that Sawamura had his reasons, that he needed to trust them, and the worst part was that he didn’t even <em>care</em>. He didn’t care what they were doing, he didn’t care that they were hurting people, he didn’t care that he was ignoring all the obvious signs that things were <em>wrong</em> and he didn’t care that he wasn’t human.</p>
<p>He was just <em>tired</em>. He was tired and desperate and sick of thinking about everything and he just wanted to <em>sleep</em>.</p>
<p>With a choked sob, Kenma opened his mouth, gasping for air because snot was running down his face. His fingers twitched as he wiped his nose and eyes, but the tears just kept coming. Pressing his eyes shut, Kenma forced himself to take a deep breath.</p>
<p>Had he really sunk so low? Crying on the floor, wallowing in self-pity? This wasn’t the kind of person he wanted to be. He had made a decision, he had told Shouyou that he wanted to stay. And that hadn’t changed. No one was forcing him to do anything, he was free to leave at any time. As long as he wasn’t hurting anyone, he was still a good person.</p>
<p>He wiped his face again. He needed to get up. Get some coffee. Take a shower, probably.</p>
<p>Kenma took another deep breath, then another, and another. He could do this. He was going to be okay.</p>
<p>It took him a minute of focusing on his breath before he found the strength in his arms to push himself up, and his legs were still shaking when he finally continued down the corridor towards the kitchen. In his mind, Kenma kept repeating one sentence: <em>I will be okay</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Kenma strolled into the café the following morning, the shutters were still closed, and only the lamp above the counter was turned on. Ennoshita and Kageyama were sitting at one of the tables, a bottle and two half-emptied glasses in front of them.</p>
<p>“We’re closed today,” Ennoshita announced with a gravelly voice. “Come sit down.”</p>
<p>Hesitantly, Kenma shrugged off his apron, balling it up as he walked over to them. With a nod, he thanked Ennoshita for pulling out a chair for him, and sat down, drawing his legs up onto the seat and placing the apron in his lap.</p>
<p>The atmosphere in the room was tense; there was obviously something wrong but Kenma didn’t dare break the silence. Kageyama’s glass scraped against the table as he lifted it and threw back the liquid inside, eyes closed and knuckles white. When he opened his eyes, they were crimson with bloodlust.</p>
<p>“Have you been watching the news?” Ennoshita said, fingers dancing across the rim of his glass. “People have been going missing for a while now. There’s <em>always</em> people disappearing around these parts of town. So far, it’s mostly been civilians, and while that’s tragic, it doesn’t concern us much. It’s just something that happens.” He took a swig of his drink. “However, it <em>does</em> concern us if it’s one of our own.”</p>
<p>Dread settled in the pit of his stomach and a lump formed in Kenma’s throat.</p>
<p>“Tora’s sister disappeared two days ago. I don’t know if they specifically picked her, or if she was unlucky enough to just be <em>there</em>. Fact is, she’s gone, and we have to get her back.” He looked up, his eyes dark with determination.</p>
<p>Kageyama growled and poured himself another glass. “It doesn’t matter <em>why</em> Akane disappeared. We can’t let them get away with this shit.”</p>
<p>Ennoshita shook his head, then sighed. “We’ll find her. Daichi is going to focus on this from now on, I’m sure.”</p>
<p>“He better.”</p>
<p>The following silence was uncomfortable. Kenma didn’t know where to look or what to say, and he had nothing to busy his hands with except for the apron. He desperately wanted to be somewhere else, but it took him four minutes of staring at the clock to work up the courage to excuse himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a satisfied hum, Kenma buried himself deeper into his blanket. The scent of his herbal tea filled the room, and there was soft music playing over his phone.</p>
<p>Earlier, he had found Sugawara in the library and asked him for a book on constellations. The older man had been delighted, excitedly telling Kenma about how Sawamura used to go stargazing with him and how romantic that had been. It had felt a bit weird; the images of Sugawara as a smitten boyfriend and ruthless criminal didn’t fit together. But Kenma forced himself to remember that the man in front of him would never be just one of the two. And he himself wasn’t entirely innocent anymore either, was he? He was already guilty by association, so he might as well try to make the best of it.</p>
<p>The page rustled quietly as he turned it, opening another illustration of the night sky. In the center, there was Orion, and each of its stars was labeled in a fine print. Kenma squinted, trying to read the names. <em>Rigel</em>,<em> Saiph</em>,<em> Bellatrix</em>. They looked so strange to him, but beautiful all the same.</p>
<p>He took a sip of his tea, closing his eyes as warmth spread through him. It felt good, being able to spend an evening in his bed, not having to worry about the cold and the building across the street (and Yamaguchi). Sawamura had called Kenma into his office a bit after he’d left the café to tell him that from now on, they would focus on different matters and that he wouldn’t need to go back to the rooftop anymore – just like Ennoshita had predicted.</p>
<p>Setting the cup back down on his nightstand, Kenma turned another page in his book. He had enjoyed spending his nights with Yamaguchi, even if the smell of his cigarettes had been following him persistently no matter how many showers he took. The stars had seemed so close from up there, as if Kenma could touch them if he just reached out his hand far enough. Down here, the only thing he could look up to was the grey concrete ceiling.</p>
<p>He was about to take another sip of his tea when the door flew open, and he almost dropped his book.</p>
<p>Shouyou stood in the doorway. For a moment, he was frozen, his entire body shaking with heavy breaths, then he slammed the door shut behind him. He sniffled as he crossed the room with long steps, struggling to tear off his too-large sweater. When his head finally appeared again, his face looked red and blotchy, and to Kenma’s horror, there were tears streaming from his eyes.</p>
<p>With much more force than necessary, Shouyou tossed the sweater into a corner before he jumped onto the bed and buried his face in his pillow.</p>
<p>“Shouyou?” Kenma snapped his book shut, putting it on the nightstand, and carefully placed his hand on the other’s shoulder blade. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>The boy groaned. “He’s so fucking stupid! I <em>hate</em> him.” His voice came out muffled. </p>
<p>“Kageyama?” he guessed. “What did he do?”</p>
<p>Turning his head, Shouyou looked at him. The expression on his face made Kenma’s heart sink. He had never seen him look so utterly devastated, eyes wide and bloodshot and devoid of any hope, lips quivering and chapped, skin pale and hair sticking to his forehead. He sniffled again.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Kenma repeated, but it came out as merely a whisper.</p>
<p>Shouyou whimpered. “Nothing. No, Kenma, you don’t <em>understand</em>. Nothing ever happens. It doesn’t matter what I do, he just doesn’t get it.” Turning onto his back, he wiped his face. “I like him, Kenma. I like him <em>so much</em> it literally hurts. Right here,” he said, clutching his hand into his shirt right where his heart was. “And it’s so strange, you know? It’s Kageyama. There’s nothing lovable about him. He’s always so… so angry and grumpy and he frowns all the time!”</p>
<p>Grunting in frustration, he hit the mattress with his fists. “I didn’t even know I liked guys! Because girls are so pretty, you know? With their soft hair and warm smiles and—and Kageyama’s not pretty at all! But he’s still so attractive, and it’s so <em>unfair</em>. He’s tall and his hands are stupidly soft because he uses his dumb lotions and he always keeps his nails short and <em>gods</em> have you seen his back?”</p>
<p>Shouyou fell silent after that, groaning loudly and ruffling through his own hair.</p>
<p>“It’s really not fair,” he repeated quietly after a moment. “He makes me feel all <em>fwoosh</em> and he lets me wear his sweaters and they smell so nice even though he needs to use that icky soap to get out the stains—I bet he uses fabric softener. And sometimes he even sends me <em>cat pictures</em>, so I thought he might know but he still doesn’t get it. Kenma, how can he not <em>get it</em>?”</p>
<p>Tears welled up in Shouyou’s eyes again. “I guess it makes sense, though. He really hated me at first, you know? It took me so long to even be friends with him. That’s why I always tried to hide it. I didn’t want to ruin what we had. I thought maybe it would be enough to work with him, to spend time with him. But the feelings never went away, no matter how hard I tried <em>not</em> to like him.”</p>
<p>Kenma gently squeezed his hand and Shouyou held onto it, fingers clasped tightly around his. He didn’t say anything, there was nothing he <em>could</em> have said to ease the boy’s pain. All he could do for Shouyou was to be here, to listen to him and hold his hand.</p>
<p>“This is stupid, isn’t it? I’m crying over a boy who doesn’t care at all. Ugh, you probably think I’m pathetic. I <em>am</em> pathetic. No, no, don’t deny it.” He wiped his eyes again. “Can I have a tissue?”</p>
<p>Kenma quickly reached for the box on his nightstand, passing it to him. Sniffling, Shouyou plucked out a tissue, blowing his nose noisily. He crumpled it up and dropped it to the floor, then grabbed a second one, repeating the process.</p>
<p>Wiping his eyes once more, Shouyou sat up, leaning against the headboard. “I need to get over him, don’t I?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Kenma admitted. “But it’s making you unhappy, and even if he likes you back, I don’t think that you should enter a relationship with someone who causes you pain.”</p>
<p>He nodded, eyes closed. “You’re right. Yeah, you’re right.” And then Shouyou slapped his cheeks, hard, leaving red imprints. “Alright! I’m done with this. No more running after stupid boys!” With a grin, he turned to Kenma. There were still tears glistening in the corners of his eyes, but the hopeless expression on his face had turned into one of determination.</p>
<p>“This is something we should celebrate,” Shouyou said, stretching his arms over his head. “We should go out!”</p>
<p>Kenma stared at him. “Out?” he repeated dumbly.</p>
<p>“Yeah, out! Please, I promise it’ll be fun! We don’t even have to stay long.” Shouyou jumped onto his feet, then continued, “I just really need to get out of here, shake this off, you know? We can even ask Kuroo to come!”</p>
<p>He wanted to say <em>no. </em>He <em>should</em> say <em>no</em>. But Shouyou’s eyes were glowing and he was practically vibrating with excitement. Kenma could make it through a single night if that’s what it took to make Shouyou happy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They met Kuroo at a club. Music was blaring in the background, something upbeat with a heavy bassline that thundered through Kenma’s chest, loud enough to drown out the sound of his own heartbeat. The people on the dancefloor were moving erratically, a convoluted mass of bodies pressed against each other, with no way to tell which limbs belonged to whom. It looked like a macabre ritual, summoning a god of chaos.</p>
<p>Kenma sat in a booth with Kuroo, pressed up against the scuffed leather with his shoulders drawn and hands clenched around his drink. He didn’t know what was in it, but it smelled sickly sweet and vaguely alcoholic, so he didn’t care to find out. Shouyou had simply shoved it into his hands and he had accepted it without thinking. Then, after gulping down a concerning number of drinks in very little time and ignoring Kuroo’s repeated reminders to slow down, Shouyou had disappeared into the crowd.</p>
<p>It made Kenma’s anxiety flare up. He knew that Shouyou could take care of himself, that he knew how to defend himself, but he had a feeling somewhere in the depths of his chest that Shouyou would get caught up in something if they let him roam free, with the wounds on his heart still bleeding through the fabric of his thin shirt and his mind numbed from the alcohol.</p>
<p>Occasionally, Kenma could see Shouyou’s orange hair flashing through the crowd, and a few times he could get a long enough look to see him dancing with a stranger, bodies pressed together tightly in the mass of people, and whenever he reappeared, he seemed to have a different partner.</p>
<p>“Kenma?” Kuroo said, fingers brushing against his hand on the table. “Are you alright?” His expression was warm (probably from the drinks he’d had), almost peaceful as he smiled at Kenma.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he said, “I was distracted.”</p>
<p>“Looking for Hinata again?” With a sigh, Kuroo wrapped his fingers around his glass, swirling the liquid inside. He took a gulp, then set the glass back down on the table, a bit to the left of the ring it had left on the dark wood. His thumb traced the condensation as it ran down the glass. “You know, he can take care of himself. Nothing bad will happen to him – if you don’t take his weak stomach into account.”</p>
<p>It was a weak, half-hearted attempt at a joke, but it made Kenma smile nonetheless. So, he let himself get swallowed by Kuroo’s glistening eyes and his stories, even when his words slurred together and his voice grew a little louder than was comfortable. It was almost enough to distract him from Shouyou.</p>
<p>But when he glanced towards the dancefloor again, he couldn’t see the boy anywhere. Worry sunk into Kenma’s bones and his heart rate picked up as he frantically scanned the room, trying to catch a glimpse of orange.</p>
<p>At first, he didn’t even recognize the figure pressed up against a much larger man, but then they shifted slightly and Kenma realized with a start that Shouyou was kissing the stranger.</p>
<p>For a moment, Kenma could do nothing but stare. He blinked. Then he blinked a few more times.</p>
<p>Now, he didn’t have any personal experience with this, but Kenma was fairly certain that making out with a random stranger was not the right way for Shouyou to get over his feelings for Kageyama.</p>
<p>He must’ve been staring for too long, because Kuroo’s fingers brushed against his own. “Kenma?” he asked, voice slow and uncertain. “Is everything alright?”</p>
<p>He opened his mouth only to close it again, no sound coming out. After a moment, Kuroo simply turned to follow his gaze.</p>
<p>“Oh,” he said.</p>
<p><em>Yeah, oh</em>. The sinking feeling in Kenma’s gut had only intensified over the last minute, and a part of him wanted nothing more than to walk over there and drag Shouyou away from that man, all the way back to Karasuno and into bed so he could get some rest, which would be a much better way of dealing with his heartbreak.</p>
<p>Kuroo seemed to have recovered from the initial surprise and now turned back around, leaning onto one hand. “It’s fine, Kenma. I told you, you don’t need to worry. Hinata knows what he’s doing. He’s a grown man.”</p>
<p>“He’s seventeen,” Kenma protested, but Kuroo didn’t seem to care much.</p>
<p>“Hinata’s done worse things than kissing a stranger. You worry too much.” With that, Kuroo downed the rest of his drink, the conversation seemingly over for him, so Kenma had no other choice but to drop it.</p>
<p>Kuroo tried to start another conversation a few minutes later, but Kenma found himself unable to focus on any of his words, instead staring at Shouyou and the stranger whose hands were in places that couldn’t be considered anywhere near appropriate.</p>
<p>It felt like hours had passed when Shouyou finally detached himself from the man, and his gaze trailed over the booths until he found Kenma. His smile brightened and he waved excitedly before whispering something into the stranger’s ear and making his way over to Kenma and Kuroo.</p>
<p>With an exaggerated sigh, he let himself plop onto the bench, stretching his arms over his head. “Ahh, I’m tired. This has been so fun, though! Thank you guys for coming along. I haven’t felt this good in forever!” Shouyou halted as he noticed Kenma’s still untouched drink. “Can I have that?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think—” Kenma started, but Kuroo interrupted him, saying “He’s not gonna drink it, so help yourself.”</p>
<p>“Nice!” Shouyou grinned, then hastily gulped down the drink. He wiped his mouth with his hand, then slammed the empty glass onto the table and jumped to his feet, swaying slightly. “I’m gonna head out if that’s okay with you. Yuuji said his apartment’s only ten minutes away.”</p>
<p>“Be safe,” Kuroo said, waving one hand lazily.</p>
<p>“Don’t wait up for me,” Shouyou said to Kenma, and before he got a chance to say anything back, Shouyou was bounding back to the stranger, wrapping his arms around his neck as he reached him and dragging him down for a quick kiss before they disappeared towards the exit.</p>
<p>Kenma suddenly wished that he hadn’t refused the drink, because maybe being drunk could have soothed the anxiety that slowly took over his brain, drowning out any other thought.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i managed to finish this chapter in time! :D  i have no idea if i will be able to write an entire chapter in just two weeks tho, so the next update might be a bit late..<br/>btw i read ao no flag today and i'm in love with it. altho a lot of it hits a little too close to home - especially all that stuff about university and figuring out what you want your own happiness to look like<br/>anyway, i hope you enjoyed this chapter! as always, it was beta read by @paradoxicalpsychic</p>
<p>edit 04.09.2021: so i kinda underestimated how much i'd have to study for my exams... i haven't had time to write at all :(  i'm really sorry, but i think i have to take a break from writing and posting. i'll try to be back in a month or so! </p>
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